


unexpected

by MorIsco22



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Death, F/M, Football, High School, Hurt, Juventus, Loss, Love, M/M, Soccer, alternative universe, life - Freeform, morisco, real madrid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 48,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4851665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorIsco22/pseuds/MorIsco22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isco's life changes entirely as someone close to him dies<br/>can he get over the loss?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> idea that popped up in my head. lets see how it goes. i know i have other ffs to update but i couldn't help it. i've written the first two chapters but i'll see if you guys want to read something like thiiis. 
> 
> Alternative Universe.  
> High School.  
> Football/Soccer.  
> Mainly Isco's view.

Have you ever felt _lost_?

Have you?

Since that one day, Isco's life had changed dramatically.

He felt like drowning.

But how do you get over a loss? - A loss that happen so unexpected?

Nothing worked out for him after that day.

He stopped playing because standing on the pitch, made him feel like suffocating...

How could he play when those last minutes repeated themselves in his head over and over again...?

_The ball ended up in the corner of the net._

_Isco was surprised himself... did he just really score?!_

_He smiled happily and his teammates jumped on top of him._

_Of course it was just one match - one. But it was an important one and they didn't want to lose against them. They never wanted to lose a game but against them it was special._

_Anyways_

_It wasn't just Isco's credit. Isco had scored thanks to an assist of his own best friend - José._

_He turned around to look for him but he couldn't spot him at first._

_Then he saw him._

_Lying on the ground - did he got fouled?_

_Isco ran over to him - shouting his name. He didn't care that the referee wanted to continue the match. Something had to be wrong._

_Why wasn't José reacting?_

_The referee got that too and arrived first. Kneeling down next to him and shaking him lightly._

_José didn't react again. Isco stopped next to them. Looking at his best friend worried._

_What was going on?_

_The referee suddenly looked shocked - Waving over our coach and a paramedic._

_"What's wrong?" Isco asked but the referee just stood up and pushed him back lightly._

_"Don't stand in the way."_

_Isco was so confused. Their coach kneeled down next to José. Isco's gaze fell on José's face. His eyes were closed and he looked so...pale... what was wrong with his best friend?!_

_No heart rate?_

_What?_

_That couldn't be._

_He was way too young for a heart attack..._

How could something happen just like that?!

In that age?

Yet it had happen. It had happen to his best friend. His best friend died on that day.

Right on the pitch.

The victory against their biggest competitors got overshadowed by his death.

Isco barely talked with his parents afterwards. Neither did he talk much with his friends or with his teachers.

He didn't learn either. He couldn't focus. His grades got bad.

All he could think about was him.

His pale face...

The shocked face of the referee, as he couldn't find a heart rate...

How?!

How...?

That question repeated itself in Isco's head...over and over again...

What had he missed? Had José felt bad before the match? Yeah he had just recovered by a cold but... that couldn't have led to a hear attack right?

It had been just a High School match. Nothing important.

Later he found out that his best friends had had a heart disease - diagnosed few days before the match.

His parents hadn't been home to stop him from playing and the coach hadn't known...

As his parents couldn't take it anymore, they decided to move.

Maybe an other city, other people - new city, new people would help Isco to get over his loss.

So that's how Isco transferred to the Lincoln High.

Isco wasn't happy about it.

How could he ever be happy again?

Leaving his old school, his friends just because his parents thought it'd be the best for him.

It wasn't.

At least he thought so.

He couldn't know that his life would change again... _for the better or not..._ it's on you to find out.


	2. First Chapter

Weeks had passed since Isco had his first day at Lincoln High. Of course he still was the new one but it didn't bother him. He wasn't going to make new friends.

All he wanted to do was studying so at least his parents wouldn't annoy him because of his grades.

But new friends? He didn't care.

Football? No, he couldn't play.

Yet, even if he had not intended to get a new friend, he had gotten one.

Iker

Iker had been the one showing him around.

Iker was the one who tried to involve Isco into things, yet Isco always refused.

Most of his time Isco spend in the library, when there was a free period.

There were rare situations where he found himself cornered in a storeroom.

A moan escaped his lips as the guy squeezed his butt but it got swallowed right away by his mouth. Isco couldn't help it - Couldn't resist him...even if Isco was his secret.

He knew.

He wasn't dumb.

Isco wasn't popular in this school. Most people thought he'd be weird. Left him alone or mocked him for something. Well, he couldn't blame them. He barely talked with anyone - concentrated himself more on his grades than anything else. Yet he had managed to get one of the most wanted guys to fall for him.

Álvaro

Álvaro was taller than Isco. Isco had felt enchanted since he had met him for the first time. He wasn't just good looking. No

Álvaro was so much more.

Not just the handsome face as everyone at Lincoln High was seeing him.

He was popular. How not? He was one of the strikers in the first team. The Lincoln High football team was quite impressive.

Yeah, Isco had informed himself.

He just had been curious, not because he thought of joining - even if he missed it. He missed it to play but he couldn't...it had been José who had made him join the team back in his old school. Without José it felt wrong.

"Álvaro..." It wasn't easy for him to focus - not when Álvaro was pressing up against him like that... but Iker was waiting for him in the library.

"Hm...?" Álvaro mumbled while placing kisses on his neck.

"Stop..." Isco pushed him lightly away - which seemed to confuse him.

"Did I do something wrong?" He looked at Isco with big eyes.

Isco sighed.

He had tried to end things between them several times already but when Álvaro looked at him with his puppy eyes he couldn't. So he had given up. After all it wasn't that he didn't enjoy it. He loved it. He loved Álvaro and that was the awful point.

He doubted that Álvaro was in love with him. Probably Isco was just some fun. They could get caught while making out in here... so he was taking the risk that his friends found out about them. But what was there to find out? That they made out sometimes?

Yeah

But there wasn't really more. They weren't dating. How could they? Álvaro didn't want to be seen with Isco in public. Not that he had mentioned it but he never asked Isco if he wanted to go out, nor did he talk to him when they met in the school hallway.

Most of the time he acted like he wouldn't know him.

"I have to go." Isco said. "Iker is waiting for me... we have an essay to finish."

Álvaro pouted. "See you later then?"

"You have practice, right?" He nodded and Isco sighed. "I'll go home after we finished it so..."  
"You could come and watch me practice and afterwards we could go somewhere together. Go drink something or eat Ice cream."

Isco couldn't believe what he just heard. Did he really just? "You want to go out with me?" Isco asked confused.

Álvaro tilted his head. "You sound so surprised."

"Well... maybe because until today you always acted like you wouldn't want anyone to know about us and now..." Álvaro smiled. Isco didn't get why.

"I like you, Isco. I genuinely like you." Álvaro said. "I just wanted to be sure you're with me because of me and not because of my reputation."

Isco almost snorted, even if his heart skipped one or two beats as Álvaro told him he'd like him. "I didn't think I would give you the impression that I would just like you because of the fact that like everyone in this school wants to date you."

"You like me?" Álvaro asked.

"Is that all you heard?" Isco raised his eyebrows.

"No, but that's the only thing I care about at the moment... so... You like me?" Álvaro said, asking his previous question again.

Isco flushed.

"I do. I do really like you, Álvi."

Álvaro smiled - kissing him shortly afterwards. "See you later then." Before Isco could intervene, Álvaro had disappeared out of the storeroom.

He sighed deeply. He really wanted to believe Álvaro... but when the younger boy would really like him, why were they hiding still in a storeroom?

And why did he want Isco to come over to practice? Álvaro's friends would be there and he knew ... he knew that some of them didn't really like Isco... understatement actually... most of them really acted like jerks towards him... yet Álvaro wanted to make it official between them while they were surrounded by them? He couldn't help but have a bad feeling about it.

Well, there was still time to think about it.

Maybe he wouldn't go there.

He left the storeroom and made himself on the way to the library. Hopefully Iker wouldn't be mad that Isco let him wait so long.

He had told Iker about Álvaro. Iker had told him to be careful. Isco tried. He did. But he couldn't keep away from Álvaro... the other boy was making feel alive... and he hadn't felt alive for a long time already.


	3. Second Chapter

"You shouldn't."

Iker wasn't really excited to hear the news Isco told him. Well, Isco had told him about the bad feeling he was having as well. "I really like him, Iker."

"And?" Iker asked. "That won't stop the others from mocking you. They won't mock him. He's their friend. You aren't. And you said yourself that you have a bad feeling about it."

"Maybe the bad feeling is just because... I haven't been near a football pitch since..." Isco stopped talking and lowered his gaze. He always felt a sharp pain in his chest when he thought about that day. He had told Iker. He had told him because the other had asked him if Isco would intend to join their football team. Isco had said no.

He couldn't.

Iker sighed deeply. "If you want to go there... I will come with you. Just to be sure."  
"Thank you." Isco mumbled quietly.

"But for now... let's focus on this okay?" Isco nodded at his words and went back to read further. They really should end the essay today.

 

Few time later, the two of them made themselves on the way to the football pitch. It had taken them a bit longer as expected so practice of the team would be over soon.

As Iker had informed him

They stopped a few steps away from the pitch. Isco couldn't spot Álvaro right away. They were a lot of people around here.

"The school loves the team." Iker mumbled quietly to him.

"Francisco Alarcon?" Confused he turned around as someone said his name and he couldn't believe his eyes at first.

His Junior High Coach was coming over to him - grinning.

"I didn't know you were here now!" He said. "Did you just transfer? I am sure I can find a place for you in the team." Isco blinked a few times, not knowing what to say. He felt overrun.

"Coach Luis, it is really great to see you again." Well, his parents had told him how to be polite. "And I feel honoured that you want to make place for me in the team but I don't play anymore."

The coach looked at him puzzled. "Why not? You had such a talent."

Isco gulped. Of course he couldn’t think of a reason why. He didn’t know. He had left Isco's old school years ago. Right after Isco and José had ended Junior High.

"Different reasons..." Isco said, not wanting to think about it now.

"How's José? Did he transfer too?" Isco froze. Of course he'd ask that. José and he had been inseparable.

"No..." Isco's voice almost broke. The coach opened his mouth, guess he realized the mood change of Isco but he got interrupted by loud laughter. He turned around to his team.

"OKAY STOP!" He groaned. "Get your asses into the shower. Else you end up injuring yourself and we can't really afford that."

Isco's eyes fell on Álvaro. Álvaro who was holding a girl close to himself... That girl was whispering something into his ear which made him chuckle. Isco felt jealous. It didn't mean anything right? Right? Just because he was holding her... oh...well.... guess it did mean something...

He felt like his heart got crushed.

“Isco!” He closed his eyes shortly and turned around to be able to look at the person who just approached them.

“Don’t. Cris. Don’t.” Iker had placed himself between him and Cristiano. Right behind Cris were Gareth and Lucas. Both were looking at Cris like he'd be some kind of hero.

“What? Am I not allowed to talk to your puppy, Iker?” Cris asked, grinning mischievously.

“Funny, really funny.” Iker rolled his eyes.

“Let’s just leave Iker.” Isco said, grabbing the arm of the older boy. Iker turned around to him. Smiling at him sadly. “Oh come on Isco. Don’t leave already!” Cris said.

“Isco…” Perfect. Of course the coach had to focus back on Isco.

“Coach?”

Isco ignored the confused looks of them three. Iker stood close to him. He was happy about it. He felt more like hiding himself in a corner and not facing anything right now.

“If you change your mind… I could need a good attacking midfielder.” The coach patted his shoulder before he left.

“You play football?” Isco gritted his teeth, as he heard his voice.

Álvaro looked at him questioningly.

When did he come over?! And where did that girl go?

“Seems like Isco is mute suddenly.” Álvaro’s friends laughed - Álvaro grimaced lightly.

“He probably can’t believe that Álvaro is talking to him.”

“I’ve seen him admire him from afar several times.” Chuckling.

“Like he’d have a chance.” Laughing.

Isco tried to ignore them. Yet he couldn’t help to tense. “I played. Not anymore.” He replied eventually. Not caring about the fact that his voice sounded distant. Isco turned around; he didn’t need to say anything - Iker followed.

“Isco! Wait!” Álvaro followed too.

“What?!” Isco turned around harshly, surprising Álvaro, who was right behind him. He almost bumped into him.

“Where are you going?” Isco blinked a few times.

Was he serious?!

“Home.” Isco replied shortly.

“But…” Álvaro started.

“Álvaro!” Álvaro closed his eyes and seemed like he was in pain as he heard the voice calling him.

“But what? You shouldn't let her wait.” Isco said and turned around to leave.

Of course it had been her who called for Álvaro’s attention.

Álvaro had maybe not realized that Isco had seen them kissing.

But Isco had seen him - Seen him kissing _her_.

Isco didn’t bother who she was. He didn’t. Yet he knew her. Of course he did. She belonged to the popular students.

But why?!

Isco didn't get it. Why did Álvaro told him to come here... did he want to show him that he was taken?! But why couldn't he just tell him... it hurt... it hurt a lot.

Why did Álvaro tell him he'd like him... _genuinely..._ when he didn't...?!

Iker gladly didn't say anything to it just accompanied Isco home.

Back home, finally alone, Isco locked himself in his room and cried.

Why did his life have to be always so cruel?


	4. Third Chapter

His parents of course, had realized that something had happen.

Isco had started to talk again since him and Iker, him and Álvaro had gotten closer.

But now he was hurt.

He didn’t feel like talking. Nor did he want to eat something but he couldn’t stand the worried look of his mother. So he forced himself to eat something.

After the dinner he went upstairs to his room again and just climbed into his bed.

Who cared about homework’s anyway?

The next day, during class, he didn’t care that he got a bad grade because he hadn’t delivered the needed home work.

It wasn't like doing his homework would make him feel any better.

Why stress yourself when your life could be over in a short heartbeat?

All day he could feel Iker’s worried gaze on him.

He did realize that Álvaro tried to talk to him a few times, yet Iker sent him always away. Isco was thankful to Iker. He just couldn’t say it.

He felt so numb.

Well, he didn’t allow himself to feel too much. He couldn’t. Allowing himself to feel too much just ended up him being hurt. Like now. If he would've prevented himself from feeling to much for Álvaro, he wouldn't feel like this now.   
So broken

He wished, he really wished José would be still alive. He could need his best friend.

He needed someone to cheer him up yet the thought of his best friend made him feel worse.

The day went by like a blur.

Isco was at his locker, putting the books inside he wouldn't need anymore. All he wanted was going home. He took the books out he would have to use to do his homework's - not that he was planning to do them but he had to look normal. Else his parents would annoy him with question. He knew they just wanted the best for him but he was to tired - to tired to do anything else than just lying in bed.

"Isco?" He closed his eyes and tensed up, as he heard his voice. Slowly he turned around to look at him.

"What do you want, Cris?" Isco shortly looked away from him. Where did Iker go? Oh. Of course Cris had taken Sergio with him.

Sergio, Iker's on and off boyfriend. At least it felt like it for Isco. They always argued about the same thing.

Sergio being to close with Fernando...

Well, Iker was quite jealous.

"I want to go out with you." Isco felt like he didn't hear right. He turned his head back to look at Cris. Confused - but most likely irritated.

"You want what?" He asked. "If this is some kind of joke leave it!" Isco almost snapped and turned around to close his locker. "It's not a joke."

"Of course not... you've been mocking me since day one and now you want to go out with me. Really believable." Anger rose in him. Why was everyone thinking he could play with him?! He glared angrily at Cris.

The other boy sighed deeply.

Yet Isco could say that he was glad he was feeling something even if it was anger. At least he had overcome that feeling of numbness that had him in control all day.

"I know what I've done and I am sorry. Really" Isco couldn't help but role his eyes.

He could suddenly feel a gaze on him so he turned his head slightly around - just to meet Álvaro's eyes. He was looking rather confused.

Isco turned around to look back to Cris. "I am not going to let you make a fool out of me." Isco said and tried to go past him.

"Wait, Isco." Cris grabbed his wrist. "I am not going to make a fool out of you. I just want to go out with you. What's wrong about that? I promise I won't mock you ever again and no one else will either. I'll make sure of that."

"Why are you insisting on going out with me? Won't that ruin your reputation?!- Going out with the nerd. You'll miss your chance to become the homecoming king." Isco snapped.

"The homecoming king will be Álvaro already no matter what I do." Cris replied shrugging. "No matter how open the people act... none of them wants a gay homecoming king."

Isco opened his mouth to say something but Cris didn't let him come to word.

"Yeah yeah I've seen how Álvaro looks at you. But it doesn't matter because he won't be able to be with you. - At least not openly. Him and Maria are like the perfect couple. Every couple wants to be like them." Cris sounded annoyed suddenly.

Isco closed his mouth. What did he mean with... he had seen how Álvaro looks at him? "I know you hoped differently. I guess that's why you came over to practice yesterday."

"He asked me too..." Isco said quietly. Why did he tell him that?!

Cris sighed softly. "I thought so. Why else would he run after you? He tried to end things with Maria yesterday. He did. At least he wanted to until he got a call from his parents." Cris grimaced. "You know I know that Álvaro is into guys too. Him and I... had little experience in that but..."

"You and him?" Isco was confused. He didn't think that... but of course. Álvaro hadn't been afraid at all of getting close to Isco. Isco had been the one having troubles with it.

Isco was the one of them who hadn't have his first time...

"Could you let me finish?" Isco pressed his lips on each other.

"His parents don't. Álvaro didn't come out and he probably won't. I tried. I really tried to get him to be more open about it... it would make things easier for him but he refused. Over and over again. His parents are complicated and they both love Maria - which I personally can't understand but... you get the point."

"He won't end things with her." Isco looked over to Álvaro. The other was looking over to him too, acting like he'd be listening to whatever Jesé was telling him.

"I thought that you could change that." Isco turned around to look back at Cris.

"What?" Isco blinked a few times confused.

"I thought you could bring him to be ... more open ... more himself ... but it didn't work out yet. At least not how I thought it would... he more likely pushed you away." Isco frowned at that. "Of course he couldn't just tell you about Maria but show you."

"You know him very well don't you?" Isco asked and Cris nodded.

"We used to talk a lot. Him and I... we have a lot in common."

"Why do you want to go out with me when you know he's interested in me... when you know that I..."

"... Because I want him to be jealous" Isco looked at him with open mouth, as the other finally revealed his plan.

"You want him to be jealous?"

"Yes." Cris nodded. "I need him to think that he lost you totally to me. I want to see how he reacts."

"What if he doesn't care?" Why did he ask that? He wasn't really considering it, or?

"He does." Cris replied. "He's already utterly jealous just because I am talking to you."  
"What's in it for you?" Isco asked. "And don't give me that crap you just want to help a friend."  
"I could make someone else jealous in return." Cris looked away from him and Isco followed his gaze. "Fábio?" He asked surprised.

"Yeah well... he thinks I am jerk."  
"You are." Cris looked back to him, looking offended. "Most of the time. You could show him differently that you're not a jerk instead of trying to make him jealous with me."

"I could. But this is the best way to find out if he's interested or not."

"I can't do that... I am not..."  
"Look, think about it okay? Going out with me won't cause any harm. You don't owe him anything. He hurt you, didn't he?" Isco looked away. "Show him that he can't play with you."

"Isc..." Iker stepped next to him, wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. Isco leaned into the embrace thankfully. "Cris, you should go."

Cristiano rolled his eyes. "Fine... but Isco... think about it okay? I'll see you two tomorrow." Isco looked after him. He couldn't do that right?

"What did he want?" Iker asked, seemed to be confused about Cris obvious different behaviour.

"He asked me out."

"You're not considering it, or?"

"I don't know."


	5. Fourth Chapter

“I still think it’s not a good idea.” Iker was sitting on Isco’s bed while he was preparing himself for his ‘date’ with Cris. He couldn’t explain it to himself why he ended up saying yes… how could he convince Iker then that it was a good idea? While he wasn’t sure himself if it was a good idea or not. He had thought about it a long time. Yet he ended up agreeing to Cris plan one day later.

“Don’t you give second chances, Iker?” He asked instead and turned around to look at his friend.

“It depends on what the other has done… and Cris definitely overstepped a few times …”

“If I can forgive him for mocking me, you should too.” Isco grabbed his phone from the bedside table. “That’s what I can’t understand. Why?” Iker’s words made him frown.   
“Why what?”

“Why do you forgive him so easily?” Shortly Isco was taken aback by that question.   
“Life's too short to hold grudge.” He said eventually – keeping himself from thinking of José. It had shaken him enough that he had dreamed of him last night. Oh José would be so against this.

The point just was that… José wasn’t there anymore.

Iker sighed loudly, which prevented Isco to think further. “Still…” He started. “I am just worried. Can’t you understand? I don’t want him to hurt you. At the end up he is tricking you into something. I mean… “Iker made some weird gestures with his hands. “What if he lied? Huh? Did you think about that? Did you think about the fact that he might just want to embarrass you in front of all his friends? Maybe tonight is just a trick!”

“You think very low of Cris.” Isco noted. “What did he do to you? You’re dating one of his friends.”

“Sergio is different.”

Isco prevented himself from snorting. Different.

Of course.

That’s why them both always argued about the same, over and over again.

“Look Iker… “Isco sat down next to his friend. “I need to give it a try. I don’t think that Cris could make me feel worse than I already do.”

The sadness that overtook Iker’s gaze made Isco regret his words.

“But what if it goes wrong?” Iker mumbled eventually. “What if you hurt Álvaro with this too much? What if he doesn’t want to be with you after…?”

“After I’ve been with Cris?” Isco ended his sentence. Iker nodded lightly. “Honestly… I don’t know.” Isco really didn’t know. He knew, as well as Cris knew, they couldn’t know exactly how Álvaro or Fabio would react. “But when I don’t try I won’t know.”

Iker sighed softly. “Okay… but if something happens… call me. Okay? I need to know you’re okay after this ‘date’ with him.”

Isco nodded and Iker hugged him tightly to say goodbye before he stood up and left.

Few time later the bell rang again and his mother called him. Isco took a deep breath. Was he really ready to do this? Not really. Yet he should give it a try. What could happen? It wasn’t like him and Cris were friends and he’d loose him… or him and Álvaro would be a couple… and it’d lead to a break up.

Isco shook his head, trying to get rid of the picture of Álvaro’s sad face.

He still hadn’t talk to him. Iker didn’t leave his side so Álvaro wasn’t able to drag Isco into one of the storerooms they used to make out.

He shouldn’t think about that now. He really shouldn’t think about the way Álvaro had made him feel when they were alone. When they were in the storeroom – in their own little world. Álvaro had his number and didn’t even think of apologizing to him because of Maria. He should know that he hurt Isco, or? Or was he so oblivious? So selfish that he didn’t care? But why was Cris so convinced that Álvaro would be jealous?

Isco had wondered why he and Cris had to go out for real. They could’ve lied about it, or? But Cris had said that they needed to be seen together outside of the school to make it more believable. Cris would be making sure that they would be seen together – either from Álvaro or Fabio. It scared Isco a bit, to think of the possibility to see Álvaro tonight. He didn’t want to see him.

After one last look into the mirror he went downstairs. Not that he really cared about how he looked but… it was a habit. He might be wearing a white shirt and a pair of tight dark jeans. Good-looking, people would call him … but… when he looked into the mirror all he could see were his eyes. His sad eyes.

Sometimes he wondered… how could Álvaro feel attracted to him? He wasn’t the cheerful guy he had been while José had been alive.

Sometimes he wondered when it had been the last time he had laughed. Cheerfully laughed. Smiled maybe yes. Most likely a forced smile… but laughed? He couldn’t remember.

Downstairs he got greeted by his confused mother and a smiling Cris. Definitely later Isco would have to answer her questions. He gave her a quick kiss on her cheek before he turned around to leave with Cris. He didn’t need her to ask weird questions now.

He didn’t need to give Cris at the end something else he could mock him about.

A date with Cristiano – something he had never thought of.

Of course he was nervous.

He couldn’t help but think that it was kind of sad… his first ‘real’ date, was with a guy he didn’t even really liked.

“Where are we going?” He asked, after he had made it himself as comfortable as possible in Cris car. It didn’t really work. Well, Isco barely felt comfortable, no matter where he was.

“It’s a surprise. It’s our first date after all.” Cris said smiling and winked, before he drove off.

Isco hoped, yes he almost prayed, that Iker wasn’t right about this. Of course he said that Cris couldn’t make him feel worse but what if… what if he was wrong about it? What if he could feel worse than he already did?! Even if he couldn’t imagine it… you never know right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cause I dont know if I am able to update tomorrow, I updated today again.
> 
> I would love to know what you think... do you think that Cris is tricking Isco?. Or does he really just wants to get him together with Alvaro and find out if Fabio is into him or not?


	6. ♣

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more like a filling chapter but well... i just wanted to ... well i dont know myself what i actually wanted i just wrote it down x)

Isco always had been a cheerful kid. Until he found out he was into guys. After that he got anxious. People always were acting weirdly when it came to that ‘kind of’ love. He was quite young as he fell the first time for another boy and he was afraid to tell anyone.

So he kept it for himself. Admired the other boy from afar.

Yet at the end he and that boy ended up being friends. How? Thanks to José.

They spend a lot time together. One day the other boy told him, that he wanted to try something out – if Isco wouldn’t mind. Isco didn’t. They were so young and so their first kiss was a bit weird.

But it felt good.

So they ended up kissing each other more often. Secretly.

One day Isco was at the boy’s house, they both were alone in his room. Playing, laughing and sometimes the boy stole a little kiss from Isco, which made him always blush.

They didn’t hear his parents coming home – suddenly they stood in his room. Furious

Isco got sent away, while he got insulted.

It’d have been him that had led their son to do that. Their son wouldn’t be gay!

The town they were living wasn’t really big so the news spread fast.

Going to school was for Isco more a hell than anything else. Just José stood by his side. As they both turned old enough to be able to join the football team, José convinced Isco, that it’d be a good idea. Isco hesitated but agreed at the end.

He didn’t really get a welcome as they arrived at test practice. Yet he just did what he could to impress the coach.

He always had loved to play football. Mostly in the garden behind the house. José and he had always played together.

The coach was impressed. Not only by him but also by José.

Both of them got a place in the team. First just as substitutes but soon enough they were the main players. The others had their problems with Isco at first but soon enough they realized that Isco’s love interest wasn’t important. Isco was an amazing player and even more an amazing person.

Through the football team, Isco got more friends. Got more popular.

But the only person Isco ever cared, was his best friend José.

José was just always there for Isco. Helped him with football, helped him with his homework’s and helped him when Isco was crushing on someone.

Like he helped him with his first ‘boyfriend’.

José had told Paco that Isco would want to ask him something. Isco had blushed so deeply as they both had turned around to look at him. Paco had been playing football with some of his friends while José and Isco had watched him from further away. Suddenly José had went over, after Isco had told him he wouldn’t dare to ever ask Paco out.

Yet he and Paco never really made it to go out. They most likely spend time together in school and home. Isco’s home.

Isco didn’t mind. He felt anyway more comfortable at his own home than anywhere else.

Not after what he had went through with his first crush.

Paco gave him a great feeling. He felt loved. The day Paco told him that his parents had decided to move away – they cried together.

Germany wasn’t around the corner.

At the beginning, after Paco had moved away, they kept on writing and talking to each other via phone. The time went by and … the one day Isco had feared came.

Paco had fallen for another guy.

When he thought back now, he couldn’t help but shake the head over himself.

He had always ended up falling for strikers.

Selfish … strikers.

His first crush, Paco and now? Now Álvaro.

Maybe it wouldn’t end well

Okay most likely it wouldn’t end well but…

Who said that it couldn’t get something good out of it?

Going out with Cris wouldn’t kill him – after all he felt already dead since José’s actual death.

Maybe at least he’d finally manage to get over it.

He knew himself that he would never forget about it but … maybe he could finally manage to live with it without this depressing feeling…


	7. Fifth Chapter

Isco was speechless.

He had been a bit confused as Cris had driven out of the town but now? The view over the city was simply stunning.

Yet Isco was confused. “But up here… “He looked around. It was just them here. On this hill. “No one can really see us.”  
“That’s up for later.” Cris said smiling and sat down on a bench. “I thought that our first date should be at least a bit about us getting to know each other better.”

Isco frowned but sat down next to him – keeping enough distance between them. There were just a few people he could sit close to and none of them was Cris. “Why?”

“What why?” Cristiano seemed to be confused about Isco’s question.

“Why do you want to get to know me better? Aren’t you doing this because of Fabio?” Isco spoke out what went through his mind. “Not only. I also have to make sure you’re good enough for Álvaro.”

Isco looked at him surprised. “You’re not sure about that? And yet you want to help me make him jealous with you?” How did that make any sense?

“I am helping you because I’ve seen how he looks at you. That doesn’t mean you’re good enough for him. He tends to do stupid things.”

“So, I am maybe a ‘stupid thing’ to do?” Isco raised an eyebrow. It was weird. He had to admit to himself. Talking like this with Cris was weird. In school he mostly ignored him. Tried to avoid him because he couldn’t stand those remarks he made and now? Now he was sitting here…talking to him as if everything between them would be ‘normal’.

“That’s not what I said.” Cris defended himself. “I just want to see if this whole thing we’re doing is worth it. I don’t want to risk my friendship with him because of you. No offense.”

“None taken.” A few minutes none of them said something. Isco looked over the town. It looked beautiful. He hadn’t expect Cris to bring him to such a … ‘romantic’ place.

“Have you brought other guys you were dating here too?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Sometimes.” Isco looked over to him at his reply. “Depended on the fact if the guy would be willing to make out with me.”

Isco blushed. What?

“Don’t worry. I am not going to kiss you.” Cris grinned. “I just brought you here because it’s a more… intimate place. And…”

“CRIS?!” Both of them turned their heads around. Isco frowned as he saw that couple. Where did they come from?

“Hammy! Toni.” Cris smiled at them. “What are you guys doing here?”

James blushed. “We were… “

“Probably the same as you.” Toni came to James rescue. They were holding hands and were looking rather flushed. Oh. They definitely had been making out but… how did they come up here? Isco hadn’t seen an other car.

“Ah I see.” Cris said. “Do you guys know Isco? Isco that’s Toni and James.”

“Hi.” Isco mumbled confused.

“Hey Isco. Nice to meet you.”

“Same.”

“We leave you both then.” Toni said.   
“We won’t disturb you any longer.”

“See you.”

“Bye.”

Isco was more than glad as them both finally left. He had started to feel uncomfortable under their looks. “So… where were we…” Isco looked at Cris as he said that and shrugged lightly.

“You were telling me why you brought me here.” Isco remembered him.

“Ah yes. Well. You met Toni and James. James will tell Marcelo about that he saw us here. And after Marcelo knows… everyone in school will know about us.”  
“Wait.” Isco interrupted him. “So… everyone will think we made out here? Am I assuming right?”

“Exactly.” Cris nodded.

“But…” But what? It kind of felt wrong for Isco. When everyone would think he made out with Cris already on their first date? What would they think about him? What would Álvaro think about him?!

“Don’t worry.” Cris poked him lightly. “If Álvaro asks me. I will tell him that nothing happened between us. I just showed you this place. And that’s it how it is.”

“What if he doesn’t ask?”

“If he cares. He will. Trust me on this.” Isco nodded lightly but didn’t say a thing. Maybe Iker had been right. This whole idea wasn’t good.

“Okay. Let’s change the subject right now. Like I said. I want to get to know you. As I met your mother… I guess your parents know about you being into guys. How?”

“You want to know something about my coming out?” Isco asked confused.

“Yes. I can tell you about mine if you feel more comfortable around me afterwards.” Cris said. Isco didn’t really know what to say, which made Cris sigh softly.

“It’s not that long time ago with me. My parents freaked out as I told them but at the end… they accepted it. I am their only son after all. In school it wasn’t that terrible either for me. Alvaro stood by my side which made the whole thing easier. Sergio as well, who was already known of being into guys. He and Iker are dating like a decade or so…”

“Iker doesn’t really like you.” Why did he say that? It made Cris chuckle.

“I Know. But that’s because he thinks it’s my fault that him and Sergio fight that often. It was me who introduced Sergio to Fernando.” Cris rolled his eyes. “Well, my story isn’t really dramatic actually. As the most coming outs are.” He summed up.

“I see.” Isco lowered his gaze.

“What about you? If you want to tell me. You don’t have to.”  
“I was very young as my parents realized that I am more into guys than girls. They realized it before I did.” Isco said quietly. “They helped me as I figured it out. Stood by my side as everyone in our little town found out about it… I got harassed in school because of it but I made it through… thanks to my best friend.” Isco closed his eyes shortly. “They didn’t want me to join the football team at first because the other guys would be feeling uncomfortable by the thought of sharing a shower with me…” He remembered. “But the coach. Coach Luis. He insisted of letting me into the team. I would have talent. So to make it more comfortable for the others… I always practiced longer until I knew they were all gone from the locker room. My best friend stayed with me. After a while the others started to feel comfortable around me too and realized that just because I would be gay … it wouldn’t harm them.”

“Ignorant”

“Yeah well… you see my coming out was bit more dramatic as yours.” Isco smiled softly. He tried to ignore the pain that was trying to take control of him. He couldn’t let the pain, the grief take control now.

“Definitely.” Cris said thoughtful. “But thankfully you had your best friend. I am sure you miss him.”

Isco looked away at that. “I do. I do really miss him.” He replied eventually. Guess Cris could feel that Isco’s mood changed.

“Did you guys have a fight?” He asked. “Or do you just miss him because he didn’t transfer?” Isco wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sorry.” Cris said quietly. “I didn’t want to overstep.”

“You didn’t.” Isco turned around to look at him. Cris was looking at him apologetically – almost sad. “I know how it feels when you lose your best friend.” Cris added. “I had a best friend named Ricardo. His moved aw-“

“Stop. Please!” Isco stood up. Shaking. “Can you just bring me home?” He could see that Cris was confused. “I am sorry…”  
“Please!”

“Okay….” He mumbled confused. Isco followed him to his car. They drove in silence. Few time later, Cris parked his car in front of Isco’s home. Isco sighed softly. He had calmed down. Up there, hearing Cris talk about his best friend, trying to compare it to José… he had gotten the feel to burst. “I am sorry…” Isco said quietly and lowered his gaze. “I know you had planned this differently…”

“It’s okay Isco. Really. I shouldn’t have…” Isco looked at him. He could see that Cris was confused. Really confused about the whole thing and yet… he tried to stay nice. Well, he probably was doubting his plan now.

“My best friend didn’t move away.” Isco said. “He’s dead.”


	8. Sixth Chapter

"Do you want to talk about it?" Isco could see. Isco could see how shocked Cris was and yet, he couldn't allow himself to be hugged by him. He didn't want to. He didn't want to get to close to him. Of course he agreed to go out with him but that didn't mean he would feel comfortable right away. Cris seemed to realize that because he didn't push Isco to anything.

Yet the pity in his eyes annoyed Isco. He didn't even really know what had happen and still, he was looking at him sadly.

"No." Isco shook his head. "No I don't want to talk about it ... I have talked about it often enough... with my parents...with my former teachers...with my former coach and with my former therapists. I am done talking. No one can understand how I feel anyway." He said rather upset. Isco closed his eyes shortly. He shouldn't get angry. It wasn't Cris fault. He reacted as everyone else would. Everyone feels bad when he hears that someone died. Someone close died.

"I am sorry..." Cris mumbled. "It's none of my business anyway."

Isco blinked a few times to keep the tears back.

He didn't want to cry.

Not in front of Cris at least.

"I am broken, Cris. I am definitely not good enough for Álvaro." The other boy shook his head.

"I don't know exactly what has happened but I don't need to know... to know that you are good enough for Álvaro."

With tears in his eyes Isco looked at him. "Why would I be good enough for him?"  
"...Because you need him."

Isco shook his head. Cris sighed. "Tell me how you felt when you were alone with him."

"Why do you want to know that?" Isco asked. He was confused now. He had expected Cris to agree with him...telling him that he couldn't go through the plan anymore. Not now, where he knew, that Isco wasn't good enough - where he knew that Isco was broken.

"...because I want you to understand yourself that you are good enough for him. You need him and he needs you. Since you came to Lincoln Hill... since he met you... he started to change. Trust me. I know what I am talking about... so... how did you feel?" Isco hesitated. Did he really want to share that with him? With Cristiano? The guy, who had made it difficult for him to settle in... by mocking him almost everyday...

"I felt like... I could finally breathe again without having the feeling to burst." Was it that? Being with Álvaro had shown him that he could feel. Feel something else than just this depressing feeling. "When I was with him... alone... I felt hope. Hope that I could be happy again but..." But what? "I am sure that it didn't mean the same for him as it meant to me."

"Why would you think that?"

Isco grimaced lightly. "...if he'd care about me as you say... he would know things about me but he doesn't."

"Does he know about your best friend?" Isco shook his head.

"You know we met in the library... he was there and was getting upset because his laptop was striking so I helped him out." Isco remembered. "After that he came more often to the library. We talked. Mostly about school... one day we were alone... and he just kissed me. Out of nowhere. I hadn't expected it yet it felt amazing." Isco bit lightly his bottom lip. "After that it happened more often. We didn't went further than kisses if that's what you're about to ask." He said, as he saw Cris opening his mouth. "Soon enough I realized that he was keeping the whole thing whatever it was between us ... a secret. I doubted that he ever would want to go out on a date with me... even more I was surprised as he told me I should come to practice and afterwards we'd leave together." Now it was Cris grimacing. "I am sure he meant to go out with you." Isco raised an eyebrow. "But he probably got scared and ... well..." He made some weird gestures with his hands.

"Maybe..." Isco mumbled.

"I think you do believe that he cares about you." Cris then said. "Else you wouldn't have agreed to my plan."

"I am not sure if your plan will work out tho."  
"We'll see." Cris smiled at him and for the first time after a long time, Isco smiled too- Lightly but he did - and it wasn't a forced smile.

"Thank you." Isco said after a while. Cris frowned.

"For what?"

"For not being such a jerk as I expected you to be."

Cris chuckled softly at that. "I am not as bad as I act sometimes."

Both of them were quiet after that. Isco looked out of the car window. He could see that his mother was watching them. She probably was confused that they were already back... well; Isco had ended the date actually earlier as planned but... he hadn't been able to stay there any longer.

"I guess I should go now... "He said turning around to look at Cris."I am sorry for ruining your perfect planned evening." He joked lightly, he was surprised himself.

How was it possible that it was Cris, of all people, who made him feel more comfortable about himself?

"We will repeat the evening and you'll be stunned again what a gentleman I can be." Cris teased back and leaned over to give Isco a short hug. Isco was surprised at first, yet returned the hug hesitatingly. "Good Night, Isc."

Isco shivered at that.

"Good Night, Cris." Isco climbed out of the car and he waved shortly, as Cris drove off. Few minutes he just stood there and watched the car disappear. He would've loved to deny it but... Cris presence remembered him at José's. José had also always been that one friend who cared more about the others than himself - Even if people never would have given him that.

José had always known everything... realized everything... every little change.

No wonder he had started to feel comfortable around Cris - and all it had needed was one evening.

And yet?

The feeling that was erupting now... made him feel worse again.

Guilt

A feeling he hadn't expect to feel.

Why?

Cris would never be able to replace José.

No one would.

Isco turned around and breathed in deeply. Maybe it would be for the better if he ended this whole plan of him before it got worse.

He felt bad enough he didn't need any other feelings to make him feel even worse.


	9. ♚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i can i updated again today. x)

Álvaro has always been the perfect son, the perfect friend, the perfect student and the perfect footballer. Well, obviously right? Else he wouldn't be so popular in school now.

He was the kind of guy which you either adored or envied.

He had a perfect plan for his life.

That it was more a life his parents had planned for him was incidental. He never really thought of breaking any rules. Why would he? His life was perfect enough the way it was.

Why would he risk that?

And yet, as Cris told him that he'd be into guys, it made Álvaro think about it too.

It wasn't like he had never thought about it but... his parents were ... really homophobic. Yet Álvaro didn't judge. He himself thought that some people were beautiful and some weren't.

No matter the gender.

Admitting that he felt attracted to Cris was anyway difficult. How could he be with a guy when his parents would never allow it? It felt wrong. Yet he took the risk. They didn't go that far. No. Álvaro couldn't. It felt wrong for him to use Cris for his own curiosity.

Álvaro wasn't gay. At least he was convinced of that.

He had the perfect girlfriend. Almost every guy wanted to be with her. Maria was beautiful, smart and ... well... sometimes a bit difficult to handle but... his parents loved her.

Their relationship was difficult. Often she gave him the feeling he wouldn't be good enough for her. How could he not be good enough?! The first time they broke up, he had to admit that he felt relieved to be finally free of her...

But as his parents found out, they were rather upset. How could he let her go? She would be perfect for him. So, they ended up being together. It went on like that. They more likely had an on and off relationship.

It suited him actually pretty well. Why not? Being with the most popular girl in school wasn't that bad even if she sometimes annoyed the hell out of him.

They were already being called the future homecoming king and queen - the perfect couple for it... after all they were the only couple who still was together.

No matter the short break ups they had in-between.

He had been ... content with his life... until he met Isco.

Isco had just turned his whole world around by just being there. He had felt so confused, as the other boy had suddenly showed up next to him in the library. Offering him help for his stupid laptop. Their hands had just brushed shortly and yet it had felt like thousands of butterflies went crazy in his stomach. How? No. He couldn't fall for a boy.

But being with Isco was so easy. He felt so incredibly comfortable around the other boy. No one ever managed to make him feel like that. So he ended up showing up more often in the library. In his eyes, Álvaro could see that something had happen to him that had changed him. He always looked so sad, like a lost puppy sometimes. Álvaro wanted to change that. Wanted to see Isco smile or laugh at least once heartedly...

He had kissed him. Just like that. Álvaro had asked Isco if the other could recommend him a good book. Isco had stopped next to the book shelf and had taken a book out - Offering it to him. He was telling him why this was one of his favourite books. Yet Álvaro hadn't really been able to focus on his words. His gaze had fallen onto his lips and before he knew, he had leaned down and placed his lips on his. Isco had been surprised at first but he returned the kiss after a short hesitation.

After that it happened more often.

They kissed more often. As it got difficult for Álvaro to show up in the library, he pulled Isco into one of the storeroom in the hallway.

Without telling Isco why, the other boy had realized that Álvaro wasn't ready yet to tell the others that he was into him.

As Isco told him, that he liked him, his heart missed one or two beats. Isco liked him! He really had wanted to go out with Isco. He hadn't asked him to come to practice to show him that he was taken.

For him it had been obvious.

All the time, he had been in a relationship with Maria. Maria and he always had been together openly. Isco's reaction had confused him.

Yeah of course he hadn't broken up yet with her but... he had thought that Isco knew! How could he not know when the whole school knew that he and Maria were a couple?!

After that he tried to talk to Isco but he didn't manage it.

Wherever Isco was, there was Iker, keeping him away from him.

It hurt.

He just wanted to talk to him.

Yet he didn't think he had to apologize. Why would he? He knew himself that he could be selfish sometimes and maybe he had been selfish lately a lot.

He had definitely been selfish.

Being with two people at the same time wasn't really... appropriate.

Yet he couldn't describe the feeling he felt... as he heard the rumour ... that Cris had went on a date with Isco.

They apparently had been seen together by James and Toni.

Had Isco at the end really just been with him because of his reputation?! As he couldn't get Álvaro to be openly with him together he went to the next guy? To Cris? Cris who always mocked him?!

He couldn't understand.

He felt hurt. He felt angry - and he was disappointed.

Not in himself.

He had made a mistake - or maybe more than one.

There was a part of him that wanted to tell Cris to back off yet... he didn't have the right to. He and Isco weren't together.

He was upset. It was somehow his fault was it? No. After all it seemed like Isco just had tried to use him. Anyways

Maria noticed it as first person that he was tense all day after hearing that rumour. He snapped at her angrily as she asked. They started to argue.

Álvaro wouldn't pay enough attention to her!

She wouldn't understand that he had other things to care!

Once again they broke up.

News which spread quickly, but nobody took it seriously.

After all it wasn't the first time.


	10. Seventh Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not sure about this chapter tho. it feels more like a filling chapter again. well. it somehow is.   
> somehow isco disco needs to get backk to playying.

Isco was probably one of the last who got the news. How? Well, he tried to ignore everyone by staying in the library during his breaks.

He had hoped that Cris had been wrong and no one would know about them being out last night... but his hope got crushed as he entered the school right next to Iker and it felt like everyone was starring at him. It wasn't such a big deal... was it? He

Anyways

He wanted to talk to Cristiano but he didn't want to look for him. So he hid himself in the library when ever he could. Not really the best idea because he always got remembered on Álvaro in there. Passing that one precise bookshelf made him remember their first kiss - Made him remember that he went out with Cris to make him jealous.

He felt dumb.

As if Álvaro would care.

He was sitting on one of the tables as he heard people coming into the library - talking very loud. They seem not to care that in a library you have to be quiet.

Isco had tensed up for a second but as he realized it were just female voices, he got back to reading the book. Reading might be to much said, but he tried to distract himself.

"Do you think the two remain separate?" He heard one of them asked and wondered about whom they were talking. Wait? Why did he even care?

"I doubt it. Like Maria would let him of the hook so easily." Maria? They weren't talking about Ál-

"Ugh... I'd love to go out with Álvaro tho." Chuckling

"Who wouldn't?" Well, Isco couldn't do anything else than agree inwardly. Who wouldn't want to go out with Álvaro?

"Anyways... Have you heard that Cris went out with that boy? What was his name?!"

Oh no. They just shouldn't come back here. He didn't need them to see him. He really tried not to listen any further but they weren't really talking quietly.

"Isco as I remember." The other replied. "He's cute tho."

"Oh come on! Like you paid attention to him!" Her friend said.

"I did! He didn't pay any attention to me. He always seemed like his in his own little world." She sighed longingly. "Well now you know why."

"Why do the cute guys always have to be g-" As she stopped her sentence Isco knew. He knew that they had spotted him sitting on this table. He could just look up and he would see them. Yet he didn't want to make them know he heard what they said - even if he was curious and he knew his face was flushed a bit.

"Oh my god how embarrassing..." One of them mumbled.

"Talk to him!"

Oh god no. Just leave. Isco thought. Yet his wish didn't get full filled because they approached his table. "Hi Isco"

He looked up. "Hi." He couldn't say who they were. He had seen them yes. But he couldn't remember their names. "I am Sara and this is Vito."

"We don't want to disturb you." Vito said. Isco looked at her. She had been the one saying that he was cute. She was right. He definitely hadn't paid any attention to her - At least not until now. Sara rolled her eyes at her words. "Would you answer us one question? After that we leave you alone with your book."

"Sara!"

"What?"

"What question?" Isco asked, interrupting them both. Vito blushed. Sara grinned.

"Well, is it true that you were out with Cris?!"

"Yes." Why should he lie? He was out with Cris. Any Details they didn't need to know.

"Oh my god! Did you guys kiss? If yes is he a good kisser?" Isco looked at her confused and her friend was looking at her like she lost her mind.

"Sara!" Vito grabbed her arm. "Let's go. Thank you Isco." She said towards him and he just nodded lightly. "What? I just wondered! Am I not allowed to ask?" He heard Sara ask while Vito was dragging her out of the library.

Weird

Isco sighed deeply and closed the book. He couldn't focus anyway. He stood up and brought the book back to its place and decided to leave the library. He felt comfortable here but he didn't want to risk that Sara at the end came back with another friend.

And it was lunch time anyway. He should eat something. Hopefully Iker would be waiting in front of the cafeteria. Like always.

And he was. He felt relieved cause entering alone ... he wouldn't have been able to.

"Are you okay?" Iker asked, while they entered and went to grab something to eat.

"As okay as I can be." Isco replied quietly - Avoiding making any eye contact with anyone but Iker.

"Have you talked to him yet?" Isco shook his head.

"No..."

"OH MY GOD, NO!" Someone shouted shocked. Isco turned his head around to see what was going on. Sergio had been shouting. Iker next to Isco frowned. Some guys had crowed themselves around someone. Isco couldn't see around whom.

"When did this happen? How long aren't you able to play?" The whole cafeteria seemed to be in shock suddenly. It seemed like someone in the football team had injured himself. Whispering everywhere.

"It sounds bad for our precious football team." Iker mumbled next to him. Isco turned around to look at him. "Before the big game..." He sighed.

"What a big game?" Isco asked confused. Well, he hadn't been really interested in what was happening around him. "...Against the Jefferson High, our school's biggest rival."  
Isco looked back. And there he was. Álvaro; He was looking rather upset. Well, definitely not because of Isco. Cris spotted him and smiled at him. Isco looked away.

He missed the frown that appeared on Cris face.

Isco took something to eat and followed Iker to one free table. Sergio and Cris came both over to them.

Isco tensed up as Cris sat down next to him. "What happened?" Iker asked.

"Hammy injured himself today morning during practice. We all thought it's nothing big but the coach sent him to the doctor and now? Now he came back with crutches." Sergio grimaced. "How are we supposed to win now? We need a good attacking midfielder."

Isco poked his food around. He wasn't hungry but he knew he should eat. He tried to not involve himself into the conversation. Football was something he tried to ignore as well as possible.

"Isco?" He looked up as Cris said his name. He frowned. "Didn't the coach say you used to play in the attacking midfield?" Isco tensed up. Oh god no. No. No. No.

"Cris, for god's sake... Just because you went out with him you don't need to invite him into the team!" Sergio intervened.

"Sergio!" Iker said his name; you could hear a light warning in his voice the way he said it.

"What?! We basically don't know how he plays and if he would fit in our team anyway! We don't have the time for this. Just because Cris wants to get into his pants we don't have to play along." Isco blushed. Cris growled. "I am trying to fix a problem!" He snapped at Sergio.

"You are? Really Cris? Wasn't it you that caused the problem in the first place?!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" When the hell did he approach? "We lost James for the match already we don't need you two fighting over nothing."

Cris and Sergio mumbled something under their breath. "Instead of fighting you should try to find a solution for it. We can't count on the coach on this."

"Cris had the glorious idea to involve Isco in our game." Sergio said.

"At least I had an idea not like you. Comp-"

"Cris!" Álvaro said, interrupting him.

Suddenly Isco could feel the gazes of them three on him. "He doesn't play anymore. You have to find an other solution." Iker said - coming Isco to help.

"He's probably bad that's why he doesn't play." Sergio said.

"Probably" Álvaro agreed.

Isco could feel Iker's worried gaze on him.

"We'll find someone better."

"Someone who doesn't look like he's about to faint any second now."

Isco didn't notice that he started to tremble lightly. He was getting angry and sad and ... what the hell? Why were they talking about him like he wouldn't be sitting right there? Beside them...

An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him close. The half hug calmed him down. Surprised he looked up and met Cris worried gaze. "The coach said he has talent and I believe he has."

"Did he show you some of his talent yesterday huh?" Someone asked teasingly.

Looking around Isco noticed that a few people had surrounded them.

It didn't take long for him to notice that Álvaro had left.


	11. Eighth Chapter

Isco had thought about it. How it would be if the people at their school would think, would believe, that him and Cris were dating.

That everyone thought that just after the first date, confused him. Or maybe he had underestimated Cris reputation.

Howsoever

After lunch he couldn’t take his mind of football. Not that he even thought of taking that offer that Cris made him. Practice with them? No. Isco couldn’t. He couldn’t play.

Yet, after school ended, he found himself next to the football pitch. No one was there. Gladly. Iker had wanted to bring him home but he had declined. He would walk. Some fresh air would help him. Iker had been worried but had left. Left with Sergio, who had apologized to Isco. He would’ve been to upset about the whole injury of James, that he reacted unfair towards him.

Not that Isco cared that much. Sergio didn’t know how he played. So why would he feel offended? It had hurt him more as Álvaro had agreed – which annoyed him too because Alvaro didn’t know how Isco played either.

He starred over to the goal. He had to admit that he missed to play but he just couldn’t. Playing remembered him to much at José. Not the good memories he had with him, but the day he died. That one game.

He shivered and pushed his hands into his pants pockets. He tried to make a step onto pitch but draw back. He never had played on this pitch and yet… it was similar to all the others.

“Isco?” He tensed up as he heard his voice. Why? What was he still doing here? He hadn’t really seen him the rest of the day and now? Now he had to show up right now? Now, where Isco felt like hiding himself in a hole and cry.

He turned around to face him. “Álvaro…” Isco frowned as he saw the ball in Álvaro’s arm. “Are you going to practice?” He asked confused.

“No date-night?” Álvaro asked instead, not paying attention to Isco’s question.

“No, as you can see.” Isco replied a bit harshly. He wasn’t going to just listen when Álvaro did some stupid remarks. “I am not going to apologize for going out with him.”

“No one said you have to do that.”

“Well then… we’re fine aren’t we?” Isco asked looking at him. Álvaro had approached him. Isco cursed himself inwardly. Why did his heart have to beat so fast?

“We are.” Álvaro said, yet he turned around and walked away. Walked onto pitch. What was he going to practice? How to score when the goal was empty?

“Sounds like it…” Isco said and turned around. He wasn’t going to stay any longer here. He felt bad enough. He didn’t need Álvaro to make it worse.

“What do you want to hear from me Isco?!” Álvaro had turned around and was looking at him. Isco couldn’t see that because he still had his back turned around to him. “That I am okay with the fact that you went out with Cris? No I am not! Do you have any idea how I felt as…”

“How you feel?!” Isco interrupted him, turning around to look at him. “How you feel?!” He asked again. “Do you know how I felt as I saw you with her?”

Álvaro seemed taken aback. “I never made a secret out of my relationship with her.” Isco snorted. “That’s not the point Álvaro and you know it!” Anger. Why was he so angry now? Minutes ago he had felt so sad - he had felt grief and now? He was angry. His life was just so unfair. Always it had to be him, who had to defend himself. He was sick of it.

“Are you trying to tell me that you just went out with Cris because I was with Maria?” Isco pressed his lips on each other as Álvaro asked that. Why was he always thinking so goddamn selfish? “Do you think the whole world just turns around you huh?” He asked instead.

Álvaro came closer again. “What do you expect me to think Isco? You went out with Cris… while you started to ignore me. You told me you like me and then? Then you go out with the guy who has been mocking you since day one.”

Tears came into Isco’s eyes. “I do.” Isco mumbled quietly. Suddenly he felt incredibly tired. Tired and sad. Oh god – he couldn’t start crying now. “You do what?!” Álvaro asked – Isco looked away because he started to feel uncomfortable under Álvaro’s intense stare. Isco shook his head. “Why do you care huh?” Isco asked instead of replying to Álvaro’s question. “You can have everyone in this school and yet you freak out because I went out with Cris? It’s not like you would’ve ever had the guts to really go out with me.”

Isco could see that Álvaro was confused. Confused about Isco’s mood change. Suddenly Álvaro looked tired too. He closed his eyes and sighed softly. “I am sorry… you’re right. It’s none of my business.” Álvaro wanted to go past Isco. Guess he wasn’t going to practice now.

“Álvaro!” Isco shouted upset. “Don’t just walk away! Tell me what you want from me!” Isco blinked a few times and he realized first then, that he had started crying because his vision blurred.

He knew that he shouldn’t be doing this.

He was going to ruin Cris plan but what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t going to lie to Álvaro.

Álvaro turned around and looked at him.

“What do you want from me…?” Isco repeated.

“I want you.” Before Isco realized his words, Álvaro had brought the distance between them behind and leaned down to kiss him.

Isco was surprised. Yet he closed his eyes and returned the kiss.

Both of them not noticing that someone had been listening from a hidden spot.

Today the mobile phone is within reach.


	12. Ninth Chapter

For the first time after a very long time, Isco woke up with a light smile on his face. He knew it would be difficult to be with Álvaro, but he felt confident about it.

After Álvaro had kissed him yesterday, they had sat down on the stands. Isco hadn't felt that comfortable for a long time. Just sitting there and being in Álvaro's arms. He could've stayed like that forever. But of course that wasn't possible. His parents were already worried because he was late. As he had checked his phone, he had had a few missed calls.

He yawned softly and stood up. He shouldn't be dreaming over yesterday - he needed to get ready for school. Basically, he couldn't wait to see Álvaro again.

Álvaro's words from last night were still present in his head. Isco understood. He really did. Álvaro would need time to tell his parents about him wanting to be with a guy. It would be complicated. That's why they couldn't be together openly yet - Álvaro didn't want to risk that his parents found out through someone else.

After all it should be him telling them.

Isco was okay with that. How could he not? After all, Álvaro had told him, that he wanted to be with him. They had shared a few kisses until Álvaro had accompanied Isco home.

Álvaro had even come inside for a few minutes - to meet Isco's parents. He apologized to them, telling them that it had been him, that had hold Isco up.

After he had left, of course his mother had a few questions.

Who was he now? He would be an adorable boy. Yep. Isco's mother was enchanted by Álvaro.

Anyway - Isco got ready, took his bag and went downstairs. In the kitchen he grabbed an apple - there wasn't time to eat proper breakfast. He gave his mother a kiss on her cheek and left. Outside he met Iker, who was already waiting for him. Together they walked to school. It wasn't that far away.

Arriving there, they got greeted by Cristiano, Sergio, Marcelo, Toni and James. They were waiting for Jesé and Álvaro, as Cris informed him. Isco stood next to him and looked up. "Can we talk in private later?" He asked quietly. He didn't need the others to hear it because he didn't want to get any teasing comments about him and Cris spending time alone together. Cris nodded.

It was bit weird for Isco to be around all of them. He wasn't used to it. Most of the time he spend alone or with Iker. His gaze fell on Iker, who was in Sergio's arms. He wondered if Iker let those friends of his down, to be with Isco - To not let Isco alone.

Probably - Isco thought. It would explain why Sergio wasn't really a fan of him. He probably thought that Isco was taking him Iker away - which wasn't true. Iker was just a friend for Isco. A friend he had really needed as he had arrived here.

The bell rang and they all seemed quite confused. Álvaro and Jesé were never late - mostly because Álvaro took care of that. Yet both of them weren't here. No, they couldn't be already inside. They would've written.

Isco got a bad feeling. Was Álvaro skipping classes because of what had happen between them yesterday? No. Why would he? It wasn't like...Isco forced him to do something.

Just as they turned around to go inside - they didn't really need to be too late for class, Jesé came running. Panting he stopped next to them.

"Jesé! There you are! What took you so long?" Sergio asked. Jesé cleared his throat.

"I was expecting Álvaro to pick me up but he didn't show up ... so I lost track of time and as I realized that it was kind of late... I went over to check on him. I thought maybe he had left without me." Jesé explained while they walked inside.

"Where is Álvaro?" Iker asked him.

"Apparently he's ill."

Isco just walked next to them. He didn't say anything. He tried not to think too much into it.

Yet ... Álvaro hadn't shown any sign of illness yesterday.

"Apparently?" Cris asked confused.

"Well, I didn't talk with him but with his stepfather."

Wait, what? Stepfather? Okay... they were definitely a few things Isco didn't know about Álvaro. It shouldn't surprise him.

"Oh." All of them went silent after that. Guess they all had met Álvaro's stepfather.

Inside Maria passed them and she looked at them shortly - throwing a disgusted gaze at Isco - and walked away.

"It seems like _her highness_ Maria doesn't like you Isco disco." Isco was to taken aback by that nickname he got, that he could reply something to Sergio's words.

"Isco disco?" Cris raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Sergio asked. "It suits his name."

"Disco? Why disco?" Iker asked confused.

"I don't know. Stop asking questions! Isco doesn't seem to mind..." Isco had lowered his gaze. The last time someone had said that, it had been José- in front of that game. He didn't notice the worried and confused glances of the others.

"Anyways.... hopefully Álvaro will be fit tomorrow because we need him in the match." Toni changed the subject. They all agreed - except for Isco, who was somewhere else with his thoughts. 


	13. Tenth Chapter

There wasn't really a word Isco could think of how he felt as he saw Álvaro again, few days later after the weekend – on a Monday morning. Like Monday’s wouldn’t be shitty enough.

Isco hadn't gone to the match - watching football was something he couldn't endure either.

It wasn't happiness nor was it joy. No. There was that little detail that stopped him from feeling that. He wondered why he had been so dumb. Why did he think it'd be different this time? Everyone had been expecting it yet ... Isco had thought it would be different.

Why?

...Because Álvaro kissed him that day?

Nothing different compared to the fact that he had kissed him too, while he still had been with her. Isco had to admit to himself that he had gotten hope. Hope that it would work out between them.

His vision blurred while he looked over to them. Maria wasn't making any secret out of being back with him. Some of those who walked by, looked at them smiling while others rolled their eyes.

...Nothing new. "Isco" Isco blinked a few times to keep the tears back and turned around as he heard Iker's voice. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don-"

"ISCO" Isco winced as Cris approached from behind and hugged him. Even if Isco had called off his plan, Cris was being there for him. He had been happy as he had heard what had happen between Isco and Álvaro – of course he wouldn’t ask now. He probably could think already what was going on in Isco. As Isco had entered the school, Cris had looked at him sadly from afar. It had taken a few seconds for Isco to realize why. Álvaro was there… with her.

If his heart wouldn't have been crushed once again, he probably would've stepped away from the embrace but now? He didn't. "Hey Cris"

Cris pouted. "You don't sound really excited to see me..." He said teasingly. Isco lowered his gaze. "Didn't you have a good weekend?"

"My weekend was as every other one." Isco replied. He wasn't going to tell him what exactly what he had done. Not that he had done anything special. He had spent his time in his room. If Iker wouldn't have shown up, he wouldn't have left it the whole weekend.

"That doesn't sound exciting. Next weekend you should spend with me."

"How can you think about the weekend already while we have Monday...?" Sergio threw in. When did he approach? Isco should really pay more attention to the people around him and not waste his thoughts by thinking about Álvaro - who hadn't looked once over to him.

Yeah... he really did care -Not - about Isco.

"I can't." Isco came back to the conversation. "I won't be home next weekend."

"Where are you going to be?" Iker asked, looking rather confused.

"My hometown" Isco replied quietly.

"Visiting family?" Sergio asked.

"No...At least not just that..."

"Is it what I think it is that weekend?" Iker looked at him questioningly. "Do you want me to come with you?" Isco was surprised about that question. He shook lightly his head.

"No need to."  
"You sure you want to go alone?" Cris asked, which made Isco look up to him.

"I'll be fine. My aunt will be there."

"Okay. If you change your mind... we're there for you."

Sergio was looking at them quite confused. Well, he didn't know.

Cris and Iker got it. Both of them knew about José's death. Iker knew a bit more and yet, Cris wanted to be there for him too. It felt good. At least there were a few other people, apart from his parents, who cared for him.

The rest of the day, it was quite difficult to avoid seeing Álvaro and Maria. Everywhere he was, they showed up - or they were already.

He couldn't even go to the library, without them being there already.

He was cursed. Definitely …. Else it wasn’t explainable.

At the end of the day, he felt emotionally drained.

Iker had offered him to walk home with him - Isco had declined. He wasn't in the mood to have Iker and Sergio around him at the moment. They had a date night tonight and Isco didn't want to keep them from it.

As he wanted to leave, he got held up by his former coach. He had heard what had happen. Told Isco how sorry he was to hear that. José had been a great guy. Definitely

Isco was more than glad as he finally could leave. He wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings. He felt relieved as he came to the street he lived. He walked towards the house but stopped in his tracks as he saw him.

What was he doing here?

He hadn't notice Isco yet. Isco couldn't help but think that he was looking rather miserable. His shoulders were slumped down... and as he looked up, meeting Isco's eyes... Isco felt terrible for cursing him all day - Inwardly of course. "What are you doing here?" He asked, angrily. He might feel bad because of it but it didn’t change the fact that he was angry.

Once again it felt like Álvaro had just fooled him. It hurt.

"Isco..." Álvaro stood up. He had been sitting on the stairs that led to the house. "Please, let me explain..."

"No Álvaro. I am so sick of your lies!" Isco interrupted him. He could see that the other boy had wanted to add something. "Do you like hurting me?!" Isco added, not giving him the chance to say something. "I really thought you meant what you said that day but thank you... thank you for proving me wrong again. I can't believe.... that I fell in love with someone like you... you're so goddamn selfish... "

"Isco..."  
"No! I don't want to hear anything... you had all day... and yet you come to me ... when no one else is around... I am not going to be your little secret again Álvaro. Just leave." Isco tried to walk past him, yet he got held up by Álvaro, who grabbed his wrist. Isco looked at him - Álvaro in the other hand, had lowered his gaze and wasn't looking at Isco.

"I never lied to you." Was all he said, before he let go of Isco and turned around to walk away. Isco just stood there, and watched him leave.

Isco couldn’t help but wonder, why Álvaro was looking so miserable.

He did also notice … that Álvaro’s wrist looked slightly bruised.

It was the first time Álvaro’s wrist looked bruised right?

Yes? Or? Or had Isco just not seen it? Maybe he somehow had injured himself during practice or during the match yesterday…

Yet…Álvaro was a striker. How could he injure his wrist like that?


	14. Eleventh Chapter

The week went by quite fast. Isco didn't talk to Álvaro since that evening anymore. He barely saw him - most likely because he wasn't really paying attention to anything else than school. Yet even that, sometimes went by without him really getting the point of what he learned today.

He felt like he didn't learn anything at all.

Friday evening he felt so incredibly tired - normally, he hadn't sleep well all week. He put his books into his locker and closed it. Sighing he starred a few seconds at the locker. He knew he had homework and should take them home but he wouldn't be home anyway... and even if... he wouldn't be able to do anything. Why would he do homework when he couldn't concentrate? "Isco, hey!" He looked up as Cris approached him. All week, Cris had tried to talk to Isco - Yet most of the time Isco just had listened to what he said, not really replying anything to it. He couldn't. He wondered how he had been able to spend time with Cris one week earlier. This week he had always just felt like hiding himself somewhere, where no one could find him - Where he could cry in peace. José's death day was tomorrow. Early in the morning Isco would fly back to his hometown. Each day that had went by this week, Isco had felt like it got more and more difficult for him to breathe. Like there was something on his lungs, getting heavier and heavier.

"Cris... hey." Isco said eventually -clearing his throat.

"Look... I know you said you don't need anyone to join you tomorrow...." He started, which made Isco frown. "But I talked with Iker... yet he can't make it to come with you but I will." Surprised Isco opened his mouth. "You what?"

"I talked with your parents and they told me which flight you booked... I got lucky and found a place in that one too."

Isco was speechless. He was touched - his eyes filled with tears. It was something he hadn't expected. "Before you say something... I know...you won't need me there... I just wanted to make sure you're fine. Yes I know you said your aunt will be there but she won't be on the flight." He sighed softly. "Iker and I just got worried this week because ... last week as Iker said... you seemed better and well... you know yourself that this week... got worse again." Isco lowered his gaze. "I'll stay at your aunt's house when you go to... you know... and it'll be like I am not there if you want too... I just..." Isco hugged him - which seemed to surprise Cris because he stopped talking. Yet, he wrapped his arms around Isco too.

Both of them didn't really notice Álvaro walking past them - Maria was next to him, making sure he walked further.

Isco wasn't able to hold back the tears any longer. He felt Cris grip around him tighten a bit. "Thank you..." Isco mumbled quietly into his chest.

It was kind of weird for Isco to have Cris in his life now but he had to admit, that he was glad about it. If someone would've told him months ago that he and Cris would get friends... he wouldn't have believed it. Even less he would've thought that Cris would accompany him to his old hometown.

All it had needed for them to get friends had been one night... one night they went out together to make two other guys jealous.

It hadn't gotten out good for Isco - for Cris... he didn't know. He hadn't pay attention to how Fabio had reacted to the rumour about him and Cris.

He felt like a bad friend. He was to busy with himself. He knew himself that he should try to be more social but he just couldn't. He couldn't just live in that 'bubble' he had created - Even if it was way more comfortable in it. In it, he just felt the pain about José's death. Outside... they were those feelings combined with those feelings for Álvaro.

He couldn't bear so much pain.

He just didn't want to let anyone ever to close to him again... it hurt too much loosing the person later.

Cris brought Isco home. They arranged it, that Cris would come to Isco and Isco's father would drive them to the airport the next morning.

And so it was. Cris didn't push Isco to talk - he just was there. His presence helped Isco somehow to stay sane - cause the closer they came, the less comfortable Isco felt.

They got picked up by his aunt. She hugged Isco tightly and Cris too. The drive was quite too. No one really said something. Isco was absent with his thoughts anyway.

She drove them first to her home and later, she drove them to the cemetery.

Cris and his aunt accompanied Isco a few steps, but stopped then, and let him go to José's grave alone.

He would need time with his best friend alone.

Isco sat down in front of it after he had placed a flower next to the others. It didn't surprise him that he wasn't the first to come here today. He was just happy, that no one was here anymore.

A few minutes he just sat there and starred at the letters on the gravestone.

_Beloved son, beloved best friend, beloved friend_

Isco knew, that José's parents had wanted the _'beloved best friend'_ cause of him; because they had known that Isco had always had a special place in José's heart. Not like the rest of his friends.

Isco didn't really notice that tears started running down his cheeks. "I miss you..." He mumbled quietly, almost sobbing. "It's not fair..." He breathed in deeply and lifted his hands up to wipe the tears away. Not that it was really useful right now. He couldn't' stop crying.

How was he even able to still cry? All week he had been crying himself to sleep.

"I need you...I need my best friend... "Isco started again. He hadn't been here, at José's grave for such a long time. How could he? After his parents moved away, he couldn't just come here when he wanted.

But today he had to... he had to come here.

"My life's such a mess without you..." He talked further, looking on his hands. "You'd probably kick my ass if you'd be still here and know that I fell for a striker again... they're all the same ..." Isco smiled pained. "I just can't help it... seems like I always feel attracted to guys who will surely break my heart... "Thinking of Álvaro, hurt."You'd like Iker... and Cris." He pressed his lips lightly on each other. "You and Cris have a lot in common... "

He changed the subject. He couldn't talk further about Álvaro. He couldn't think of him now. No. He had thought about him enough this week. Today it should be just about José. "I know you'd be disappointed ..." Isco sobbed. "That I don't play anymore... but you're not here!" Isco felt anger rise in him. He closed his eyes. "You aren't here because you were selfish... you shouldn't have played... "Isco didn't realize that he started to tremble or that he had raised his voice."You knew that your heart probably wouldn't take it... and yet... you didn't think about the consequences ... you never did... you didn't think that when you die that you would leave us... us all alone. We're the one suffering... your parents and me!"

Isco startled as two arms wrapped around him.   
Cris

Isco wasn't even surprised. He was probably looking miserable. He buried his face into Cris chest and cried.

They sat like that for a while, until they stood up and left the cemetery. His aunt hugged him shortly too, but she didn't say anything. They went back to her house. While Cris stayed with his aunt in the living room, Isco went to the guest room and went to bed. Not that he could sleep but... he wasn't really the best company at the moment anyway. He didn't want to make Cris and his aunt feel even more miserable because they saw him like this. He wrapped his arms around the pillow and cried quietly into it.

Life just wasn't fair.

He must've fallen asleep because as he woke up, it was dark outside and someone had put a blanket over him. Well, he hadn't made it to lie under it. He just had lied on top of it. He stood up and went downstairs. He found his aunt and Cris in the kitchen - preparing dinner.

"Isco... "His aunt smiled softly at him."Are you hungry?"

Both of them looked at him - with a worried expression on their faces.

"No..." He shook his head. "I just... I go out for a walk."

"You want me to come with you?" Cris asked. Again Isco shook his head.

"I won't be gone long." He said, before he turned around to leave. He didn't feel like having company.

Slowly Isco walked along the streets. It didn't really take him long to arrive at his old school. He felt his heart clench at the sight of it. He walked further. Walked passed it to go to the back. Everything looked still the same.

Exactly the same

He stopped a few steps away from the football pitch. He felt like suffocating as he saw the small memorial the school must've made for the anniversary.

He couldn't. He couldn't breathe. He turned around abruptly. He needed to leave. Running he passed the school, yet he didn't see the person coming out of it.

He ended up running into him - gladly the person reacted and prevented him from falling on his butt.

"I am sorry...." He said.

"It's okay..." The other said. "Isco?"

Isco looked up, meeting his one of his former teachers. "Mr Morata..."

His former teacher smiled lightly at him - he was aware why Isco was here. "Are you on the way to something? Or do you have time to drink something with your former teacher?"

Isco wanted to refuse but... how could he? Mr Morata had been one of his favourite teachers.

One of José's favourite teachers

So he agreed. Together they went to a small café in the near. The town hadn't many places to go so it didn't surprise Isco that it was full. Yet they found a table for themselves.

"How's your new school?"

"Good..." Isco wasn't really in the mood to make small talk. Guess his teacher got it too. He sighed softly.

"It'll get better." He said.

Isco just nodded. He had heard that. Often

"Isco..." Isco looked up. "Tell me something about your new school. Are they good to you? Are you in their football team? What about your parents? Does your father like his new jobs?" Quite a few questions... Isco sighed softly.

"They are..." Well, he didn't get mocked anymore. "No I am not." He answered further. Shortly

"My parents are fine. I think so... I didn't ask him..." Isco wasn't just a bad friend but also definitely a bad son.

His parents left this town for him. Started a new life in another city and he never made it to thank them for it. He didn't care...

His former teacher nodded lightly. "I guess the distance helps a bit... I am thinking about moving away from here too..." He said. "There's something I have to take care of ...which I've been running away from long enough."

Isco frowned confused. "What are you talking about?"

"It's not important right now." His teacher waved off. "More important now is you." Isco lowered his gaze at that. "I just feel like a part of me died with him that day..." Isco mumbled quietly.   
He hadn't told that anyone before. He felt close to tears again. "Like there is a big whole in my heart I can't fill... I don't want to fill..."

"You'll learn to live with the pain, Isco."

"I don't... want to forget about him. I feel like... when I let someone else to close to me... I fell... guilty... like I'd be replacing him..." Isco sobbed. Perfect. Everyone was looking at them now. He didn't want to cry again. He buried his face in his own hands.

"Isco look at me..." His former teacher took Isco's hands in his - making Isco look at him. Isco couldn't help but think that his eyes were so familiar, yet there was something missing in them.

Well, he thought, of course they were familiar... this was his teacher after all... no other reason.

"No one can take José's place. No one will replace him and you'll never forget about him because his in your heart. He'll always be there. You just will find people who make the pain less painful. ...People who help you to live further. Live in the present and not in the past."

Isco didn't know what to say. What could he say? "I should go...." He said and stood up. "I am sorry..."He apologized to him. He couldn't. He needed to be alone. He left the café without looking back; missing the sad gaze his former teacher threw at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uj i had difficulties writing this chapter because imagining a sad isco was ugh :'((  
> the chapter got longer as expected xd


	15. ♣

Cris couldn't explain it to himself why he cared so much about Isco. He never thought that he would. Yet, after he had seen the sadness in Isco's eyes that night they went out together, he felt like he could help him. He just couldn't walk away. Not again at least.

He walked away once from someone and lost that person forever.

He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something like that would ever happen again. So he tried. He tried his best to get Isco out of his bubble. The whole plan he had, about making Álvaro and Fabio jealous, hadn't work out the way he had wanted but ... he wouldn't call it a full fail tho.

After all he gained a new friend -A friend that needed help.

Talking with Iker had shown him, that the other boy was clueless. He tried his best to make Isco feel better but he had more the feeling that whatever he did, Isco took distance.

Or maybe it was just that Sergio always showed up. Sergio wouldn't like it that Iker spend so much time with Isco. Not that Iker would ever cheat on him but the good thing was they had stopped fighting over Fernando. Sergio had realized how Iker had felt, when he had spent so much time with the other guy.

Anyway

He had just booked that flight. He would've given the place to Iker, if the other would've insisted but he had said, that maybe it would be better if Cris would accompany Isco.

Isco would definitely feel more comfortable around him- Would rather want him with him. Cris had disagreed yet he had been okay with it.

That's why he was here now - standing next to Isco's aunt on a cemetery, while Isco went to the grave of his best friend.

"Did he tell you how he lost him?" His aunt asked, throwing Cris out of his thoughts. He shook lightly his head.

"No...But I didn't ask either... I didn't want to push him... "

She nodded lightly. "At the moment he just needs someone to comfort him I guess." She said quietly. Cris frowned a bit but said nothing to it.

"Are you and him... you know..." She tried to ask -blushing.

"No... No we're just friends."

"Ah... okay... yeah .... He needs friends ..."

It got silent between them. Cris pushed his hands into his pockets and bit lightly his bottom lip. He hadn't thought about the fact that Isco's aunt could think that him and Isco were a couple...

...Not that he didn't think that Isco wasn't cute but... his heart was beating for someone else. Not to speak of the fact, that Isco was into someone else too.

Someone who broke his heart again

He wondered what had happen... Álvaro had been really quiet all week - Avoided to talk to them. He was basically just with Maria. He had even skipped the match and practice all week.

There was something wrong but Cris was going to take care of that problem when he'd be back. Now Isco was more important.

Isco had been quiet at first but he got louder. It surprised Cris a bit but as he looked over to him, it hurt. Isco looked so miserable - sitting there, crying and almost shouting at his death friend. He walked over, not caring about Isco's aunt and sat down next to him. He pulled Isco into a hug. Isco didn't push him away - on the contrary. He wrapped his arms around Cris too and buried his face in his chest - crying further. Cris just held him close. Words were unnecessary at the moment anyway - not that he could think of any right now. Holding a shaking Isco in his arms just made him realize, that he had been a jerk to him. Just because he was quiet and stayed more likely alone, didn't give him the right to mock him.

As Isco had calmed a bit, they stood up and went back to Isco's aunt. She hugged Isco tightly and the three of them, left the cemetery.

Back in the house of Isco's aunt, Cris busied himself mostly with watching TV or with his phone. Isco had gone to take a nap. At least he had said that, Cris was aware of the fact that he probably was crying but ... Isco didn't want him there. He accepted it. He had known that he'd spend most of the time alone... well, Isco's aunt was there too yet she seemed in her own thoughts. They talked a bit sometimes.

Later she asked him if he'd help her to prepare dinner. He would.

Together they went into kitchen and started making something. Cris just did what she told him. As he heard footsteps he turned around and looked at Isco. Isco looked dishevelled. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying.

He wanted to take a walk. Alone

It took Cris a few minutes to get back to work after Isco left.

"He'll get better." His aunt said - it made Cris look up.

"He just looks so broken..." Cris mumbled.

"One step after the other" She said. "There was a time he didn't even leave his room. I am just glad to see that he seems better..."

Cris just nodded. What could he say? He didn't know Isco that long. He wondered how close Isco had been with José. Really close when it had shaken Isco that much. Of course he was curious to know what exactly had happen and how Isco's best friend died but he was going to let Isco the decision to tell him. He was aware of the fact that Isco didn't trust him full yet.

But he would ... one day maybe.

As Isco came back, he looked confusingly calm.

They ate in silent. It was weird for Cris, because he wasn't used to it but he understood. Isco wasn't in the mood to talk and his aunt didn't feel that well by seeing her nephew like this.

Later they went to bed. Cris room was right next to Isco's and the walls weren't really thick. It hurt him hearing Isco cry quietly.

But he knew that he couldn't go there. Isco wanted to be alone- because before he had entered his room he had wished Isco a good night and after that Isco had locked the door.

He didn't want to get disturbed.

On Sunday morning he woke up early - got dressed and went shortly to the bathroom before he headed downstairs where he found Isco's aunt making breakfast.

It didn't take long for Isco to appear in the kitchen as well. They ate again in silence.

After that Isco's aunt drove them to the airport. It was about time to fly back.

"Thank you." Isco's aunt said to Cris, while Isco went to the toilet. He wanted to avoid going to the toilet in the airplane.

"No need to thank me" Cris replied.

"O I think so... Isco told me that you just booked a flight to come with him without his permission."

"Well... "Cris said sheepishly."I thought he would need a friend."

"He does." She hugged him.

As Isco came back, they said good bye to her and went through all those security checks before they could step into the airplane.

After the flight, in front of Cris' home, Cris hugged Isco tightly.

Isco's father had picked them up from the airport and as Cris had left the car, Isco had too. "Thank you... for coming with me ..." Isco said quietly into his ear.

"Anytime Isc..." Cris replied.

They let go of each other, Isco smiled at him softly before he went back to the car. Cris looked after them as they drove off. He sighed deeply.

He turned around and walked inside - got greeted by a little surprise.

"Fáb...Hey..." He smiled. "What are you doing here?"  
"He came to visit you Cris, don't be so rude." His mother said.

"I am not being rude!" He defended himself.

Fábio chuckle softly. "Your mother just told me that you should be home soon and here you are."

"Well... let's go to my room." Together they went to Cris' room. "How did I deserve the honour that you visit me?" He asked. Fabio rolled his eyes but grinned.

"No need for such words Cris. I just wanted to talk to you. I met Iker yesterday and he told me that you went with Isco to his old hometown. Iker told me you went there to support him. I didn't know you have such a soft spot Ronaldo."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me." Cris winked at him.

"I'd love to find them out."


	16. Twelfth Chapter

Isco had to admit to himself, that he was kind of happy being back home. Feeling Cris gaze on him almost constantly, had been exhausting.

They had brought Cris home first and then drove in silence home. He was happy that his father just let him be and didn't ask any questions. He wasn't really in the mood to talk. The conversation with his former teacher was still in his head. He would find people who would make the pain less painful... he had already found a few.

The moment he stepped into the house, his mother hugged him tightly. He hugged her back, sighing softly. He knew that it was hard for his parents to see him like this. He knew. But what could he do? He felt awful. "There's someone waiting for you upstairs. He arrived ten minutes ago and I told him you'd be here soon... so he stayed." Isco frowned confused but nodded lightly.

It probably would be Iker.

After his mother let go of him, he walked upstairs. He stopped in the doorstep to his room, as he saw him sitting on his bed. "Isco..." Isco couldn't help but think that he had been the last person he had expected to see today. "I know you don't want to hear anything I just... wanted to talk and as you weren't here your mother told me where you went to and I ... I am so sorry Isco ... I didn't know..." Isco didn't let him finish his sentence. He just pushed him backwards and lied down on top of him. Right now he didn't care. He was here. Álvaro was here. That was all that mattered. Álvaro wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. "You're here..."  
"I am."

"You care..." Isco mumbled quietly in the crook of his neck.

"I do... I do care a lot about you Isco... I am sorry that I eve-" Álvaro wanted to explain it to Isco. Isco understood but right now he couldn't, he didn't want to listen.

He didn't want to think about the fact that Álvaro wasn't his. That Álvaro was with Maria.

He just wanted to appreciate this moment.

"Please... "Isco whined."Just hold me..." And Álvaro did. Isco felt comfortable in his arms. So comfortable that he didn't even really notice that he fell asleep on top of him.

His weight wasn't bothering Álvaro - well, he knew that he wasn't that heavy anymore anyway. So rarely as he ate a lot.

Isco woke up - how long after he fell asleep? He didn't know. He lifted his head lightly up to be able to look at Álvaro. He still was sleeping, looking so incredibly cute while sleeping so peacefully. His lips were slightly open. And Isco knew he knew he shouldn't yet he leaned down to kiss Álvaro's lips softly. It was just a short kiss. Yet Álvaro eyes fluttered open. They looked at each other. Álvaro's hand found its way into Isco's hair. He pulled him back close to be able to kiss him. Isco closed his eyes and kissed him back. The kiss grew more passionate by the time.

All Isco could think about right now was Álvaro.

Álvaro's hand in his hair

Álvaro's lips on his

His tongue in his mouth

Álvaro's body underneath him

Isco got lost. Lost in the taste of the other boy - For Álvaro it didn't seem to be any different.

They parted first as Álvaro's phone started vibrating.

Isco looked at Álvaro, his face was flushed and his lips were slightly swollen. So beautiful.

Had they been making out that long already?

Álvaro lifted himself bit up to be able to pick out his phone from his pocket. Isco could literally feel how his mood changed as he looked at his phone. Isco was curious but averted his eyes. Who ever called or wrote him, it wasn't Isco's business.

"I should go... "Álvaro said eventually, clearing his throat because his voice sounded husky. Isco just nodded and lifted himself up from him. He sat down on the bed and watched the other boy stand up from his bed. Isco felt the urge to get up and pull Álvaro back into his arms. The way Álvaro was standing there, in front of him, looking rather confused and insecure made Isco's heart wrench. "No one..." He started and Isco knew already what he was about to say.

"I won't tell anyone, Álvi."

"I like you Isco... I really like you a lot it's just... it's ..."

"...complicated?" Isco interrupted, ending his sentence. 'When is it not?" He added, causing Álvaro to lower his gaze.

"I'll explain it to you just..."

"...it's okay. Really... you said you should go so... go." Again Isco interrupted him. Álvaro looked back to him. The way he looked at Isco, with sad eyes, made Isco stand up and pull him into a hug. He winced lightly as Isco pulled him close. Isco frowned? Did he wince earlier too? He couldn't remember. He hadn't paid any attention.

"Álvi... are you okay?" he asked quietly, letting slowly go of the taller boy.

"I'm fine."  
"Don't lie to me Álvi..." Isco said. "I've used that line often enough to know when it is meant seriously and when not..." He explained as Álvaro looked at him almost shocked. Yet the other boy said nothing so Isco tried to lift up his shirt.

He needed to check Álvaro's stomach - he had winced as Isco had wrapped his arms around him. Álvaro in the other hand reacted right away and kept him from it. "Don't..." Álvaro looked so panicked suddenly. "Álvaro..." Was all Isco could say, before the other boy had left his room with big steps. Isco just starred out of his room, where Álvaro had just disappeared.

He hoped. He hoped it wasn't that what he was thinking.

But it couldn't be right?

Why would anyone harm him? No one could be that cruel, or?


	17. Thirteenth Chapter

Surprises were negative things for Isco. He despised them. Of course they could be good but he felt that they always ended up bad somehow.

So as he came to school on Monday morning - he didn't expect anything -Neither from Cris, nor from Iker and even less from Álvaro. From the latter he more expected that he would act like nothing happened at all between them last night. After all he had wanted to ask Isco to keep it as a secret.

Isco would.

He kept it for himself and the thought of last night, warmed his heart. Maybe they would never be together for real but at least Isco knew he knew that Álvaro was into him as much as he was into him.

Anyways, back to the point. Surprises - He expected none but got three of them. The first one came as he was at his locker and was suddenly surrounded by Cris, Iker, Sergio, Marcelo, James, Toni, Fabio, Jesé and Álvaro Medrán. It would be an understatement when he'd say he was confused about it. Yet he found himself in a group hug. In a hug with people he barely knew and yet they all seem to care... he would've never thought that getting closer to Cris, would automatically make him more popular. He never actually wanted that. Yet it felt good. Whatever the reason was that they all started to care, he didn't care. As Iker told me, they had just told them, that he had been gone back to his old hometown to visit the grave of a friend. He and Cris hadn't said more. It had been enough for them to hear that Isco was grieving that Marcelo had suggested a group hug. Group hugs were curing.

It was a cute thought - enjoyable surprise.

The second surprise was that they had a new student. A new student Isco already knew. "Isco?!" He had turned around confused as someone had shouted his name. He had felt like he was hallucinating as he saw him.

Paco

Paco was here. How? Why? When? Questions over questions

Paco had hugged him tightly. Told him how much he had missed him and he'd be happy to see him again. He would've been sad as his parents had told him that they wouldn't move back to their old town but this one. But now? Now where he saw that Isco was here too, he was happy. In one way it had been a great feeling to see Paco again but ... of course he hadn't been really actual of the things that had happen. He didn't know about José.

So it more likely ended up being a weird and uncomfortable surprise. Not only because of José. But also because they were ex-boyfriends and their relationship hadn't really ended in the best way. Isco didn't ask about the other guy and Paco didn't mention him.

The most awkward point for Isco was more... that Álvaro saw them. Saw how Paco had hugged him. Of course the others asked as Paco left him, from where Isco knew him. Isco's 'first' boyfriend

And then the third one - One he had expected as last but he had to admit, it was the best of all.

Mr. Morata was their new math teacher - at least for a while until their other teacher would come back. Afterwards he'd give lessons to younger students.

He had held up Isco at the end of the lesson, told him that he was sorry that he didn't say anything on Saturday. But he hadn't wanted to be so selfish while Isco was grieving. And he hadn't been sure until yesterday evening that he would really do this replacement first. Isco was fine with it. He wasn't mad because of it.

He just was happy to have a teacher who would understand that Isco needed sometimes a bit more time.

Isco did miss the look Mr. Morata gave Álvaro, as he passed them without really looking at them. Well, what Isco didn't know yet, was that Mr. Morata wasn't just a teacher for Álvaro... but he'd find out soon enough. Drama was nevertheless inevitable.

Some Drama had already happened yesterday after all, while Álvaro had been at Isco's.

Both didn't know yet that Mr. Morata had been at Álvaro's home.

As Isco thought it was finally over with those surprises because the day was almost over - at least school was, he was glad.

But just as he wanted to leave the school, he got held up again.

"Isco, can I talk to you?" Isco looked at her confused but nodded. He followed her and they went to a place where they were alone. He wondered what she wanted to say. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited for her to speak.

"Listen, I don't care about you. I care about Álvaro. And he gets himself in trouble when he's around you." Isco raised slightly an eyebrow. Trouble? Isco hadn't known that he meant trouble. "What's that supposed to mean, Maria?" He asked as she didn't continue.

"Just stay away from him. He's mine. Understood?!" Isco made a step back as she made one towards him. Not that he was afraid of her or anything but her presence was unpleasant to him.

"Álvaro isn't a thing you can possess." He replied, because she was looking at him as if he'd agree with her. "It's his own decision with whom he wants to spend time with and with whom not."

She laughed.

Did he say something funny?

"Whatever Isco.... just stay away from him" She said and turned around to walk away, leaving him there -confused. What the hell was wrong with her?!

He kind of felt the urge to prove a point so instead of going home as he actually had wanted; he went to the football pitch, where he knew the team was practicing now.

It didn't surprise him to see that Paco there as well.

Yet his eyes searched for Álvaro and found him; he was passing the ball to Jesé. They were talking; Isco could see their lips moving and wondered what they were talking about.

"Isco!" A grinning Cris came over to him. Isco looked at him, smiling softly. "Do you want to practice with us?" Isco opened his mouth in surprise. ¨

"Eh... no...I just..."

"ISCO" Paco came over to them. "I already wondered why you're not here. Aren't you in the team?"

"I don't play anymore..." Isco replied. Paco frowned.

"Not because of..."

"Actually exactly because of that so ...I just go over there because I want to wait until you guys are finished so I can talk to Álvaro." Isco interrupted him - turned around and walked over to the stands to sit down. He felt Paco's and Cris' confused gazes on his back but he didn't care. He just watched them practice - mess around. He sighed softly and couldn't help but feel sad. He hated it. He hated it how easily his mood could change. One minute he was fine the other he felt like crying.

Well, watching the team wasn't the best idea probably because he got remembered how it had been as he had played - As he had been in a team - in a team with José.

José had always made Isco laugh.

Isco's heart felt heavy while he watched the team. Maybe he just should go home. Maybe he shouldn't talk to Álvaro. Maybe it was better when he stayed away from him as Maria told him... Maybe he sh-...

"Hey Isco." His thoughts got interrupted as someone said his name. Mr. Morata was standing next to him, smiling softly. "Am I allowed to sit next to you?" Isco nodded.

"Of course..."

Maybe a bit company would stop him from over thinking.

"Is the team good?" Mr. Morata asked. Isco shrugged.

"I don't... really know... I just... it's the first time I am actually watching them practice." He was looking over to Álvaro. He was grimacing - he just had been tackled down by Sergio. No wonder he grimaced. It had definitely been painful a bit yet Isco wondered if it maybe had another reason.

Maybe Álvaro was already injured somehow and that's why he felt pain now.

Isco had thought about it a lot yesterday after Álvaro had left. Could it be that Álvaro got abused? - But by whom?

"Álvaro is their main striker, right?"

"Ehm... I don't know..." Isco blushed lightly. "But I think so yes... him and Cris are the two that score the most for the team so..." Isco shrugged.

Mr. Morata nodded lightly. "You've really separated yourself from football haven't you?" Isco lowered his gaze at that.

"It feels wrong to play..." He mumbled quietly. "...I feel like I can't breathe when I am on the pitch..."

"I don't want to push you to anything, Isco... but you only will feel better... only will get over what happened if you try to live your life as you did before... anything else will just keep you from ever process it completely."

"I just can't."

"Alfonso?!" The coach approached and Mr. Morata looked at him, smiling.

"Luis!" He stood up, patting Isco's shoulder. "Think about it." Isco just nodded as he left to go over to the coach. Isco breathed out softly. He almost missed that the coach had ended practice.

"Álvaro!" He stood up and walked over to the other boy, who was looking at him rather surprised.

"Isco... hey..."

"Can we talk?" Isco asked, ignoring the questioning look of Jesé.

"I can't." Álvaro replied, making Isco frown.

"But..."

"I'm sorry." Álvaro added, interrupting Isco and turned around to walk inside. Isco just looked after him. Okay...

Cris walked past him and ruffled his hair - he winked at him before he disappeared inside as well.

It didn't take long and everyone was inside - in the locker rooms. Isco turned around and grabbed one of the footballs that had been forgotten next to the pitch.

He rolled the ball between his hands.

He sighed softly as he remembered José's words.

_"You're magical Isco."_

_"Overreacting much, are we." Isco had replied. José just had laughed._

_"I love watching you play and that will never change."_

Isco felt close to tears. He let the ball fall and turned around.

He just wanted to go home.

He felt so stupid to even think that Álvaro would talk to him.

While everyone noticed it - after all he more likely seemed to want to keep it as a secret that they knew each other. ...That they had been close. Closer as friends normally were.

He turned around, embraced himself and walked away from the pitch.

"Isco..." He stopped as he heard Mr. Morata. The teacher arrived next to him. "Are you okay? You look shaken."  
"I am fine..." The lie slipped so easily out of his mouth. Yet Mr. Morata didn't seem to believe him.

"Come on. I'll bring you home."


	18. Fourteenth Chapter

All the way home, gladly Mr. Morata hadn't push Isco to talk. He just had told him that whenever Isco needed someone to talk, he would be there to listen. He didn't even live that far away from Isco. Two houses down in the same street. Coincidence? Probably

Howsoever

Isco felt so numb. It hadn't been a good idea bringing himself to remember José. He shouldn't have gone to the football pitch. He shouldn't have.

It should've been clear for him that Álvaro wouldn't talk to him.

Álvaro's mood swings were giving him headache but well, his own mood swings weren't any better.

He didn't expect anyone so he was surprised as minutes later someone knocked at his door. Yet he told the person to come in. He frowned surprised and confused as he saw him. "Cris, hey."  
"Hey Isco." Cris sat down on the bed next to him. "I thought I check on you. You disappeared so fast. I thought that we could go eat something all together but as we came out of the locker room you were gone."

Isco blushed lightly. He hadn't thought that anyone would even really notice. "I just... couldn't stay any longer..."

Cris nodded lightly at that. "Are you okay?" Cris asked looking at Isco lightly worried. Did Isco still look shaken? Or why would he ask that? "I guess Álvaro didn't want to talk to you."

"No... He just said that he can't and ... left to the locker room." Isco shrugged lightly. "I don't know why I expected any different from him."

"Did you leave because of that? ...Because he didn't want to talk to you?" Cris asked. Isco shook his head. "He doesn't talk to us others more either you know... he's been acting so differently since last week... "

Isco frowned. "Can you tell me something about his stepfather?" He asked, which made Cris frown. "Sure... what do you want to know?"

"I don't know... just how he is... you guys sounded all so weirdly last week as you mention him."

"Well, he's quite the business man. Works for the biggest company here in town and... He's not a fan of people like me, as he said once to me"   
"People like you?" Isco raised an eyebrow confused. What was that supposed to mean? Cris opened his mouth to reply but Isco got it. "People like you...he's homophobic? That's what you meant with his parents are complicated..."

"He's rather obsessed with it... he doesn't like it that Álvaro and I are friends. But he can't really do anything about it..."

"What do you think how he'd react if he knew that Álvaro is..."

"... into guys as well? I don't know." Cris shrugged. "He definitely wouldn't be happy about it. It's apparently difficult enough for him to accept Álvaro anyway. Who likes to raise the child of another man but... if he knew... he probably would freak out? Guess that's why I basically can understand that Alvaro can't come out to his parents... even if it be better for him. He's putting himself under to much pressure."

Isco lowered his gaze. "Do you think his stepfather would abuse him?" Isco looked up as Cris didn't respond. Cris was looking at him rather shocked.

"No... I mean he's a complicated and definitely a short-temperate man but... abusing Álvaro? No. I don't think so. Why would you think that? Did Álvaro mention something to you?" Isco could hear the panic in Cris voice.

Maybe he shouldn't have said that.

"No... It's just... "Isco licked lightly over his bottom lip and sighed."Álvaro's wrist was bruised lightly and ... as I hugged him ... yesterday... "He knew that he shouldn't tell Cris about what had happened yesterday exactly but he could tell him that he saw Álvaro right? It didn't mean that something must've happen between them. "He winced. Like my embrace hurt him physically"

Cris looked stunned.

"I don't want to give you any ideas ... it just popped up in my head and the way you guys reacted by the mentioning of his stepfather I thought maybe... I mean I don't know him and I hope I am wrong. Maybe he just hurt himself during practice or so..."

Cris grimaced lightly. "I really hope you're wrong... but now where you pointed it out... it kind of makes a bit sense... he's quite sensitive lately."

"He won't tell us even if..." Isco said quietly.

"No he won't... but maybe I could get Jesé to find something out. He's the only one who's actually accepted from his stepfather... "

"Just don't..."

"I won't mention you. I can understand that you're worried about him. We all are... I just hope he's fine and you're wrong."

Isco could just agree. He hoped that his suspicion was wrong.

"How's it going with Fabio?" Isco asked, changing the subject.

"Quite well... We were out last night. He's so adorable..." Isco couldn't help but smile lightly as Cris started to tell him about it. He could hear that the other boy was definitely in love.

Even if it was kind of relieving to have Cris around, it kept him from getting to depressive thoughts, he kind of was glad as the other boy left minutes later. Isco felt so exhausted. Yet he got himself to do his homework. He couldn't really endure a speech of Mourinho again.

The next morning he woke up early to go to school. As every day since he was friends with Iker, he went there with him. Iker's presence had a calming effect on him.

They didn't talk much. Isco had never been really a morning person. Gladly Iker didn't seem to mind. He was just there. Iker was always there and Isco was more than happy about it.

At the school, Sergio pulled Iker with him and left Isco alone at his locker. He didn't mind. He wouldn't be really able to endure Sergio's voice at the moment - he just talked too much sometimes. How could someone be so talkative in the morning?

The school day went by without anything worth mentioning. Paco talked to him a few times. Asked him if Isco would show him around in town but as Isco told him, that he basically knew nothing about the town, he was rather disappointed and left him. Isco didn't really know what to think about Paco's behaviour.... what had he expected? That Isco would act like nothing ever happened between them? Isco couldn't. And he wouldn't.

The whole week went by quickly. Soon it was Friday evening. The others tried to make him go out with them but Isco refused. He wasn't in the mood. Álvaro had been ignoring him all week. Jesé hadn't found out anything either. Or maybe he just didn't tell them.

Isco walked home alone. He enjoyed the silence. He didn't always need someone to walk him home. He could take care of himself.

He just walked in the street as he could see Mr. Morata arguing with a woman, Isco hadn't seen yet. They both seemed rather upset about something and Isco wondered about what they were talking about. Of course it was none of his business but he had to pass them to go home. Yet he stopped in the tracks, a few steps away from them, as he heard Álvaro's name.

Okay

Maybe they meant another Álvaro.

They were lots of Álvaro's in his school.

"He's better off without you?!"

"Better off without me? Are you serious? He doesn't really seem to be happy!"

"You can't just show up and think you can have a place in his life!"

"I can. I am his father!"

"No you are not! You weren't there! Javier is his father!"

Mr. Morata snorted. "You sent me away! That's why I wasn't there for him and every day since then I regret it... I regret it that I let you take away my son!"

"He thinks you abandoned him and I want to keep it that way!"

"Why huh? Because if he knew the truth he would know that it was you... you that took him his father?!"

"He has a father."

"We both know that Javier can't and won't ever accept him..."

"You're insane if you think that Álvaro will welcome you with open arms."

"I ..." Mr. Morata stopped in his tracks. Isco lowered his gaze and he could feel himself blushing. That definitely had been something he shouldn't have heard. But why were they arguing outside? "Isco...." Isco looked up; Mr. Morata was smiling at him softly.

"This is Isco?" Isco looked at the woman confused. Why did she know him?

"Yes ..." Mr. Morata was frowning as well. "Isco this is Susana Martin. Álvaro's mother" The glare she gave Mr. Morata, made Isco bite his bottom lip. Guess she didn't want him to know. Not after what he just heard. Mr. Morata just rolled his eyes. "I am sorry I didn't want to listen I just..."  
"It's okay Isco. Just promise you keep it for yourself."

"I will. Promise" Álvaro's mother looked at Isco - Somehow curious but somehow fondly.

Isco was more than just confused about it.

"Susana I guess you should go now."

"Fine... think about what I said."  
"I told you I made up my mind."

She rolled her eyes but left.

Isco looked at his teacher. Not knowing what to say. He was Álvaro's father? - Álvaro's biological father? "I feel like asking you not to tell him would be a burden, right?"

Isco nodded at his words. He sighed softly. "Guess it's anyway about time I tell him. I can't keep on acting that he would be just a normal student for me."

"That's the thing you said you have to take care off I guess..." Isco remembered.

Mr. Morata nodded. "I am just afraid of how he'll react..."

Isco shrugged lightly. "I am sure if you have a good reason why you left... he'll understand."

"I hope so Isco... I really hope so."


	19. ♚

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am not sure bout this chapter tho. i think i ruined it.

What Isco didn't know - what no one knew except for Álvaro himself, Maria and his father was... something that had happen way back, after Álvaro had kissed Isco close to the football pitch.

After Álvaro had gone home from Isco's, he had been 'welcomed' by his father and Maria. More like, he had found Maria sitting on the couch in their living room crying. His first thought had been... what the hell was she doing here? Secondly he wondered why she was crying - Fake tears after all. He knew her to well to get fooled by it. Yet his father did.

Álvaro had shivered at the way his father had been looking at him. Angry but also somehow disgusted. But why...?

He would find out soon enough. He got told to sit down and he did. Far away from Maria, who pouted cause of that. It didn't bother him a bit.

As his father started talking he froze. She had done what? He looked over to her, speechless. He felt his phone vibrating and knew without looking that she had sent him something - after all she was holding her phone in her hands. His father took it from her and showed the picture to Álvaro. Asked him what the hell would be wrong with him, letting himself being kissed by a boy?!

Wait what? It had been him initiating the kiss.

His father deleted the picture from Maria's phone, which made her shout out upset. He told her to leave. He'd talk to his son and bring back his senses. It must've been Isco, Isco who had confused him. She and Álvaro would be back together soon.

 _No,_ Álvaro had thought. _No, don't go. Don't leave me alone with him..._ Maybe it was the way his father looked at himthat scared him more than it should. There was that weird glint in his eyes that made him feel more than just uncomfortable. Why? Why did Maria have to tell his stepfather?! Álvaro felt like he'd be going to be a bit abusive. Wouldn't be the first time...well... the first time he had thought it had happen out of mistake... a slap on the face... because Álvaro had been bit out of line. His stepfather had apologized. Álvaro had let go of it - Never told his mother.

His father and Maria left the living room together. Soon Álvaro could hear the door open and close. Maria had left. Alvaro stood up and just wanted to go upstairs.

He wasn't going to listen to him.

But just as he had made few steps up, he got pulled back, he stumbled and fell - it almost felt like he got pushed but maybe he just imagined it. Pain shot through his body as he hit his knee at the stair. He didn't really have the time to calm down because he got pulled up by his wrist. The grip of his stepfather was rather tight.

Álvaro couldn't really understand what the hell was wrong. Okay, yes he had kissed a boy but that didn't give him the right to be so upset about it.

He wouldn't allow it.

Did he ask for permission? No.

He got pushed away and landed rather hard against the side rest of the couch.

Ungrateful bastard - his father had mumbled.

Ungrateful...?

When for god's sake had Álvaro ever been ungrateful? Just because he has fallen in love with a boy, he was ungrateful?!

He lifted himself up and took a few steps away from him. The way his stepfather was shaking of anger, scared him. He rubbed his wrist. He hadn't even realized that the grip had been so tight... his wrist was almost blue.

As his father started talking about the fact that he would not allow Álvaro to be with Isco, it slipped out of his mouth. He wouldn't be his father. He had no right to make any demands.

He knew the moment those words left his mouth that it wasn't good. He cursed himself inside. The anger in his stepfather's eyes changed into something Álvaro couldn't even name.

Never in his life, had he been happier - more relieved as he heard the voice of his mother, as she entered the house.

The look he got from his stepfather was enough to make it clear for him - no word to her.

He went upstairs after he talked shortly with his mother. In his room he got rid of his shirt. His stomach was hurting. Maybe he had hurt himself somehow as he had landed on the stairs first and then the couch side rest.

He grimaced as he saw the blue spot. Perfect. How was he supposed to go to practice tomorrow? He wouldn't be able to answer the questions of his friends.

After dinner he went to bed early, which confused his mother. She thought he was going to be ill and told him if he wouldn't feel better, he didn't have to go to school tomorrow.

A good idea, Álvaro had thought. He wouldn't miss much by not going to school for a couple of days.

He was lying in his bed and took his phone out for the first time since he came home. He opened the message Maria had sent him - more by mistake. He didn't care about the other messages she had written. He only saved the picture.

The picture she had made and showed it to his stepfather from all people....

He sat up abruptly and hid his phone as someone knocked at his door and his stepfather entered.

Álvaro was allowed to stay home - more likely because of the bruises - but when he'd go back to school, he would get back with Maria not with Isco.

Isco's father, as his stepfather told him, was working for his company. If he found out that Álvaro would be still around Isco, he'd make sure that he got fired and wouldn't get any other job in town... which would make it necessary for them to move away.

So it was on Álvaro, either he stayed away from Isco or he ruined his life.

His stepfather smiled at him, as his mother came in and patted his hair. Álvaro looked after him, not really knowing what to say. "What's wrong sweetheart? Is it Maria again?"

Álvaro had just lowered his gaze at that. "You don't have to stay with her just because her father and yours are friends you know... I want you to be happy... maybe there's someone else at your school that matches better to you..." He looked back up at her. "Is there?" She added and looked suddenly curious. Álvaro bit his bottom lip.

"It doesn't matter...." He said eventually.

"Why not? Doesn't she like you?" Álvaro would've laughed about it but it wasn't funny.

"It's not a she, mum..." He came out to his mum. Simple, he thought.

It took his mother a few minutes to reply to that. "So... he doesn't like you then? How's that possible? You're wonderful." Álvaro looked up, surprised. Why had he thought she'd judge him because of it? Maybe because he had thought that she was as homophobic as his stepfather... she never said anything different. He didn't even realize that tears welled in his eyes. "Oh sweetheart..." His mother took his face in her hands and breathed a kiss on his forehead. "Were you afraid I wouldn't accept you being into a guy?" She asked and he nodded. "What's his name?"

"Isco..."

She smiled softly. "I am sure Isco just needs a bit more time to appreciate how amazing you are." She stood up - a moment he thought about telling her, what her husband wanted from him but... did he really want to risk his stepfather getting angry at his mother as well? Rather it was him getting his hate and not her. "Good night..."

He didn't go to school - didn't attend the important match... and as he went back to school... he didn't took part at practice.

Everyday his stepfather reminded him, what he said him that day. Always gripping his wrist and holding it tighter as necessary. The bruises there could barely heal.

Maria was more than happy as he called her on Monday morning and told her... he'd want her back. All Monday she was around him.

All Monday he could feel Isco's gaze on him.

Isco definitely felt betrayed.

He would tell him. He would explain it to him. Later

Not here, not here where Maria could see them together.

So after school, he told Maria he'd go over to Nacho's - Nacho promised to back him up. After all they had an essay to do together so it was a plausible thing.

He went to Isco's house and sat down on the stairs that led up. He wouldn't ring. He couldn't talk to his mother or his father. He just wanted to talk to Isco.

Yet as Isco came, he understood that the other boy was to hurt to even listen. It didn't really surprise him that Isco sent him away. Yet he needed to tell him that he didn't lie, he'd never lie to Isco.

He had no idea what was going on in Isco's life... he hadn't known much before and now he did even less... he could see that Isco was more often around Cris and the others... he'd love to be a part of it but ... he kept away from them. The closer they got to Isco, the more he stayed away.

His mother talked to him more often - mostly when his stepfather wasn't around - Like she'd feel that Álvaro was keeping something from her.

"Have you talked to him?"

"Mum..."

"I am just curious... how does he look like?"

"He's not..."

"Not into guys?"

Álvaro sighed. "He is but..."

"But...?"

"I just..."

"Your friends won't turn their backs on you just because you're with a guy, sweetheart."

"That's not it..."  
"Then what...?"

"I just... I don't know..."

"Okay... how you want sweetheart. But you should talk to him... tell him what you feel..."

Álvaro had smiled at her. He had been relieved as he she had left.

On Sunday he thought, he could go to talk to Isco.

He needed to clear things.

He told his parents he'd go to Nacho.

Nacho was the one he trusted the most at the moment.

As Isco's mother told him that he wasn't home but be here soon, he decided to wait. He waited in Isco's room. It surprised him. Isco's room was so spartanic. Nothing that could make you realize that in this room was living a teenager.

Well, Álvaro thought. His best friend died a year ago - no wonder Isco was living more in his own little world.

As Isco came into his own room, he had expected him to shout at him. Send him away but he didn't. They ended up cuddling - falling asleep - and then? They kissed. Being with Isco could be so... easy... he felt complete which confused him a bit. He had never felt like a piece of him was missing... but as he left after his father called him, he missed Isco right away.   
It had been more than just comfortable to feel Isco on top of him.

He knew they needed to talk. He needed to explain it to Isco.

Yet as Isco came to him the next day, he brushed him off.

He couldn't risk to be seen with him too long.

Not as long as he didn't know how to ... find a solution for his problem with his stepfather.

He didn't want Isco's father to get into trouble because of him.

The week went by slowly for him.

As he came home he found his mother in his room - looking rather sad.   
"We need to talk Álvaro." She started

"About what?"

"About your father..."

He frowned confused. "Did something happen to dad?" It felt wrong for him to call him 'dad' but well... She didn't know right? She couldn't...

"Not your stepfather, but about your biological father..."

"What about him?" Álvaro had long ago stopped thinking about him. A man, who had abandoned him, didn't deserve that he spent time with thinking about him...

"He's back and wants to get to know you."


	20. Fifteenth Chapter

Saturdays

Isco hated them. Okay. He actually had a distaste against every day but weekends? They were the worst. Why? Why he couldn't be as happy as his classmates? ...Because on weekends he had literally nothing to do.... to much space for his head to over think. ...Over thinking mostly ended with him burying himself under his blanket and crying. His parents tried to keep him from it. They went out shopping grocery with him - talked to him all day... but this Saturday they had an event to take part.

Cris asked him if he wanted to go out with him - with him and others but he said no. He couldn't. He wasn't in the mood. At the end he'd see Álvaro and he had no idea when Mr. Morata would tell him that he was his father... Isco wouldn't be able to keep that secret.

To avoid crying, to avoid over thinking, he had made it himself comfortable in his bed and was watching different movies. Yes, he had a television in his room. The only thing he actually had insisted of having. As every boy he had of course a play station and even an Xbox but he didn't use them. They were still in a box along with the games in his closet.

He got tired of the movie and fell asleep. Gladly he was already in his bed so he didn't have to worry. He woke up as someone rang the bell. Yawning he sat up on his bed and frowned. Were his parents back and had forgotten the key? He looked over to the clock and frowned. It was almost midnight.

He stood up, not bothering to dress up. He had known he'd fall asleep while watching the movie that's why he had undressed already and had just lied in his boxers in the bed. After he turned the light on he walked downstairs to the door. Just to be sure, he looked through the peephole. He frowned confused but opened the door. "Álvaro..."

"Isc! Did I wake you up?"Álvaro smiled broadly at him first but as he looked down at Isco he frowned confused. Was it that late already?

"Kind of..." Isco replied honest.

"Can I come in?" Álvaro asked but didn't really wait for a reply, just walked past Isco inside. Confused about his behaviour, Isco closed the door and followed him. Álvaro had made himself on the way to Isco's room.

Isco watched him. Álvaro had entered his room and was looking rather confused. Álvaro turned around to look at him and walked towards him. He almost stumbled over his own feet, steps away from Isco. Isco caught him. "Álvaro are you drunk?" Isco asked and looked up to the other boy. Álvaro wrapped his arms around him and hold him close. "I'm not..."

Isco raised an eyebrow. He could smell the alcohol in his breath. Isco wrapped his arms around Álvaro too. He felt wide awake suddenly. "What are you doing here Álvi?" He asked. It surprised him. It did. He somehow felt happy to see him but he definitely hadn't expected him.

"I wanted to see you." Álvaro replied simply.

"Couldn't you wait until tomorrow instead of showing up in front of my door almost at midnight?"

"No..." Álvaro replied, leaning down and brushing his lips over Isco's. It made Isco shiver. "I needed to see you..."

"Why...?" Isco asked - clearly losing the ability to think clearly. Álvaro was just too close.

"...because I missed you..." Before Isco could reply something to it, Álvaro pressed his lips onto his. - Kissing Isco rather passionate. Isco lifted his hand up, placing it on his neck - a second he thought about pushing him away but ... he just kept him close - Kissed him back. He had closed his eyes and moaned softly, as Alvaro bit slightly his bottom lip. "Did you miss me too?" Álvaro asked between kisses. Isco envied his ability to think clearly, even if he was drunk and they were kissing like this. Him in the other hand felt way to light headed - maybe he was just still too sleepy - and maybe this was just a dream. Maybe he was still sleeping and Álvaro wasn't even really here. "Of course..." He got out eventually. He barely noticed that Álvaro had walked backwards with him. First as they landed on his bed, Isco on top of Álvaro, he realized it. He looked at the boy underneath him. Álvaro was looking rather flushed. His eyes had darkened with lust. Well, Isco was on top of him, he could feel what effect he had on the other boy. Álvaro was aroused - Isco as well. Isco shouldn't. Isco couldn't. He wouldn't. Not just because Álvaro was definitely drunk. Kissing him just had proven him right. He tasted after alcohol - Lots of alcohol. He wondered why he had gotten drunk. But also, because it'd be his first time. He wouldn't want his first time to be like this. A drunk fuck. He knew that if Álvaro would be sober, they wouldn't be in this position now, so he tried to get up from him. Yet Álvaro didn't let him. He turned them around so he was on top of Isco - pressing his knee in between Isco's legs. Isco breathed out, as he realized that he had been holding it. "Álvi..." He said but the other wasn't really listening. Álvaro started to kiss his neck - wandered down with his hand and slipped under Isco's boxer shorts. Isco moaned. Oh god. How could it be wrong to do this? It felt so right... so good... Álvaro was kissing him again. His hand was out of Isco's boxers and now he was dry humping him - making Isco moan.

Somehow Isco managed to gain his self-control back. He sat up pushing Álvaro up. "Stop Álvaro... not like this...not when you're drunk... "Alvaro's eyes filled with tears."Álvi... "Isco was confused.

"You don't want me."

What?

"That's not it..." Isco tried to justify himself but Álvaro had stood up already and was about to leave his room - most likely stumbling over his own feet - a wonder he didn't fall. "Álvaro wait..." Isco got up and grabbed a shirt. Now he hated the fact that the other was taller... had longer legs. How was he supposed to keep up with it? Álvaro did need way less steps to get downstairs and out of the front door as Isco.

Isco frowned as he saw the car... wait? Did he drive here? Like that? He saw Álvaro searching something in his pockets. He arrived at him almost out of breath. Well, his condition wasn't the best anymore. "You're not going to drive like this!" He said, grabbing Alvaro by his arm.

"Let go of me!" Álvaro shouted at him.

"You're drunk. You're going to get yourself killed or someone else..."

"I am not! I made it to come here... I'll make it home!" He tried to free his arm but Isco didn't let him go.

"No Álvaro... just stay here tonight okay? Just please..." Isco's eyes filled with tears. Okay. Breathe Isco, breathe. He thought. He shouldn't be thinking of the possibility that something could happen to Álvaro.

"Why do you even care...?" Álvaro said. "... I'm a mess... no wonder you don't want me... no one wants me..." Shortly Álvaro looked absent - what was he thinking?

"I care because I love you." Isco said, making Álvaro look at him stunned.

"You love me?"

Isco smiled at him, almost pained. "I do... and I know you don't and I know you have your reasons why you can't be with me but... just stay here tonight? Okay? No one needs to know you've been here..."

"Álvaro... Isco..." Both of them turned their heads around. Isco stared at his teacher - at Álvaro's father. He felt Álvaro tense up - well, he was still holding his arm.

"Go away!" Álvaro shouted at him.

"I don't want to ..."

"No! You have no right to just show up and think you can be a part of my life!" Álvaro interrupted him. Isco felt kind of relieved. Álvaro knew. Good.

"I get it Álvaro." His father said. "I get it that you are mad at me. If I'd be you... I would be too. I just saw you two out here and was worried... "

Álvaro turned his back to him and looked Isco. Isco's heart felt heavy. Álvaro was looking so sad suddenly. Almost broken. He pulled him into a hug and looked over to Mr. Morata. "I'll take care of him..."

"Thank you..."

Isco pulled Álvaro back inside the house. He could feel Mr. Morata's gaze on them. Álvaro had gotten quiet. He was just holding on Isco. In his room, Isco helped Álvaro to undress. Isco wondered what was going on in his head but he didn't ask. When Álvaro was ready to talk, he would. Isco knew. He had had those phases as well where he just wanted to left alone with his thoughts. Just in boxer shorts they went to bed. Isco spooned Álvaro, because the taller had turned his back to him. It was a bit weird for Isco, to be the one taking care of someone else. For a long time he had trouble to take care of himself and now? Well, at least he thought, he wasn't feeling like he was falling anymore. Softly he stroked with his thumb absently over Álvaro's wrist. Of course he had seen the bruises. Yet he didn't ask. Álvaro would tell him, when he was ready.

After all, Álvaro came to him tonight. It didn't matter that much for Isco that Álvaro didn't love him - didn't say it back. All that mattered that Álvaro let him take care of him. If anything would've happen to him because Isco had let him drive away, he would've never been able to to get over that. He couldn't lose Álvaro. Not like that.

"Isco... are you sleeping?" He heard Álvaro's soft voice, as he almost was drifting away in sleep.

"Not yet..." Isco yawned softly. He was so tired. As Álvaro didn't continue, he closed his eyes. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep.

"I love you too..." Álvaro whispered quietly - fully aware that Isco had fallen asleep behind him.


	21. Sixteenth Chapter

Álvaro woke up before Isco did. He looked at the other boy, who was sleeping peacefully. He smiled softly. He knew he should’ve told Isco while he was awake that he loved him too. He wondered why Isco thought that Álvi wouldn’t love him. Maybe he had just given him that feeling. Sighing softly he thought about leaving. Maybe it would be better if he was gone before Isco woke up. In sleep he had turned around and his legs were entangled with Isco’s. How could he stand up without waking him up? He didn’t want to leave. He really didn’t. It felt more than just comfortable lying here next to him – so close. But he had to…

Without even really realizing – he was too distracted by the thought of how he could stand up - his plan got crushed as Isco opened his eyes and looked at him. Isco yawned softly. “Good Morning…”

“Good Morning …” Álvaro replied quietly.

Isco couldn’t help but blush lightly under Álvaro’s intense look. “Do I have something in my face?” He asked – he cleared his throat lightly because his voice sounded way too sleepy. Álvaro smiled, making Isco’s heart skip a beat. “You’re so beautiful…”  
Okay, now Isco was definitely almost as red as a tomato. He hadn’t expect this. “I’m…” He started but got interrupted by Álvaro who pressed his lips onto his. He literally melted into the kiss.

They kept kissing each other until a knock made them pull away. “Isco?!” His mother. “If you two are awake… lunch is ready!”

Álvaro blushed. How did Isco’s parents know he was here? They weren’t home as he came here last night. Isco sighed softly and sat up. “Sorry…” He said and looked down to Álvaro, who hadn’t move yet. “I am not allowed to lock the door so I guess they took a peek last night as they came home.”

“Why are you not allowed to lock your door?” Álvaro asked and sat up slowly, as Isco lowered his gaze. “They… are afraid I could do something…”

“Do something?” Álvaro regretted the question as he saw Isco grimacing. Isco didn’t even need to reply. He got it. “Isco did you try to …”

“It was an accident… I didn’t want to… but my parents didn’t believe me… I didn’t… “Isco looked up. “I was so exhausted and lost track of how many sleeping pills I already had taken…” Álvaro shivered lightly. He wrapped his arms around Isco and Isco buried his face in the crook of his neck.

“Is it because of what happened to José?” Álvaro asked, making Isco look up stunned.

“You know…?” He asked confused and Álvaro shook lightly his head.

“Your mother just told me that you went to his grave last weekend… that’s all I know… but I guess losing a best friend can’t be easy to handle…”

Isco’s eyes filled with tears – Álvaro hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry…”

Isco didn’t say anything.

“Can you promise me that you won’t try to take your life ever again?” Álvaro asked quietly. “I don’t want to lose you Isco…”

“Can I be honest?”

“Of course…” Álvaro frowned lightly confused.

“I haven’t thought about it since I met you.”

Álvaro ignored the fact that Isco basically told him that he had thought about taking his life. That Isco’s parents had been right by being afraid he could do something – he only could think about the fact that he had made a difference in Isco’s life without even really realizing it. He leaned down and kissed him softly – making Isco whimper of protest as he pulled away again.

Again a knock at the door and the door got opened a bit. “Isco? Álvaro?” Isco’s mother looked at them, smiling softly. “I don’t want to rush you guys but …Álvaro your father is here.”

“My father?” Álvaro asked confused.”  
“Yes… he brought something Isco’s father. He’s waiting for you downstairs.” She closed the door again and left.

Álvaro froze. His father… his stepfather…

“I didn’t know my father works with your stepfather…” Isco said, who was still looking confused at his door. He shook lightly his head and turned around to look at Álvaro. He frowned. “Álvaro? Are you okay?” Isco took his face into his hands. Álvaro looked so startled. Álvaro took Isco’s hands in his and looked at him almost desperate. “I should go… I shouldn’t let him wait…” He stood up almost abruptly and let go of Isco. Isco watched him perplex.

“Álvaro does your stepfather abuse you?” Álvaro froze in the spot – he had just been putting on his pants. He couldn’t lie. He wouldn’t lie. Not to Isco. He looked at the other boy, who was still sitting on his bed. “Isco… I can’t…”

The fact that he didn’t deny it nor confirmed it… made it clear for Isco. He stood up to get dressed up as well. He wanted to meet Álvaro’s stepfather.  
Together they went downstairs as they had finished dressing up.

“Álvaro, there you are!” His stepfather was smiling – he looked way to friendly in Isco’s opinion.

“Hey dad…” Álvaro replied quietly.

“We were worried as we heard you weren’t at Nacho’s. You could’ve told us that you came over here.”

“I forgot…”

“Next time he’ll sure inform you.” Isco’s mother smiled softly at Álvaro.

“He didn’t have lunch yet. Can’t he stay and go home after wards?” Isco threw in, as he got the point that Álvaro didn’t want to leave – didn’t want to leave with his stepfather.

“His mother is waiting home for us with lunch but thank you.” Álvaro’s stepfather replied.

“Okay… then… bye Álvaro” Isco’s mother gave him a short kiss on the cheek. “You can come by whenever you want.”  
“Thank you…” Álvaro replied quietly. “Bye Isco.”  
“Bye Álvi…” They didn’t hug. Even if Isco felt the urge to hug him and not let him go.

Isco’s father closed the door as them both were out.

“Álvaro is such an adorable boy… never thought that those both could be related.”

“They’re not…” Isco said. Isco’s mother looked at him confused. “He’s his stepfather.”

“Ah… makes sense.”

Isco was still staring at the door. What was he expecting? “Come on sweetheart you should ea-“Loud voices from outside made her stop talking. Isco practically ran to the door to open.

Mr. Morata had shown up and had pushed Alvaro’s stepfather in one of the bushes. Both of them were looking rather upset – yet Isco could only focus on Álvaro who was on the ground, looking like he’d be in pain. What the hell had happen?

Isco ran over to him. Álvaro looked at him with big eyes. Isco’s parents followed behind them.

“What’s going on?” Isco’s father asked.

“What’s going on?! He made Álvaro fall!”

“He stumbled!”

“He didn’t stumble!”

“Alfonso…” Isco’s father pulled him back as he wanted to push Álvaro’s stepfather again.

He tried to free himself again. “Let me go! I won’t let him touch my son ever again!”

Isco’s parents looked so stunned.

“Álvaro…” Isco’s mother kneeled down next to Isco and Álvaro. “Do you want to come inside? I can take care your hands.”

Álvaro had injured his hands probably as he had fallen – Isco thought. He helped him up. “Álvaro…” Isco and Álvaro looked over to his stepfather.

“Tell them that you stumbled!” The anger in his voice was hearable.

“Álvaro you don’t need to lie.” Álvaro’s father said.

Álvaro looked close to tears. “I just… I … I… stumbled…”

While his stepfather smiled contend, Álvaro’s biological father sighed softly. Isco looked at Álvaro – noticed how he took a step back as his stepfather made one forward.

He wasn’t the only one noticing.

“I guess nothing is against it if Álvaro stays here for a while. Maybe he stumbled because he’s hungry.” Isco’s mother said.

“I’ll bring him home right away there he can eat.”  
“It’s fine. Lunch is already ready here.” Isco’s mother pulled Álvaro inside. Isco followed slowly.

Álvaro’s stepfather looked angrily after them. “You should go Javier.” Isco stopped at the doorstep while his mother brought Álvaro to the bathroom – where she’d take care of the little bruises.

“You’ll regret this Morata.”  
“No… you will.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“No… it’s a promise.”

Álvaro’ stepfather snorted. He looked over to Isco’s father. “You don’t even have to show up tomorrow.”  
“No problem.”

Wait what?

Isco waited there – his father and Mr. Morata came over to him. Both of them smiled at him softly. “Dad what did he man with you don’t have to show up tomorrow?”  
“Don’t worry…” His father ruffled his hair. They entered the house. His father and Mr. Morata went to the living room – Isco followed. He wanted to know what was going on.

“Isco… do me the favour and look after Álvaro yes?” Mr. Morata asked him.

“You should eat anyway… “His father sent him out of the living room. Out of the corner of his eye he could see how those both went over to his father’s office.

Okay

Isco definitely wasn’t allowed to hear what was going on.

He went to the kitchen as told and found his mother placing a plate in front of Álvaro. Isco smiled as he saw that his mother had made spaghetti.

He took a plate and sat down next to Álvaro, who seemed rather absent.  
After his mother left, Isco put the fork away and turned around to look at Álvaro.

“Álvaro…” The other boy turned around to look at him. His eyes were lightly puffy and red. Isco hadn’t seen him cry yet but maybe he had as he had been with his mother alone. Isco took Álvaro’s hand in his. “He won’t hurt you anymore.”

Isco didn’t ask. The way Álvaro had reacted as he had heard that his stepfather was here and the way he had said that he would’ve stumbled… little things… his voice… his eyes… Álvaro was afraid of his stepfather. “What if he hurts my mum?” Álvaro said quietly.

“He won’t.”

Álvaro looked at Isco. “Before I knew that… he wasn’t my father… I always thought that… he would like me when I’d stop making mistakes as he always said… I didn’t get it that … he never really wanted me… he never really accepted me… I always remembered him that… my mother had been with another… “Álvaro breathed out. “I thought that when I come home with good grades… when I become the main striker… he’d be proud… but he never was… and as he found out … about us… “

“He hurt you because of us? How…”

“Someone showed him a picture of us kissing.”

“Someone…” Isco said, pressing his lips lightly on each other. “Maria…” It would make sense. After all she had looked at him quite angrily – like she knew something… trouble… she had gotten Álvaro into trouble.

What a selfish bitch.

“I just… “Isco could see that Álvaro was trying to hold his tears back. “I didn’t know what to do… and with my … biological father showing up… I just… he left me… realizing that I could’ve had another life… “Álvaro stopped. “I’m sorry.” He suddenly said. Making Isco frown.  
“You don’t have to be sorry…”

“You have your own problems and now I am burdening you with mine… I should go…”

“No…” Isco kept him from standing up. “First eat… and secondly… you’re not burdening me… Álvaro… I love you. I want to be there for you.”

“I am a wreck… “

“I’m a wreck as well Álvi…”

Álvaro looked at him. It confused Isco.

“I love you, Isc.”


	22. Seventeenth Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is more like a filling chapter i think

After they had eaten, Álvaro and Isco had went to Isco’s room and had made it themselves comfortable on his bed. They hadn’t really talked – just hold each other close. Isco’s mum had shown up later and told that Álvaro’s mother would be here. Together they had went downstairs and she had pulled her son into a hug – with tears in her eyes.

She knew what had happen – Isco thought.

He did notice that his father and Álvaro’s father, both were gone. He wondered where they had gone to…

Isco hugged Álvaro tightly. “We’ll see us tomorrow…” He hadn’t been able to let him go easily but Álvaro had to go home eventually.

Isco woke up on Monday morning and didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t hear anything from Álvaro since he left yesterday. His father had come home late and just said that Isco didn’t need to worry about anything.

Isco stood up and got ready for school. He ate breakfast and left the house. Iker was already waiting for him. Together they walked to school.

Isco couldn’t help but smile as he saw Cris with Fabio. They seemed to have spent the weekend together. He turned around to open his locker and searched for the book he needed for the first lesson. As two arms wrapped around him from behind he winced lightly. “Hey…” Isco turned around and smiled. He wrapped his arms around him too. “Hey Alvi…” The other boy was looking happy. It made Isco happy as well.

Yet he was surprised as he leaned down and kissed him softly. Isco closed his eyes and returned the kiss. He was surprised that Álvaro kissed him, right there, right in the hallway where anyone could see them. Isco didn’t care but he thought Álvaro did. He liked lightly over his bottom lip as the other boy pulled away.

“I’d love to go out tonight with you Isco.” Isco smiled.

“I’d love that.” Álvaro was looking happier today. Isco wondered what had happen last night. How his mother had reacted … but he wouldn’t ask him now… not when everyone around them was trying to find out what was going on. “My day ends with practice … afterwards we could go to cinema together?” Álvaro suggested. Isco nodded.

“Sounds good.”  
“Oh, we got a new dream couple over here!” Cris teased loudly as he came over.

“Says the one who’s making love eyes to Fabio.” Álvaro returned while Isco blushed. Way too many people were looking at them. Isco couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable… he wasn’t used to get so much attention.

“What can I say…? “Cris looked over to Fabio, who was rolling his eyes. “He’s perfect.”

“Isco’s perfect as well.” Álvaro said looking back to Isco. Isco couldn’t help but blush even more because of the way Álvaro was looking at him – like he’d be the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

Everyone around them was talking and laughing and… suddenly… it got quiet. Isco was still holding Álvaro in his arms. He could see that it was Maria that passed by with her friends. He caught Vito’s gaze. She smiled lightly at him but looked away. “Álvi…” Isco started but didn’t really come to ask because he got kissed again. “We talk later okay…” Álvaro asked quietly and Isco nodded. Together they went to their first lesson.

Basically, all day they spend together. All lessons they had together, Álvaro sat next to him. But of course they were lessons they didn’t share… Isco could feel a few gazes on him all day. It made him feel uncomfortable. He hated that. He hated being in the focus of everyone but well… him and Álvaro… yes what? Were they a couple yet? They hadn’t really talked about it even if… Isco had to admit that it’d be great to be able to call Álvaro his boyfriend.

“Hey Isc.” He looked up as Paco sat down next to him.

“Hey…”

“So… you and the pretty popular boy huh.”

Isco blushed and lowered his gaze.

“I hope he treats you well…” Isco looked up. Paco was smiling at him softly.   
“He does…”

“Good.” Paco patted his shoulder and stood up.

Isco sighed softly and stood up as well, lesson was over and he wanted to look for a book in the library before he went to the football pitch to meet Álvaro there.

“Hi Isco.” Isco was just about to take a book out of the shelf – as Vito approached him.

“Hey…” What did she want?

“Listen, I just wanted to tell you that not everyone is happy about you and Álvaro… I don’t have to particularly say that Maria is the head of them… “

“What do you mean?” Isco was so confused.

“Just be careful…” She added and left.

What the hell?!

Isco took the book and shook his head. Why were they acting like him and Álvaro would’ve committed a crime.

He leaned the book out, he’d bring it back tomorrow and left the library.

Even in there people stared at him – just because of one kiss?! Two kisses but hello? They were all acting weird.

He made himself on the way to the football pitch. The closer he came, the more uncomfortable he felt. Last time he had come here as Álvaro had asked him to… it hadn’t really end well. Okay, this time it was different – after all Álvaro had kissed him in front of everyone.

He got slower as he came closer and stopped a few steps away from the pitch – a few steps away from the other people that were there to watch the team.

As Álvaro saw him, he smiled brightly at him. Isco smiled back.

It took a few minutes until the coach ended practice. Álvaro came right over to him. “I won’t take long, promise.” He kissed Isco shortly and ran inside to go to the locker room. Isco looked after him and bit his bottom lip.

“Isco…” The coach.

“Coach…” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him.

“I know you told me you don’t play anymore but… I just wanted to tell you… if you change your mind… I would be happy to welcome you in the team.” He didn’t wait for a reply just walked away. Isco looked after him before he looked over to the pitch.

No

He just couldn’t. Playing only remembered him on that day. That day had changed his life completely.

Isco turned around and walked inside. He’d wait in front of the door of Álvaro. He sat down on a bench close to the door and waited. A few other students, players, walked past him.

They didn’t seem to really notice him.

“As if Álvaro would be gay…”

“He’s probably just doing it to piss of his father…”

“Bet on that…”

Isco couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

Ignorant

He took his phone out to message his mother. She’d be worried if he didn’t come home after school. He had to inform her that he’d go out with Álvaro.

He stood up as the door opened and Álvaro came out. “Hey…” Isco’s heart skipped a beat as Álvaro smiled at him.

“Let’s go.” Álvaro took his hand in his and they left together.

Isco couldn’t help it. He was excited. It was their first date after all…


	23. Eighteenth Chapter

"Stop...." Isco couldn't help but chuckle. "Álvi..." His protest got swallowed by Álvaro, who pressed his lips onto his. Isco melted into the kiss.

It wasn't exactly what Isco had wanted to reach, but at least it kept Álvaro from teasing him with kisses on his neck.

They were sitting in the last row. Isco had really wanted to watch the movie but soon he had understood that Álvaro had other things in mind - like kissing Isco all the time and keeping him from watching the movie. As Isco had pushed his face away, he had buried his face in the crook of Isco's neck... and started kissing him there.

Isco was absolutely sure that Álvaro had left a hickey there - it had made Isco groan slightly as he had done it - a few people before them had thrown weird gazes over to him. Isco had blushed deeply. That's why Isco told him to stop, but Álvaro wasn't really listening. Isco placed his own hand in front of his mouth to keep Álvaro from kissing him further.

Álvaro whined in protest.

"Why did you bring me to the cinema when all you want to do is kissing me?" Isco asked. He was aware of the fact that his face was flushed - Álvaro didn't look much different. Álvaro shrugged. "I don't know... I thought we should have a proper date..."

"A proper date...? Kissing in the cinema is your imagination of a proper date?" Isco asked amused.

"Well, it's not a bad date."

"Pssssssht!" Isco rolled his eyes at that. Like him and Álvaro would be that loud. Those few people in here were ridiculous.

"Maybe should go somewhere where we can talk in private." Isco suggested. "I want to know what happened yesterday after you went home..."

Álvaro sighed softly. "You won't let go of it, or?" Isco just looked at him. "Fine... let's go." Álvaro grabbed his hand and pulled him up. Together they left the cinema.

Outside they started walking along the street. Álvaro had let go of his hand and shoved his hands in his pockets. Isco felt like he did something wrong because it got quiet between them. Slowly they walked next to each other without anyone of them saying something. "Álvi..." The other boy looked at him questioningly. Isco sighed softly. "If you don't want to tell me... it's fine I guess."

"That's not it, Isco..." Álvaro replied and stopped walking. Isco stopped next to him. "I just... don't know how to start."

Isco wrapped his arms around him - snuggled up to him - it made Álvaro smile. He wrapped his arms around Isco as well. "Did you tell your mother?" Isco asked quietly and Álvaro nodded.

"I told her that... her husband threatened me with ... firing your father if I don't keep distance ... and..." Álvaro breathed out softly. "...that he had a few... painful arguments..." Isco breathed a soft kiss on his cheek. "You should've seen her face... I guess she wouldn't have believed me when I wouldn't have had those...  bruises... "

"She's your mother... of course she would've believed you." Isco replied surprised. Álvaro shook his head lightly. "I told her that the man she's married to abuses her child... until yesterday she always thought she knows him..."

"Being married to someone doesn't mean you know the person..." Isco said quietly.

"Isn't that sad?" Álvaro said. "I mean... you think you know a person yet... the person ends up surprising you ... " He grimaced. "Surprises are shit."

"I agree but... it doesn't mean it can't be different..." Isco didn't speak out that he meant them. Álvaro smiled lightly at him. "I am genuinely happy to have you in my life, Isco."  
Isco smiled happily. "Me too"  
Álvaro kissed him shortly. "Want to hear the rest?"  
"Of course... if you want to tell me..." Isco bit lightly his bottom lip.

"I told her that during the ride home... as we entered the house my stepfather came towards me but my mother stepped in the way... she told him to leave... they had a dispute." Álvaro pressed his lips shortly on each other. "I already thought he's about to hit her... as ... your father and ... mine showed up." Isco could tell that it was still difficult for Álvaro to accept that Mr. Morata was his biological father. "Your father led me to the kitchen... I shouldn't get in between he said... I asked him if he isn't worried at all because of... losing his job... he said no. He'd get his job back." "My father has always been a positive person... I am quite the opposite..." Isco said thoughtful.

"I was glad... that he was there... else I wouldn't have been able to endure that dispute without involving myself somehow..."

"So your stepfather left eventually I guess?"

Álvaro nodded. "Yes... gladly... he said something like it wouldn't be over yet but... "Álvaro breathed out deeply."My mother knows now... it feels like I got rid of a burden."

"I can imagine that." Isco said smiling softly at him.

"I know it won't be easy for us Isco... I heard a few whispering today ... not everyone believes that my intentions with you are real or yours with mine... some even think you'd be with me to make Cris jealous...." Álvaro rolled his eyes. Isco raised an eyebrow.

"I went out with him once... why are they making such a big deal out of it?"

"Cause they love making big deals out of small things... ever heard of making mountains out of molehills? That's what they're doing... well; guess Maria is pushing them to it."

"Can't she just give up already?" Isco groaned frustrated. "It's all her fault that your father abused you... because she had to tell him about us... speaking of... can I see the picture? Or don't you have it?"

Álvaro smiled. "I have it... "They let go of each other so Álvaro could take his phone out. Isco watched him looking through his phone - his eyes light up as he found what he was searching. He gave Isco his phone and smiled. Isco looked at it. He couldn't help but smile. After that they it had gotten awkward between them because Isco didn't know that someone had caught them kissing - had showed it to Álvaro's stepfather.

"Quite the snapshot" Isco said grinning, looking up. Álvaro was looking rather confused behind him. Isco turned around to look at what was catching his attention. He frowned confused as he saw the car approaching - rather fast. Wait... he was coming straight towards them. Was that? No...

Isco turned around to look at Álvaro, who seemed to get it before he did - he got pushed aside away just in time.

Yet Álvaro got hit by the car.

The car drove away - Isco didn't care that much yet. Álvaro hadn't been able to get out of the way. Everything went by so fast.

"Álvi..." So much blood

Isco didn't even notice that he had started crying - first as his vision blurred.

Oh god, oh god, no, he couldn't loose him. Not him as well.

"Is...c...o..." Álvi barely brought out. "I - ...a...m...soorrr-" He closed his eyes.

"Álvi! Alvi no... stay with me! Please!" He shook him yet Álvi's eyes stayed close. "Please _... please no...."No he couldn't be dead no... he couldn't die..._

 

Isco woke up crying. The light got switched on and his mother was by his side. "Isco sweetheart it was just a dream." Had he scream in his dream?

Isco buried his face in his mother's chest and cried. He was shaking. "It felt so real..." He mumbled into her chest. "But it wasn't... you're fine..." She started stroking softly over his back - tried to calm him down.

"Álvi he... "Isco sobbed.

"Álvi is fine sweetheart... did you take your pills?"

Isco shook his head. "I was tired I didn't think I'd need them..." His mother sighed softly. "I haven't taken them for a while..." He admitted. Isco used to take sleeping pills - sleeping pills who suppressed dreams and nightmares... nightmares like that...

"Oh Isco..." His mother wiped his tears away. "You had an exhausting day... lots of things happened yesterday ..." She stroked softly over his cheeks.

"I had an amazing date with him ... I thought when I dream then I would dream something... nice... and it was nice... at the beginning..."

"I know ..." She breathed a kiss on his forehead. "Don't rush yourself baby okay? You'll be fine... you'll have nice dreams again... just not ... yet..." Isco lowered his gaze at that. "You should try to sleep a bit. It's not time to wake up yet." He lied back down and his mother put the blanket over him. She gave him one last kiss on the forehead and left his room.

Isco sighed softly - he knew, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Not after that dream.


	24. Nineteenth Chapter

Isco didn't really know why he didn't take Vito's words more serious. Maybe because he thought that no one would really do something... yet ... always when he ended up being alone - meaning without Álvaro or Cris or Iker or Paco... he ended up being bullied. Not just mocked but bullied. He felt set back in time.

There had been a time he had almost been used to being bullied, until José had stopped them from it. José, his 'hero' as Isco often had teased him. But now...? Now José wasn't there anymore and even if he tried to act like he didn't care... it hurt.

It wasn't the things they said or the shoves he got, it was the fact that he felt set back in time. It was José's death that appeared over and over again in front of his eyes and...way to often he felt like suffocating.

Why couldn't they just all leave him in peace? Why did everyone have to involve themselves into his and Álvaro's relationship?

It was none of their business.

Okay, maybe he was overreacting a bit because of that nightmare he had last night. He barely had been able to sleep afterwards and now felt like he hadn't sleep at all.

He winced, as two arms wrapped around him from behind. He had been standing at his locker, lost in thoughts. Slowly he turned around to see a happy smiling Álvaro - yet that happy smile dimmed while looking at him. "What's wrong?"

“I just….”  
“Álvarito…” Isco groaned frustrated as he heard Jesé. Why could they not let them alone?! “Come on, practice starts soon.”   
“We talk later, okay?” Álvaro asked, Isco just nodded. He frowned confused as Álvaro didn’t let go of him. His arms were still wrapped around Isco. “I can skip practice if you want.”

Isco shivered lightly and looked into his eyes. He was looking at him worried. Isco smiled softly. Álvaro was too cute. “The coach wouldn’t be happy ab-“

Álvaro kissed him, interrupting him. Isco closed his eyes and melted into the kiss. “I just want you to be fine…” Álvaro said, as he pulled lightly away. He made it difficult for Isco to think clearly, because he was stroking over Isco’s lips with his own. “I am … fine…”

“Okay… see you later then?” Álvaro waited for his reply, before he kissed him again and let go of him afterwards. Isco watched him leave, sighing deeply.

He shouldn’t burden him with it.

He turned around, took the books he needed out and closed his locker. Just as he turned around, someone bumped into him - on purpose. Isco got surprised by it and let his books fall on the ground. Laughter. He sighed frustrated and kneeled down to pick them up. Surprised he looked up as someone kneeled down as well and helped him.

“Here…” He got handed over some of his books as they both stood up.

“Thank you Toni.” Isco smiled shyly.

“You’re welcome. Don’t let them bother you too much, Isco.”

“Easier said than done…”

“I know.” Toni looked at him sadly. “I went through the same as I got together with James.” Isco frowned surprised. “So they are acting like that towards me because…?”

“…because you’re gay… they can’t act towards Álvaro like that… like they didn’t act like that towards James. They love their football team and their players… they just have issues with accepting changes.” Toni rolled his eyes.

“Aren’t you in the team?” Isco asked confused.

“Now, yes. As I and James got together I wasn’t.” Toni explained. “I just had transferred here from Germany and James was the one who helped me.” Toni smiled dreamy.

Isco smiled lightly – it was cute. Toni was deeply in love with James – you could see that. “So eventually they will accept it?” Isco asked quietly after a while.

“I think so, yes. “ Toni nodded.

Isco lowered his gaze thoughtful – as he remembered something and looked up again. “Don’t you have practice now?” Álvaro just left because he had practice… but Toni was in the team as well and he was still here.

“Practice?” Toni frowned confused. “No… today we don’t have practice… why do you ask?”

Isco got a weird feeling… “I just wondered… I thought I saw some of the team going towards the football pitch…”

“Maybe they practice for themselves…” Toni shrugged.

“Maybe…” Isco said quietly.

“Toni, here you are!” James came towards them. They kissed shortly. “Hey Isco.”

“Hey James.” Isco looked at them both. Toni wrapped his arms around James.

“How’s your leg James?”

“Way better.” James replied and looked at Isco. “Did you guys have lunch already? I feel like starving.”

Toni chuckled. “No… I was just about to go to the cafeteria.” Toni looked over to Isco. “Do you want to join us?”

Isco looked at them both, smiling lightly. He felt already out of place. He didn’t want to be the third wheel. “I ate already.” The lie slipped out easily out of his mouth. “I just have to bring those books back to the library… See you around.” Isco turned around and walked away – he tried not to think too much into the whole thing. Álvaro would have his reasons why he told him, he’d go to practice, right?

He brought the books back to the library – left right afterwards and went home.

He didn’t care that he still had a few lessons in front of him. He wasn’t able to stay any longer in school. Not when everyone was looking at him – pushing him around – bullying him – mocking him – his … boyfriend? No, he couldn’t even stay that. Álvaro was lying to him?

He felt depressed.

José never had any secrets … - wait… he did. He did have a secret. A secret that killed him at the end.

Isco breathed in deeply while he walked along the streets. He felt worse as before José death day.

José’s birthday was coming closer – birthday… Isco shivered.

They hadn’t even been able to celebrate his birthday together anymore because he had died weeks before.

Yet Isco remembered the other years before.

The years they had spent together celebrating José’s birthday.

Little did Isco know, that José’s birthday had been … was … on the same day as Álvaro’s.


	25. ♣

_*Flashback*_

"Stop doing that."

Isco frowned confused.

"Stop doing what?" He asked, looking at his best friend, who was rolling his eyes at him now.

"You know exactly what I mean Francisco." Isco grimaced.

"Don't call me that." Isco wasn't really a fan of his full name - José knew that very well. He just used it when he was unhappy with Isco or angry. Things Isco hated. He didn't like arguing with his best friend.

"Don't make me!" José replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"What did I do, huh?" Isco asked raising his eyebrows. He really didn't get it what José meant. He just had been putting on his football cleats.

After all, the match was about to start.

"You're mad at me because I wasn't there the last days. I was ill, Isco."

"I'm not because of that..." Isco replied.

"Why then?" José asked frowning confused now.

"I am not mad... I am just disappointed that I had to find out through Mr. Morata that you won't come to class because you caught a cold." Isco couldn't help but sound offended. José sighed softly and sat down next to him - Pulling his best friend into a hug. "I was to tired Isco disco." José poked him. "I would've messaged you. I did message you ... later the day." He remembered.

"I know... I just ... everyone asked me where you are and I didn't know. It was weird."

"I'm sorry..."

"I mean... I always know where you are... like you know it always where I am... they know we spend most of the time together..." Isco sighed and stopped, as he saw that his best friend was looking at him sadly - he could see that José felt guilty.

"I'll make it up to you okay? I promise."

"No need to. Just tell me next time, okay?"

"I will."

Isco smiled and stood up.

"Now let's win this and show them who the best in the region is." José smiled brightly and stood up - they walked onto field together. Shortly Isco looked worried at him, as José coughed.

"You sure you're fit for the game?" He asked.

"Would I be here if not?" José asked back. Isco shrugged -getting rolling eyes from José. José ruffled his hair. "Don't worry Isco disco. Let's win this as you said. I got the feeling you'll score today."

"We'll see." Isco said, as they arrived onto pitch. Isco did shake off the uncomfortable feeling - everything was fine. Nothing to worry about

The match went on quite well for his team. They scored an early goal. Yet before the first half ended, the other team equalized.

In the locker room the coach held a short speech - just told them, they would know what they had to do.

José's coughing caught Isco's attention again. "Are you okay?" He asked worried.

"I' fine Isc. Stop asking me that everytime I cough."

"I'm just worried."

"Don't be. I'm fine." José poked him in his cheek. Isco smiled lightly. "Are you in kicking some asses in the second half huh?" José asked teasingly.

Isco rolled his eyes. "Just don't get a red card okay? You know I need you on the pitch."  
"I know I know."

Together they went back, to get ready for the second half.

The match went by slowly - not many chances to score a goal. It seemed like the other team was totally fine with a draw.

The game was about to end. Isco threw a frustrated look over to José, who winked at him.

Just a couple minutes later, José made it to take away the ball from one of the opposite and kick the ball right into Isco's feet. All Isco needed to do was turn around and kick the ball - surprisingly for Isco himself, the ball ended in the back of the net.

His teammates jumped on top of him - making him almost stumble to the ground. The referee told them to get back to the game.

After all they were still 15 minutes to play - lots of time for the others to score. Isco turned around to see where José was. Frowning he ran over - he didn't care that they should continue the game. The referee himself had kneeled down next to his best friend.

The moment Isco got told what happened, he felt almost numb.

José was dead?

No... That couldn't be.

It had to be a mistake.

How could he just die? Just like that? That wasn't possible.

His teammates started crying around him.

Isco sank down on the ground next to his best friend's pale looking body. He grabbed José's hand. "Wake up... "Isco mumbled quietly. Tears started to blurry his vision.

"Isco ... come with me..." Two arms wrapped around him from behind, tried to get him away.

"NO!" Isco shouted. "He needs me..."  
"Isco you can't help him... come with me..." Isco first let go of José, as the ambulance showed up. He got led away and minutes later he found himself in the arms of his mother, who was stroking softly over his back.

"He can't be dead mum..." Isco said sobbing.

It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. Minutes ago José had winked at him cheekily and now he was supposed to be dead?! He realized that a few people talked to him. Said something to him yet he couldn't really pay attention. He just stayed in the arm of his mother. Holding onto her calmed him down

As people started leaving, he got pulled to the locker room by his father. Isco felt exhausted. Physically and emotionally

Yet his father helped him to undress and shoved him towards the shower.

Absently Isco took a shower.

He felt like he was caught in a nightmare.

Maybe it was just a dream... an awful dream... maybe he'd wake up and he'd see José - smiling happily at him.

Yet, as he woke up the next morning, still with that depressing feeling, he realized...

It hadn't been a dream.

His best friend was dead.

As the funeral came, he still didn't feel any better. He felt worse if that was even possible. Different feelings were going through him. Grief, anger, guilt... and pain... too many feelings for him to endure

He felt so much at the same time and yet as he stood in front of the grave, in front of his grave for the first time, he felt numb.

Like someone had switched off all feelings

The days after the funeral, Isco understood that... realizing a fact was something else than accepting it. He got it that José was dead. He wouldn't come back.

He would never be able to talk to him again.

Yet he couldn't accept it.

Way to often he grabbed his phone and called his best friend. He needed to hear his voice.

In school everyone was treating him like he'd be fragile.

Sometimes he wondered how he must look like for others - yet he never brought himself to really care about it.

None of them knew none of them had any idea how it was for Isco.

None of them had lost their best friend.

Isco had.

Isco had troubles to get out of that grief that had taken over his life. It was so much easier to lock out all those feelings - feeling numb was way more comfortable.

The days went by. Weeks went by.

Isco didn't feel better. He didn't feel like he had to change anything. His best friend died. Could those people not just all leave him in peace? He didn't feel like doing anything. Why should he learn things about some war that had happen years ago ... when his life could be over tomorrow?

As the day of José's birthday came - he went to José's grave.

All day he spent there - starring at the stone.

It wasn't fair.

Why him?

He didn't really realize how the time went by.

That it had gotten quite late, he first realized as his father showed up on the cemetery - worried.

He brought Isco home.

More time went by.

Nothing changed much.

Isco still felt so numb. He barely slept - barely ate - barely did anything. His grades got worse - that's why his parents decided to leave town.

Isco couldn't spend his life on José's grave.

For the first time since the day José had died, Isco was furious. How could they even think of tearing Isco away from here?!

His parents left, they had an appointment, - told him to pack his stuff. Yet Isco ended up lying on his bed - sleeping pills in his hands.

He just wanted to sleep.

Maybe if he took a pill, he wouldn't have any nightmares?

He took one.

Maybe one was to less?

He took another one.

He got distracted as his phone vibrated. Message from his parents - of course they were worried. It was the first time they had let him home alone.

Isco shook his head lightly and frowned.

Had he taken a pill yet?

He was still awake so possibly he hadn't.

Maybe they weren't that strong. Maybe he had to take more than just one or two.

So he took a few.

It didn't take long after that, as he felt the sleep taking over.

Finally, he thought. Finally he could sleep.

As he opened his eyes the next time, he found himself in the hospital.

What had happen?

He saw his mother, crying into his father's chest. Why was she crying? The doctor talked to him.

He told him, that they had pumped out his stomach - that's why he probably would feel empty.

Why would they do that? He got something to eat - yet he didn't eat it.

It looked disgusting.

A psychotherapist showed up next to his bed. His parents right behind him.

Suicide?

No, he hadn't...

Three adults around him yet none of them really listened to him.

He hadn't wanted to kill himself... or?

All he had wanted was to sleep.

After he had been able to leave the hospital, he had to go and see the therapist every day.

\- Every day until they finally moved away.

A change would certainly help.

Did it help?

Isco hadn't been sure.

Maybe a bit

It definitely had been Iker, who had forced him to talk more.

New school, new people...

That he'd fall in love with someone he had expected at last.

Yet he had.

Álvaro was just... engaging.

_*now*_

But with José's birthday coming closer... Isco felt more like hiding himself... he didn't want all this attention.

Why did everyone want to involve themselves in their relationship?

Of course it was great that everyone knew about them now -yet Isco couldn't help but wish the time back, where no one had known.

The times back, where he and Álvaro had made out in the storeroom or in the back of the library, between book shelves.

The less people had known about them, the less had been able to ruin it.


	26. Twentieth Chapter

A knock on his door, made Isco open his eyes slowly. Had he fallen asleep? It seemed like it. As he had arrived home, his parents hadn't been there. No surprise, both of them had went to work. At least Isco thought that. He had no idea how his father had gotten his job back - or if he had even got his job back.

All that mattered that he was home alone. He had climbed into his bed and covered himself with his blanket. He had felt so tired - no wonder he had barely slept last night.

He turned his head around to look over to the door, as it got open slowly. Álvaro peeked in. "Isco..." Isco felt terribly guilty as he saw Álvaro's worried face.

"Hey..." He mumbled quietly - cleared his throat cause his voice sounded raspy. Álvaro smiled softly and entered his room. He closed the door behind himself and came over to Isco's bad - looking rather unsure. It made Isco frown. "What's wrong?" Isco asked, while he sat up. Álvaro raised his eyebrows surprised at that and sat down next to him. "What's wrong? You ask me that?" Isco shrugged at Álvaro's reply. The other boy sighed softly and pulled Isco close - hugging him tightly. Isco wrapped his arms around Álvaro as well, burying his face in the crook of his neck. He breathed in deeply and wondered how a person could smell so good?

"I got worried as I couldn't find you..." Álvaro mumbled into his ear. "And no one knew who you are..."

"I'm sorry... I just... left." Isco replied quietly. Álvaro's grip around him tightened a bit.

"Don't do that ever again..." Isco snuggled up to him - breathing a soft kiss on his neck, making Álvaro shiver lightly. "I just needed a break..." He said eventually.

"Why?" Álvaro asked and lifted his head up to look into his eyes. "What happened?"

Isco hesitated. He didn't want to lie to Álvaro but telling him would make Álvaro feel guilty at the end and he didn't want that. He tried to avoid looking into his eyes.

"I got bullied all morning and... I couldn't endure it longer..."

Álvaro looked at him shocked. "Who...? Who bullied you?" He held Isco's face, so the other boy had to look into his eyes. "I don't know their names I just... couldn't take it any longer and... the thought that you lied to me..."

"Lied to you? When did I lie to you?" Álvaro asked confused now. Isco tried to pull away from Álvaro but the other boy hold him close. Isco sighed softly

"Cause you told me you have practice but I met Toni and he said you guys wouldn't have practice."

Álvaro breathed out. "God Isco... "Isco was confused as Álvaro pressed his lips onto his and kissed him softly. He just told him that, he thought he lied to him and he? He kisses him? Isco didn't return the kiss - it made Álvaro sigh frustrated. "I didn't lie to you, okay? I had practice. Just not with the whole team. Just us strikers were practicing. If you would've come to the pitch you would've seen us."

Isco blushed and felt stupid. "Why just the strikers...?" He asked instead, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Because Coach Luis thought we should practice penalty shots." Well, that definitely sounded after Coach Luis.

"I'm sorry... "Isco said and lowered his gaze.

"Don't be... it's understandable that you thought the wrong thing I should've told you..."

A tiny smile appeared on Isco's lips. He framed Álvaro's face with his hands. "Stop being so goddamn perfect, I already feel not good enough for you..."

"Isco..." Álvaro breathed a kiss on his lips. "You are not good enough for me... you are perfect for me..." Álvaro looked at him enamoured. It made Isco's heart skip a beat.

Isco cuddled up to Álvaro and closed his eyes. He just enjoyed being in his arms. After a while he looked up to Álvaro, who was looking rather thoughtful.

"What are you thinking?" He asked quietly.

"I'm just trying to figure out who'd dare to ... bully you..."

Isco breathed out deeply. He shouldn't have mentioned it.

"Álvi..."  
"They've no right to hurt you."

“You’re so cute…”

“Isco…”

“Do you want to know what happened to José?” Isco didn’t know himself why he asked that. He could see that he surprised Álvaro with it.

“If you want to tell me … then yeah… I would like to know what happened…”

Isco buried his face in the crook of his neck again – breathed in his smell and sighed softly.

“We had an important football game…” Isco started. “José had been ill the days before but he came to practice earlier and so the coach decided to let him play…”

Isco could feel how Álvaro shivered lightly – like he understood already what had happen. Isco was glad Alvaro just listened and didn’t ask anything – else he’d probably wouldn’t be able to talk further. “The game went on quite well for us… we scored first… we got bit unlucky before the end of the first half… they scored so it was one one.” Isco sighed softly. “The coach wanted to sub José off but he said no. He said he wanted me to score first…” Now it was Isco who shivered. Álvaro hugged him tightly – stroked softly over his back. “And he kept it you know… he actually made me score… I got lost in the moment… celebrated with my team mates… I didn’t…” Tears started running down Isco’s cheeks. “Isco you don’t have to feel bad because of it…” Álvaro lifted his head up and wiped the tears away. “As I turned around to look for him… to celebrate with him… I saw him lying on the ground Álvi… he just… he died… right after he kicked the ball over to me and I? I …”

“Isco… Isco….” Isco was sobbing now. Álvaro pulled him close, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “You couldn’t know…You couldn’t know that he’d …”

“Still… I should’ve told him to stop playing… to listen to the coach instead of insisting of playing… he would’ve listen to me but I… I was selfish… I wanted him on the pitch because I only could play when he was on the pitch as well…”

“Oh Isco… “Isco buried his face in his chest. “It wasn’t your fault…”   
“It felt like it…”

Álvaro pushed him back onto the bed, and placed himself next to him. Both of them were lying now on Isco’s bed and Álvaro pulled Isco back close to him. Wrapping his arms around him tightly. “It wasn’t. You should stop punishing yourself because of it…”

“I’m not…”

“You are. If you wouldn’t… you would be still playing… I didn’t know you back then but I am sure you loved it… you loved it being on the pitch… I can only speak for myself but… being on the pitch is always an amazing feeling… and I do… I do understand that you can’t bring yourself to play again because of what you experienced but… stop feeling bad because of something that wasn’t your fault.”

Isco couldn’t stop crying. Álvaro’s shirt was wet by now. “I just… I just…”

“I understand.” And Isco believed him. Isco really could tell that Álvaro did understand him.

Álvaro stroked over his back, softly. They stayed like that – holding each other until Isco calmed down. “José was my anchor…” Isco mumbled quietly. “He was always there for me…”

“Let me be your anchor, Isco.” Isco looked up to him. “I know I can’t replace him and I won’t. Just let me be there for you. I’ll always be there for you.”

“Don’t… don’t promise something you can’t hold…”

“I love you, Isco. I promise you to be there for you as long as I am able to and you let me. Better?”

“I love you too…”

Álvaro leaned down to kiss him.


	27. Twenty First Chapter

“Isco?” Isco turned his head as he heard someone saying his name and frowned confused, as Jesé and Dani approached him.

Today he had come to school again after he had spent yesterday with Álvaro. Álvaro and he had cuddled all evening until Isco’s mother called them to come downstairs to eat dinner.

Álvaro had spent the night with Isco – Isco slept way better with him next to him. They woke up early in the morning and Álvaro left earlier to go to change.

They had met again in front of the school.

Now Alvaro was already in his class and Isco had one lesson off.

“Hey…” He said and turned around totally to be able to look at both of them.

“We wanted to ask you something…” Dani started.

“Yeah as you know might already know Álvaro’s birthday is coming closer…” Jesé interrupted him.

“We want to make a surprise party for him and we need your help for it.” Dani continued. Isco started to feel bad because… he had no idea that Álvaro’s birthday was coming up. José’s yes… but Álvaro’s? Alvaro’s friends were thinking he knew so … he couldn’t tell them he didn’t.

He felt selfish already he didn’t need them to think the same.

“You both are for sure going to spend Friday night with each other right? “ Dani asked. Isco shrugged lightly. “Probably… “He had no idea. Álvaro and he hadn’t talk about it yet. Yet he’d be happy to have Álvaro close that day.

 “Cause it’s his birthday and we thought of…”

Álvaro’s birthday was on Friday? This Friday? How ... why? How could it be that they shared a birthday? 

“Isco?” Jesé waved his hand in front of his face. He hadn’t realized that he got lost in thoughts. He blinked a few times. “Sorry…” He mumbled.

“You in?”

“What?” He asked confused.

“We want to make a surprise party for him… could you go to cinema with him or so? And afterwards you’d bring him home… and we take care that everyone’s going to be there… we talked to his mother and she’s okay with it…”

“Sure…”

“Great!”

Both of them left Isco standing there – who felt awful.

Álvaro’s birthday was on the same day as José’s?

“Isc…?” He looked up, meeting Cris’ worried gaze. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine…”  
“Sure? You look so pale suddenly?”

“I’m sure…” He faked a smile.

“Okay…” Cris smiled at him. “Ready for math?”

“Not really…”

“Come on… day will go over faster as you think.” Together they went to the classroom. Isco let himself led to it. Tried not to think too much about the fact that his dead best friend and his boyfriend, yes he’d say Álvaro was his boyfriend after yesterday, shared their birthday.

How was he supposed to be happy for Álvaro? Congratulate him when he’d rather hide himself in his own room all day?

He had wanted to skip classes on Friday but now? He couldn’t do that. Could he?

The moment he saw Álvaro again, in the hallway, he wrapped his arms around him. Alvaro smiled at him so happily, it made Isco’s heart flutter.

“Hey…” Álvaro kissed him softly.   
“Hey…” Isco smiled at him.

“Do you want me to come over tonight again?” Álvaro asked him. Isco nodded lightly.

“That’d be great…” Isco mumbled quietly.

“Then it’s settled…I’ll just go home first…” They kissed again. Isco could feel the gazes on him but he didn’t care. All day long one of the guys had been around him when Álvaro hadn’t been with him. Either Cris or Iker was always close.

Isco was aware that Álvaro had told them not to leave him alone. Normally he’d feel ashamed because of it but now? He was just glad. He didn’t want to feel like he felt yesterday again.

“We see us later then? I should check something in the library I didn’t really come to it yesterday…” Isco said. “Can I come with you? I miss making out with you between book shelves.” Álvaro grinned and pecked his lips. “That’s an irresistible offer but… if you come with me I won’t be able to find the book… you’re distracting you know…” Álvaro just kissed him again.

“I just want to be with you that’s all.”

“We see us later. You should go to your next lesson anyway…”

“For you I’d skip…” Álvaro said, placing a soft kiss on Isco’s neck.

“Álvi…”

“Get a room you two…” Isco wanted to turn his head to see who said it but Álvaro kept him from it – framing his head and leaned down to kiss him. “Don’t care about them. See you later.” Isco smiled at him and let go of Alvaro as he did. He made himself on the way to the library. Iker joined him on the way.


	28. Twenty Second Chapter

"He's so cute I mean... how can a person be so cute?" Isco smiled because of Cris' dreamy words. As school had ended, Álvaro had told him that he needed to go home first - his mother wrote him that she needed his help for something so it could bet that it'd take longer.

Cris had joined him on his way home - wanting to talk to Isco about Fabio - perfect Fabio as Cris said. "I'm sorry..." Confused Isco looked up from his phone as Cris said that.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked frowning.

"I am annoying you with my speech over Fabio while you can't wait for Álvaro to show up here..." Isco blushed lightly at that.

"First I am not annoyed and secondly.... I can wait..."  
"Of course that's why you're staring at your phone almost every second. Impatient much huh..." Cris teased him.

"I am not impatient I am just wondering what takes so long..." Isco slightly bit his bottom lip. "After that entire drama with his stepfather... I've no idea how his mother is coping with that... and Mr. Morata is keeping his distance as well... I'm just..."

"Didn't Álvaro tell you?" Cris asked confused.

"Tell me what?"

"That his mother wants to divorce."

Isco was surprised. "She what...?"

"Apparently she just married him to have a safe place for herself and for Álvaro but... as we both know... it wasn't really a safe place for him."

Isco lowered his gaze. Why did Álvaro not tell him about it? It was almost like Cris could read his mind. "I'm sure Álvaro would've told you when he'd come here. He told me today morning so it's quite new."

Isco just nodded lightly. Cris breathed out loudly. "Okay... you know what? Let's change the subject here... any ideas how you'll distract Álvaro on Friday?"

"I don't know... I ... "Isco grimaced.

"You what...?"

"I've no idea how I am going to get through that day and now I have to distract Álvaro because you guys are preparing a party for him ..."  
"Why wouldn't you get through that day?" Cris asked confused, but before Isco could reply, someone knocked at his door and Álvaro entered.

"Hey...Isco ... Cris..." Álvaro smiled softly and came over to him - kissing Isco shortly.

"Okay I will leave you two lovebirds alone..." Cris stood up, patted Álvaro's shoulder and walked towards the door. "See you guys tomorrow."

Álvaro placed himself next to Isco and pulled him close, hugging him tightly. "I've missed you..." He whispered quietly into his ear. "I've missed you too..." Isco replied, placing himself on top of Álvaro's lap. The other boy breathed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"I didn't think it'd take more than one hour..."

"What happened?" Isco asked - he was curious.

"It doesn't matter..."  
"Álvi..."  
"What?"

"Cris told me your mother wants to divorce...how can that not matter?" Isco asked, looking into his eyes. Álvaro seemed quite surprised. He really hadn't expected that question. "I just..." He started and sighed softly. "I don't want you to worry about it... you've got enough things to deal with..."

"Álvi..." Isco framed his face with his hands. "Just because I've got things to deal with it doesn't matter that I can't be there for you as well... like you are for me."

Álvaro smiled softly. "If you want to hear it okay... it's just when I am with you... I don't have to worry about it..."  
"Because you worry about me"  
"That's not it." Álvaro shook lightly his head. "Because when I am with you... all I can think about is you."

"You're so cute... "Isco kissed him shortly. Álvaro whined, as he pulled away. "You get more kisses afterwards." Álvaro pouted at that but Isco refused to kiss him again.

"Fine..." Álvaro breathed out almost frustrated. "I went home because I wanted to take something to change and tell my mum I'd be here ... my stepfather was there... as well as my mum and their lawyers... They told me I had to testify that my stepfather had abused me..." Isco just listened. He could see that it was difficult enough for Álvaro to talk about it. He didn't want to be annoying. "I was surprised because I wasn't thinking of ... report him... I just want to get rid of him... my mother told them that it'd be my decision if I'd want to do that... yet she wasn't divorcing because of that... my stepfather was convinced otherwise... I'd be lying... "Álvaro snorted."Of course I did the bruises to myself..."

"He's crazy..."

"My mother told him that she never loved him... that she chose him over ... my father because he was the one who could promise her a good future... "

Now Isco was definitely speechless. "You look exactly like me as she said that..."

"He wasn't there was he?" Isco asked quietly. Álvaro shook his head lightly.

"No... I haven't really talked to him since... he tries to talk to me but I can't... Isco... I just..."   
Isco wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Everyone is expecting from me to listen... to understand... no one cares about how I feel..."  
"That's not true Álvi... you know that they care... I care..."

"I know I should give him the chance to explain but... I'm not ready to listen..."

"I'm sure ... he understands that..." Isco stroked softly over his back. Álvaro framed Isco's face and pulled him close. He kissed him - longingly. Isco returned the kiss - how could he not? He closed his eyes and enjoyed it.

Kissing Álvaro always felt so incredible... it had never felt like this when he had kissed Paco. Isco shivered lightly as he felt Álvaro's hand under his shirt. "Álvi..." He mumbled between kisses.

"Isco..." Isco felt lightheaded. "What if he doesn't...?"

"What...?" Isco was so confused. How could he still be thinking about that while they were kissing like this... it really was bothering him. "Álvi... he does. I am sure..."  
"What if you're wrong? What if he doesn't understand and leaves again?" Isco understood how Álvaro felt. He understood that the other boy was afraid of letting his father close - in the fear he'd leave again. "He left me once... what tells me he wouldn't do it again? It's not like he could be proud of me or something ... I..."  
"He can be." Isco interrupted him. "And I am sure he is proud of you." Álvaro smiled lightly at that, yet he didn't really look convinced.

"I'm sorry... I mean we're making out and I ..."

"It's okay, Álvi... "Isco kissed him softly."I understand."

Finally Álvaro smiled genuinely. "I want to spend Friday evening with you, Isco. Just with you" And Isco wouldn't want it any different yet... Álvaro's friends had other plans.

"Maybe we could go out on Friday? Dinner somewhere...? Isco suggested. He still had no idea how he'd survive that day but with Álvaro on his side he'd manage it somehow.

"Dinner sounds lovely." Álvaro said and kissed him. They ended up making out again. Soon they got rid of their shirts.

Well, they were in the way.

They were both so trapped in the moment that they didn't hear the knock on the door. Isco almost jumped up as he heard his mother's voice behind him. "Mom...!" He shouted, while blushing. His face definitely was red from embarrassment.

"Sorry Sweetheart I just thought I bring you two cookies and something to drink." She showed him the tablet. Without much thinking Isco wanted to lift himself up from Álvaro's lap but the other boy didn't let him. Isco turned around to look at him confused -Álvaro had blushed as well and ... Isco understood.

After all he was sitting on Álvaro; he could feel what the kisses triggered in him.

"I just leave it on your desk." His mother said and he heard her moving. He looked over to her. "Thanks mom."

She smiled and gladly left the room - closing the door behind herself

"Your mother just walked somehow in on us just to bring us cookies..." Álvaro said, breaking the silence that had taken place after his mother left. "We really should meet on my place."

"We should... Friday maybe...?" Isco suggested.

"Sounds good" Álvaro smiled. "I just want to celebrate my birthday with you."

"You do know that your friends won't like hearing that..."

"I don't care...You're all I need to be happy."

His words made Isco happy. He loved the idea of spending Friday evening/night just with him yet... his friends had already made plans and Isco doubted... they'd cancel them.


	29. Twenty Third Chapter

Isco had been right.

Álvaro's friends didn't cancel the party, even as Álvaro asked them too. He knew about the party - because, as he told Isco, they did that every year.

Quite the surprise, Isco had thought.

Anyways ... Friday had come faster as expected and now? Now Isco was sitting on a chair in the kitchen alone. The music was quite loud but it didn't bother him that much. He had no idea where Álvaro went to, but he probably was talking to some of the guests.

They were loads of people in the house - most of them were hanging around in the living room. Álvaro's home was huge. The living room was twice the size of his at home. No wonder that all those people fit in there.   
Yet he felt uncomfortable there.

He just couldn't stay in there. Not that anyone would really notice him not being there. Sergio was on Iker all the time and Cris, well, he was with Fabio here.

No time for Isco.

Álvaro was the birthday kid so of course everyone wanted to talk to him. So he had not much time for Isco as well - Leaving way to much time for Isco ... to over think.

He wasn't feeling well, yet he tried to hide it. He didn't want to ruin it for Álvaro... but he thought about going home. Álvaro probably wouldn't notice... and even if, probably first when the party was over.

It hadn't been difficult for him to congratulate Álvaro this birthday. They had been alone in Isco's bed - Álvaro had stayed with him that night again - Isco had congratulated him on midnight. Being the first one to do so

But the day...? It had been awful going to school. Álvaro was basically surrounded by people all the time and Isco just felt uncomfortable when so many people were around him so he left Álvaro most of the time alone with them.

Isco had been happy as the school day had been over. Somehow he had managed to not think to much about José, thinking about José made him sad... and he couldn't be sad... not on the birthday of his boyfriend, right?  
But he felt sad - Really sad, while sitting alone in the kitchen. He was just drinking a coke.

He lifted himself up from the chair as suddenly came a few people in the kitchen - Too many people in one room for Isco so he left because he felt like suffocating. Some of them looked at him weirdly but he didn't care.

He walked upstairs - no one would be in Álvaro's room right? At least he hoped so.

He entered the room and closed the door behind himself. He breathed out relieved as he found the room empty. Slowly he walked over to the bed and sat down.

Dinner with Álvaro alone had been perfect.

They had gone to Álvaro's favourite restaurant before they had come here to be 'surprised' by the party.

Isco couldn't help but think... when José would be here, the party would be more fun - Way more fun.

But José wasn't.

José was dead.

Tears came into Isco's eyes and he blinked a few times to keep them back.

Surprised he looked over to the door as it opened. Jesé stood there and looked at Isco confused. "What are you doing up here?" He asked walking inside over to the table.

"Nothing..." Isco replied.

"You're such a weirdo... you might be cute but... still... I don't see why Álvaro dates you." Jesé said - stunning Isco a bit.

"Well, you're not him so..."

Jesé grinned mischievously. "Trust me... I'll make him understand that you're not the one for him. There are others who match better to him then you..."

"Like you...?" Isco was getting upset now. What the hell? He hadn't think Jesé didn't like him - not that he thought he'd like him but... this?

"No... I'm not gay... but it's none of your business. You'll find out soon enough about whom I am talking." He winked, grabbed the camera that was on the table and walked out.

Isco looked after him confused.

He sat there a few minutes, not being able to not think about what Jesé said. He sighed frustrated. "I could really need you now José..." He mumbled quietly to himself and stood up.

Maybe he could find Álvaro somewhere - to tell him that he'd leave ... because he was feeling ill.

A little lie doesn't hurt right?

Downstairs he looked into the living room, yet he couldn't spot Álvaro. Where was he? He could see Jesé making pictures of some of the others. Isco grimaced lightly and turned around.

"Isco, hey!"

Isco faked a smile and let Vito hug him. "Hey Vito."

"I already thought you're not here but I doubted you'd miss the party!" She stayed close, making Isco feel bit uncomfortable so he stepped back. He lifted his hand up and went through his hair, sheepish. "Have you seen Álvaro...?" He asked her.

"Uhm..."

"He's in the kitchen." Isco looked over to her. Maria. She went past him inside the livingroom. Why was she here?

"You excuse me..." He said to Vito and walked over to the kitchen.

"Having a bit fun tonight won't hurt anyone! He won't find out he probably is gone already or have you seen him lately?" Isco stopped in his tracks as he heard that. About whom was that guy talking?   
"I said no, Nacho."

Álvaro

The other guy had been talking about him.

"Fine... if you change your mind... you know where you can find me."

Isco could tell that they were close to the door, else he wouldn't have been able to hear them ... He breathed in deeply and made one step forward to be able to look inside - just to see what was going on inside there... maybe he was just understanding it wrong...

Yet he found Álvaro in a tight embrace of Nacho. They didn't seem to notice him. Isco wondered if he had missed something... Cris hadn't mentioned anything about Álvaro and Nacho...

Maybe because he didn't know, he thought. Maybe Álvaro didn't have that much trouble of finding someone to make out in secret.

He turned around.

He'd leave now.

"He didn't tell you..." Isco starred at Maria who was looking at him rather curious. "I did share him with Nacho now it's your turn I guess..." She said, turning around to leave - leaving Isco confused behind.

What?

He shook his head and walked to the door, it didn't take long for him to leave the house - stepping into the cold night. He breathed in deeply.

If someone would ask Isco now how he felt, he wouldn't really know how to describe it.

Hurt maybe?

A bit maybe

Disappointed?

Probably

But most likely he felt numb.

Like... they were too many feelings at the same time so his brain just decided to feel nothing at all.

It didn't have to be right, right?

He started walking. If it was right or not he didn't care right now he just wanted to go home. He was looking on the ground, not seeing that guy coming along his way who was looking down as well - down on his phone. They bumped into each other.

"Ouh... "

"I'm sorry..."  
"I am..." Isco looked up. He had been the one ending on the ground. The rest of the words didn't come out of his mouth.

That couldn't be.

In front of him was a guy, looking rather familiar.

Isco felt more than just confused.

"José?"


	30. Twenty Fourth Chapter

The other boy looked rather confused at first. "My name's Ed. Eduardo but everyone calls me Ed." He said, offering his hand to Isco to help him up.

Isco couldn't help but blush. Of course... José was dead after all but... the guy was looking exactly like him.

How was that possible?

"You just look like someone I knew..." He said eventually. Ed smiled softly at him.

"According to the fact that you just called me José I guess you knew my twin brother."  
Isco looked at him stunned. "Twin brother...?" He repeated confused. José never had mentioned anything...

"He didn't know if you wonder." Ed replied to the question Isco didn't speak out loud. “I found out I have a twin first after he was dead…” He probably got why Isco was looking so confused. "Did you know him well?" Ed seemed quite curious now.

"He was my best friend." Isco replied quietly. Ed nodded lightly.

"Are you on the way home? If not it'd be great if you'd join me inside... and tell me something about him maybe?"

"You're on the way to the party?" Isco asked and Ed nodded.

"Yeah well I got invited in ... I'm not really in the mood but..."

"It's your birthday so...you should probably... "

"Don't know. It just feels a bit wrong to celebrate..." He shrugged. "Even if I didn't know who my twin really was it feels like something's missing... and I am not sure why I am telling you this when we think of the fact we just met..."

"José has been quite open as well... about his feelings... "Isco assured him.

Ed smiled. "Did someone inside hurt you?” He asked, Isco looked at him confused. Was it so obvious? “You look kind of upset… that’s all… If so I could kick their ass for you. I know I don't really know you but you are - were the best friend of my twin brother and I think he would've done the same...”  

"He would've..." Isco smiled softly. "But you don't have to I just... felt out of place... and the two friends I actually have were busy with their boyfriends while my boyfriend ... kind of ignored me since we got here so..."

"Your boyfriends a fool..."

"He's just... popular and I'm not." He wouldn't mention the fact that Isco was thinking that Álvaro hadn't been totally honest with him yet... Isco never really asked if there had been any other guys besides him and Cris.

"I feel like there's more but I of course understand you won't tell a stranger."

Isco smiled lightly. "You should... go inside I guess... they're probably waiting for you..."

"I think my cousin can wait... after all it's his birthday as well and those people in there are here for him not for me... and he basically doesn't even know I am here..."

"Álvaro's your cousin?" Isco asked surprised.

Ed nodded. "Yes... it's a bit weird sharing the birthday with my cousin but well... our moms were pregnant at the same time ... my mom bit later than his... just that I and José decided to come bit earlier...and... that's also something you probably didn't want to know... I really should shut my mouth now..."

"It's fine... I mean... it's bit weird yes but... you and José definitely are more a like as you probably are aware of... besides the same looks obviously..."

"You ar-..."  
"Isco!... Ed?"

Isco bit his bottom lip as he heard Álvaro. It didn't take him long to arrive next to them. "Where are you going?" Álvaro asked Isco before he turned around to look at Ed. "What are you doing here?!" They hugged each other while Isco stood there next to them.

"Surprise! Jesé called and told me what he's up to so I thought... I am back so why not surprise my cousin?" Álvaro was smiling happily.

"Great surprise...!" Álvaro turned around to look at Isco, making a step forward and wanting to pull Isco into an embrace yet... Isco made a step back. Álvaro frowned confused.

"Oh... you're the boyfriend." Ed said.

Isco blushed again and Álvaro looked over to him still confused. "What...?"

"Oh I just asked Isco why he's leaving and he said his boyfriend's ignoring him so..." Isco totally got a Déjà-vu feeling because... José would've done ... would've said exactly the same.

"It's not just that..." Isco said, feeling bad because of the guilt that was mirrored in Álvaro's eyes. "It's also José's birthday and I just..."

"I didn't know..."  
"Actually you did ..." Ed threw in.   
"What...? I didn't." Álvaro defended himself.

"His best friend... José ... was my twin brother ... I told you about him."

"You just said you had a twin I didn't ... how was I supposed to know that your twin was his best friend?!" Álvaro looked back to Isco. "I'm sorry Isco..."

"It's okay Álvi... it's your birthday and you should enjoy it... with whomever you want." Isco heard it himself. Ed heard it too cause an... _'oj'_... came over his lips and Álvaro got it as well.

Isco sounded jealous.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Álvaro asked, sound slightly upset now. "You know I didn't want this party! I wanted to spend my birthday with you."

"I leave you two alone I guess..." Ed said and walked towards the house. "See you, Isc."

Isco didn't say anything just looked at Álvaro for a couple of minutes. "I am talking about you and Nacho." Isco said eventually.

Álvaro paled.

That was enough for Isco; he turned around and walked away.

He didn't care that he maybe had ruined Álvaro's birthday. All he wanted now was going home because he wanted to be alone.

It took him a while yet he was more than just happy to finally arrive.

His parents were out. It didn't surprise Isco that much. After all they had thought Isco would spend the night at Álvaro's.

He sat down on his bed and closed his eyes. He was so dumb.

As if his life ever could be just... good. Of course something had to be wrong with all this.

Him and Álvaro...

He should've known that it was too good to be true.

He lied down on the bed and dwelled in the sad feeling he was having.

Álvaro was lying to him? Hiding something from him?

José had a twin?

José ... ended u being Álvaro's cousin.

How small was this world actually?

He had no idea how much time went by as suddenly there was a knock on the door. He frowned.

It hadn't pass that much time yet, or?

"Come in..." He shouted and sat down. He expected to see his mother or his father but it ended up being Álvaro. "What are you doing here?" Isco asked bit harshly. "Don't you have to be at the party?"

Álvaro was looking at him rather sad. "Let me explain it to you Isco... please..." Isco looked away from him... when Álvaro would keep looking at him like that, he wouldn't be able to be angry at him for a long time. Álvaro sighed softly. He entered the room and closed the door behind himself. "Nacho and I... we're just friends... I promise..." Álvaro sat down next to Isco - yet Isco still didn't look at him. "We ... spend just one night together..." Álvaro continued as he realized that Isco wasn't going to say anything to it. "That was it."

Isco looked at him. "I've heard differently."

"What did you hear isn’t true! One night… I was drunk… he was drunk… we went bit… to far… it hurt like hell and I’d turn the time back if I could but I can’t… I lied to him… I told him it was great that’s why he thinks we should repeat it but… I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings I…"  
"Maria." Isco interrupted him. "She told me she shared you with Nacho... and now it'd be my turn. Share you? How am I supposed to understand that huh? I thought we're boyfriends but maybe I thought wrong..."  
"We are! You don't have to share me!" Alvaro interrupted him. "Maria never shared me… she’s just trying to break us…”

"You told me you love me... do you tell him the same?" Álvaro looked pained now.

"I don't love him. I love you. Do you really believe Maria over me?"

"I don't know what I should believe, Álvaro." Isco said concluding. Álvaro looked at him sadly. Isco felt terrible. It was his fault that Álvaro was looking at him like that on his birthday. For a couple of minutes it was quite between them… until Álvaro broke the silence.

"Do you believe me when I say that I love you?" Álvaro asked quietly – sounding sad.

"I do." Isco did. He really did believe it.

"Do you believe me when I tell you that all I want is being with you and no one else?"

This time Isco hesitated but eventually... "I do." He said. He did. Even if there had been doubts.

"So you want to be my boyfriend?" Álvaro asked.

"Nothing less than that" Now Alvaro was smiling and Isco felt butterflies in his stomach.

"Am I allowed to kiss you?"   
Now Isco rolled his eyes. "Stop asking and just do it you fool." And Álvaro did.

"I'm sorry..." Isco mumbled between the kisses.

"For what...?"

"That I doubted... your feelings for me..." A few seconds Álvaro just looked at him.

"It's okay..."  
"No it's not... all day I tried my best to not... ruin the day somehow and then? It took a few words from Jesé and Maria to ... confuse me..."  
"Jesé?"

"Doesn't matter..." Isco said, breathing out deeply. "I love you, Álvaro." Álvaro smiled fondly. Isco placed himself on top of Álvaro's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Let's just... think about us right now... nothing else matters ... okay?"

"Okay."


	31. Twenty Fifth Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this chapter sucks but i wanted to update finallyyyy. i am sorry for letting you wait tho x)

Isco threw a look over to the clock. "Your birthday is over in five minutes." He stated, looking back to Álvaro. "Anything you want to wish before it's over?" He asked. "Anything I could do..." Slowly he stroked over Álvaro's chest. "...to make your birthday perfect after I almost ruined it?"

"You didn't almost ruin it. I should've just insisted of not having a party..." Álvaro sighed softly. "I still would've preferred just to be with you tonight."  
"We're alone now, aren't we?" Isco noted.

"We are." Álvaro nodded lightly. "But I'd rather avoid your mother walking in on us again." Isco pouted at that.

"So you don't want to make out with me?"

"There's nothing I would rather want to do but..." Isco interrupted him by pressing his lips onto his. Softly he bit Álvaro's bottom lip, making the other boy groan lightly - Giving Isco the opportunity to lick himself into Álvaro's mouth with his tongue.

Isco's hands find their way under Álvaro's sweater. His hands stroke over his bare chest.

After a while Isco pulls away lightly, to be able to look at Álvaro. God, he was so beautiful. He thought.

His eyes had darkened. Isco cold see the desire, the lust, Álvaro was feeling towards him. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and took off his own shirt, while keeping his eyes on Álvaro. Álvaro's eyes wandered down Isco's bare chest. "What are you up to, Isco?" Álvaro asked, looking back up into his eyes.

"Isn't it obvious?" Isco asked back and grabbed the hem of Álvaro's sweater to pull it over his head. The other boy let him, helped him doing so, by lifting up his arms.

"I don't..." Isco didn't let him finish his sentence, because he kissed him again - First on his lips before he started wandering down his neck, leaving kisses on his skin, further down to his chest. "Isco..." Álvaro bit back a groan as he licked over one of his nipples. "Isco stop..." Isco didn't really listen and continued leaving kisses on Álvaro's chest- started rolling his hips over Álvaro's crotch. Álvaro wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, hugged him tightly so Isco wasn't really able to move. "What?" Isco's face was flushed. He looked at Álvaro with big eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

Álvaro's face wasn't looking any different than his. Yet Isco didn't understand why Álvaro didn't want to go further. "No you didn't." Álvaro replied, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "But we shouldn't. Not like this. Not after we just argued. Our first time ... I want it to be special."

"Isn't it special enough that we do it on your birthday?" Isco asked frowning. He felt lightly desperate. Couldn't he just agree? At least it'd make the day special. Their first time. Isco's first time.

"Not after what happened..."

"Is it because I am not Nacho?" Isco knew he was being unfair now but ... the words slipped out of his mouth without much thinking. He regretted them the moment he spoke them because Álvaro looked hurt.

"I thought you believe me..." Álvaro started confused - before he pushed Isco down from his lap to stand up. He grabbed his sweater from the floor and put it back on while Isco watched him.

"I do..."  
"No you don't." Álvaro turned around to look at him. "...Because if you would believe me... you wouldn't have said that."

"Álvi..." Isco whined almost. "I am sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it like that..."  
"I think it is better when I go home now." Álvaro said sounding distant.

"No!" Isco stood up and grabbed his wrist as the other boy turned around to leave. Isco pulled him back and wrapped his arms around him. "Don't go, please. I don't want to lose you... I can't lose you..."

"You're not losing me, Isco. I just think tonight was too much for both of us... maybe you just need sometime for yourself to think about us... about if you really want us to be together or not." Álvaro said, wrapping his arms around him as well.

"I want to. I want to be with you. I am just...

"You're what?" Álvaro asked, as Isco didn't continue.

"I am afraid you'll leave me if..." He couldn't say it out loud. It was stupid. At least he felt stupid. Like that would be everything that would matter.

Álvaro placed his hands on Isco's cheeks and lifted his head up. They looked into each others eyes. "Isco, I love you. I am not going to leave you just because we didn't have sex. There's no need to rush..."

"So it's not because you don't want me ..."   
"What? Isco..." Álvaro placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I want you. I really want you but I don't want to rush it. I want our first time to be as perfect as it can be... and doing it after we argued because you thought I would be with another as well... doesn't seem for me the perfect moment." Isco looked at him frowning lightly. "I want to go out on a date with you. Spend a great night with you and then... we'll do it. After all it will be your first time, right? Or did you..."  
"No... I mean yes... it'd be my first time." Isco blushed.

"I wish it'd be my first time as well..." Álvaro said, sighing softly. "...But it doesn't matter. I want it to be a perfect first time for you."

"I love you, Álvaro." Isco smiled at him. "Can we just... forget about this and... just cuddle?"

"Cuddling sounds good." Álvaro said and let himself being pulled back to the bed. "And I love you too, Isco." Isco looked at him smiling lovingly before he kissed him.

The day might not really go the way Isco had imagined it. Or Álvaro had. But Isco felt good. Bit confused but he'd talk with Álvaro about Ed another time.   
Now Ed didn't matter.

Álvaro did.


	32. ♣

Álvaro knew that keeping things from Isco wouldn't be helpful at all but what was he supposed to say?

That him and Nacho were in love?  
That wasn't true.

He never felt more for Nacho than just friendship.

It wasn't his fault that Nacho felt more, was it?

He wasn't going to risk losing Isco because of something that had happen once between him and Nacho.

Only because he had been drunk and heart broken

Probably it wasn't fair to make it look like Nacho had taken advantage of his state back then but... Nacho had known how Álvaro had felt towards him.

He also had known about Álvaro's short relationship with Cristiano.

Nothing, which Isco didn't know as well

Yet Isco didn't know how Álvaro and Cristiano ended their relationship.

Cristiano had broken up with Álvaro; cause to Cristiano's thinking, the other wasn't ready to admit to himself that he was into guys as well.

He would be lying to himself.

At the end Álvaro had to admit that he had been quite unfair to Cristiano during their 'relationship' -if you could really call it like that but... back then he had felt that Cristiano didn't understand him.

They had been a couple, or not?

Howsoever

After they had broken up, they both had been invited to a party.

They had the same friends so no surprise.

Yet it felt like Cristiano was hurting him on purpose because he flirted and made out shamelessly with an other guy that night.

Had Cris broken up with him because Álvaro didn't want that?

Cause he had wanted to keep their relationship more private?

Back then, Álvaro had thought he was in love with Cristiano but compared to those feelings he was having now for Isco, he knew that it hadn't been love. A crush maybe - yes. But not love? No.

He was deeply in love with Isco so how could he tell him what exactly had happen between him and Nacho?

Isco would maybe think something wrong and Álvaro couldn't risk losing him.

That night, Álvaro had his first time with Nacho.

It had been mostly painful. Uncomfortable

Later he had found out that it had been Nacho's first time as well so of course, the other hadn't been really experienced in it.

Yet he had lied.

He knew he shouldn't have but... he had felt a bit pleasure.

And he hadn't wanted to hurt Nacho.

That night had been a mistake but he couldn't turn back the time could he?

But it wasn't that it had happen again between him and Nacho, even if the other always came up to him when he was tipsy.

Like today, during Álvaro's birthday party.

He had no idea why Maria was thinking that ... she had shared him with Nacho.

As it had happen between him and Nacho, they hadn't been together.

Álvaro hadn't cheated on her.

At least not with Nacho

And as the whole thing started with Isco, he had broken up with her.

At least, before she had run to his stepfather.

Anyways

He was in love with Isco now and he'd do anything to keep the other boy. Just the thought of loosing Isco was terrible.

Isco understood him like no one else ever did.

He wanted their first time, Isco's first time and his second time with a boy, to be perfect.

For that he would need someone who could tell him a bit about it.

He didn't want to hurt Isco.

So that's why he found himself asking Cristiano for help.

Isco didn't know that.

He didn't think much into it.

He didn't care if Álvaro had experience in it or not.

Even if he'd admit... that it'd be way more relieving if Álvaro hadn't.

They could gain experience together.  
Howsoever

Those thoughts about last night were gone as he walked into school on Monday morning and found Ed there.

He couldn't get over the fact that José had a twin brother.

How was he supposed to go to school normally, forgetting about what had happen to his best friend, when he had a guy looking like him not far away from him... reminding him on him all the time.

Not that he though that he could ever forget what had happen to José but...

Seeing Ed, made the whole thing even worse.

On Álvaro's birthday it had felt like a dream - like something unreal but meeting Ed again, made it real.

José had been a twin.

He died never knowing that.

Or had he known?  
Isco didn't know.

And it made him crazy.

Maybe it had been something else that José hadn't told him like his illness.

Isco couldn't shake of the feeling that he maybe hadn't even really known his best friend at all.

The thought hurt.

He was sitting outside, watching the football team practice from a far.

He couldn't take it to go to close.

His eyes automatically searched for Álvaro - but he wasn't there.

Cristiano wasn't there either...

... and Nacho as well...

He hated the fact that... he felt jealousy when he thought of Nacho and Álvaro.

But Álvaro was in love with him. Not with Nacho.

So no need to feel jealous, or?

"Hey Isco"

He winced lightly as someone said his name and he turned his head around to see that it was no one else but Ed.

Álvaro's cousin.

José's twin

"I didn't' want to scare you..." He had lifted his hands up.

Isco smiled lightly. "I was just in thoughts and didn't see you coming closer..."  
"I saw." He sat down next to Isco; Isco bit his own bottom lip and looked away from him. "I get it that it isn't easy for you...Seeing me. But I am not leaving so we should find a way to get along with each other... most likely because you're dating my cousin."

Isco frowned lightly and looked at him. "Wh-..."  
"I see the way you look at me, Isco. When you look at me... mostly you avoid it."

"You look like him." Isco said.

"I know."

"I can't ..."

Ed smiled slightly, pained

"I hope you'll get used to it."

"Same."

Isco looked back to the field and saw, that Álvaro and Cris had arrived.

Isco couldn't help but wonder where they had been.

 


	33. Twenty Sixth Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the chapter is confusing and not good. but i wanted to update so. here you go.

Isco's heartbeat was racing. He felt his vision blurry from the tears that had found their way into his eyes. He felt like he wasn't able to breathe properly. Why had he agreed to this? It didn't help. Why would it help? He felt two arms wrap around him and pull him away. He closed his eyes, only now noticing, that he was shaking. "Isco..." The voice sounded so far away ... yet the person was standing right next to him - was holding him. He could feel it. Yet he couldn't bring himself to take notice of it. He had drifted away with his thought to the day José had died after Álvaro had passed him the ball on the pitch.

It had been an idea of the coach. For Isco to move on, he had to let go of that fear that overtook him when it came to football. José didn't die because of football. He died because of an illness. Álvaro had promised to be there so he had agreed to it. Why not? What could happen? He already felt like shit most of the time. Only when Álvaro was with him he felt better. More like himself

 _"José..."_ The name came quietly out of Isco's moth. Him not even really noticing he said it out 'loud'. Isco tried to get rid of those pictures but it didn't work. José's pale face had burned into his memories. Suddenly he felt soft lips on his, kissing him rather urgently. It took him a bit but he kissed back after a while... feeling like he just woke up from a bubble or something. He opened his eyes as the person pulled back. His eyes met two worried brown eyes.

Álvaro

"Isco..." Álvaro's hand found its way on Isco's cheek. Softly he stroked over it. Isco only now noticing, that Álvaro had pulled him further away from the football pitch. "Are you okay?" Isco nodded lightly.

"God, I was so worried. I thought you'd faint soon... you paled so much..." Álvaro said causing Isco to whimper slightly. Álvaro hugged him tightly. "Say something please..." He started stroking softly over Isco's back. Not really knowing what else he could do to make Isco feel better. Isco had told him that he felt uncomfortable on being on the pitch but he hadn't said anything about panic attacks. He felt like it was his fault. He had the feeling that he had urged Isco to do something he wasn't ready to.

Just because he wanted to see him play

Selfish, wasn't it?

He hadn't thought it would make Isco feel so miserable. Well, he had no idea how it felt to lose your best friend. To all honesty, he never really had a best friend. Not really at least, even if Jesé always titled himself as that but ... no he wasn't. Álvaro couldn't talk with Jesé about everything. Not like he could with Isco. So basically Isco was his best friend...

And Álvaro had made him feel miserable. "Talk to me, Isc."

"Álvaro I just..." Isco breathed out loudly. "I don't wan to talk... I don't want to talk about it and I won't ever do that again..." Isco freed himself of the embrace and ran - yeah he ran - away. Álvaro stood there, shocked. He wanted to go after him but he got held up. "Give him some time." Álvaro hadn't even realized that the coach had approached. He lowered his gaze and sighed softly. "I didn't want him to..."

"He'll be fine. Don't worry." The coach patted his shoulder before he walked back to the pitch to collect the ball. Álvaro had no idea what to do. He couldn't just not to anything right? But Isco didn't want to have him close at the moment... as it seemed at least. Probably blaming Álvaro for it. He couldn't blame him. He probably wouldn't have done it, if Álvaro wouldn't have encouraged him.

Álvaro wasn't in the mood for anything so he walked home. Not paying much attention to his surroundings. His thoughts were with Isco.

Isco, who had first stopped running after he had left the school far behind. He was breathing heavily and he was still trembling. Álvaro probably thought now, that Isco was crazy or something. Probably wouldn't want him any near him ever again. He had felt cornered. He had needed distance. So he ran, leaving his boyfriend speechless behind. Looking over his shoulder, he was kind of glad to see that no one had followed him. He wouldn't have known what to say. He hadn't expected to have a panic attack there. Normally he just felt like suffocating when he stepped on the pitch but well, he hadn't tried to play before. Not like today. They, him and Álvaro, had stayed longer after the school had ended. On the pitch they had met the coach, who had been waiting for them. They had wanted him to play again. Bringing the old Isco back - but the 'old' Isco was gone. Isco wasn't the same as he had been before José's death and he'd never be.

Couldn't they just understand that?

Yes he missed playing but... He just wasn't able to associate football with anything else than José's death. Slowly he made himself on the way home, wrapping his arms around himself. Isco wasn't mad at Álvaro or at the coach. Both couldn't understand. Both hadn't experienced what he had. Isco had really thought that he was doing better. Mostly thanks to Álvaro but Ed's arrival made it so hard to breathe sometimes. Why did he have to look like _him?_! It wasn't fair... Not that Isco had had it any easier before he had shown up. He stopped in front of the house and sighed deeply. His parents were home and probably waiting for him to know how it went. He had told them of course. Not that they would be worried because he didn't come home... well, they kind of had gotten used to it, that Isco came home later after school. Mostly with Álvaro by his side, who stayed the night. Isco slept way better cuddled up to Álvaro.

But Álvaro wasn't with him now. They would be worried.

He entered the house and just as he closed the front door, he heard steps approaching. "Isco...?"

"Hey mom..." He said trying to sound as casual as possible but his voice betrayed him. Sounding sad

"What happened?" she asked, worry taking over. He could see it in her eyes. She pulled him into a hug before he could reply. "Where's Álvaro?" She added, taking Isco's face in her hands. "Is he okay? Are you okay?" Isco felt overwhelmed cause of all the questions. He grabbed his mother's hands and took a step back. She looked sadly at him now. "Give him some space love", he heard his father say and Isco looked thankfully over to him.

"Are you hungry sweetheart?" His mother asked then. Isco shook lightly his head.

"No, I just want to rest", he said. He walked past her upstairs to his room. He felt relieved, after he had entered his room. He sat down on his bed and felt alone suddenly. He could've stayed downstairs with his parents but he hadn't wanted to. And now...? Now he felt alone. He had gotten way too used to it, to have Álvaro around him, when he was at home. He looked around in his room and sighed softly. What if he had ruined everything by pushing Álvaro away today? He didn't want to end up crying himself to sleep. He had done that often enough. He needed distraction. He didn't want to think over José now. His gaze fell on his game console. Álvaro had made him unpack it. They had started to spend hours with just playing Fifa. Something Isco had thought he'd never do again. He pulled his phone out and starred at the screen. No missed calls, no messages. Well, Álvaro was probably just giving him space. _Right?_ It didn't mean anything just because he hadn't tried to reach him yet.

He opened a new message and sent him a message.

_Isc: - Wanna come over to play Fifa? :-*_

He felt kind of stupid to write him that but he didn't want to apologize for his behaviour through a message. He hoped that Álvaro would get that. He hoped Álvaro would come over. He looked down as his phone ringed. New message

Isco's heart was beating really fast. He felt so nervous. What if he didn't want to? ... He groaned frustrated and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He really should stop over thinking everything.

**Á: - Sure. Will be there in 5.** **;-***

Relief went through him. He had no idea how much time had went by since he had left Álvaro standing there on the pitch. Surely an hour had gone by. Isco had taken his time to go home. He had no idea where Álvaro was. Somewhere close right? Else he wouldn't be here in 5. Or his mother drove him here. Isco stood up to make everything ready. He went downstairs to grab something to drink. His mother looked at him surprised and he informed her shortly, that Álvaro was coming over. A smile appeared on her lips. Isco went back upstairs and put the glasses and the bottle on his table. Just as he sat down on his bed, the bell rang.

He was here.

He stood up and he could hear Álvaro exchanging some nice words with his mother before he walked upstairs. Well, Isco had left the door to his room open. Álvaro stooped in front of it and smiled shyly at him. "Hey..."

"Hey", Isco said smiling softly.

Álvaro entered slowly. "How are you feeling?" He asked slowly. Like he was afraid how Isco would react.

Isco brought the distance behind them and wrapped his arms around the other boy. "I am glad you're here." He mumbled into his chest. He felt Álvaro wrap his arms around him. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." A smile appeared on Isco's lips. Álvaro could be so cheesy but he loved it. "I am sorry for running away", Isco said looking up. "Don't be. I am the one who should be sorry... I didn't want to force you to do anythi-" Isco interrupted him by pressing his lips onto his. Álvaro was surprised at first but he closed his eyes and kissed him back. Isco pulled away after a while. "Let's not talk about it okay?" Isco asked and Álvaro nodded.

"Wanna play Fifa then?" Álvaro asked. "Or was that just an excuse to bring me here so you could make out with me?" He added teasingly. Isco grinned. "Both." He replied, pulling him over to the bed. "But we can start with me beating you in Fifa" He added.

"We'll see about that." They made it themselves comfortable on Isco's bed and started a match. Isco watched Álvaro while he was choosing his team. Isco smiled softly as Álvaro turned around to look at him. "I love you."


	34. Twenty-Seventh Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it took me long to update and i feel like this chapter is still not good enough but i didnt want to update earlier cause i thought i'd ruin the story. i dont want to ruin the story. i'll try to update more often. if you have any wishes let me know. xxxx

Isco had never really thought about what it meant to be in love. He didn't really believe in 'love at first sight'. Not that he had never had a crush on someone, but loving someone? He hadn't thought much about it. After the death of his best friend, it hadn't even crossed his mind to fall for someone.

And then...?

Álvaro had happened. Nothing felt better than being with the other boy.

Being with Álvaro made Isco feel complete

Being with Álvaro made him feel whole again, after he had felt broken long enough

José's death had shaken him to the core. How was he able to get over the death of the person, who had always been there for him? Long enough and even now sometimes, Isco blamed himself for his death. If it hadn't been for him, José wouldn't have played that day. The 'what if' was driving Isco crazy. When he was with Álvaro, he didn't think about his past but when he was alone, he felt like drowning in those memories.

After the incident on the football pitch, neither Álvaro nor the coach had tried to convince Isco again to play. He should take his time. After all he knew himself what was best for him.

But of course as not being a part of the team, Isco couldn't go with them, when they had an away game - like they'd have tomorrow. The team had travelled there already today, so they would be fit for tomorrow's game. That in the other hand meant, that Álvaro wasn't with Isco tonight.

Isco was alone.

His parents had gone out - Well, Isco couldn't force them to stay home just because Álvaro wasn't here. They had moved on and they were thinking Isco had too. That Isco was feeling better. He did.

Sometimes at least

But then there were other moments, moments where he felt depressive.

With Ed around, it was even more complicated to not think about José to much. Isco had watched him closely though. He had needed to know, if his first impression about Ed had been right. It hadn't. Of course José and Ed shared the same looks and almost the same taste of humour, but that was it. Else he was a different person. It had helped Isco a bit to notice it. He could better separate them, by knowing, that Ed wasn't like José. But he couldn't be friends with him. He couldn't stay to long in his presence. So the most uncomfortable fact was that he was Álvaro's cousin so of course, he was often around Álvaro.

Howsoever

Isco was alone and he decided he had to distract himself before he'd start over thinking. He had made it himself comfortable in the living room and was watching a movie. He tried to focus on the movie and not let his mind wander somewhere else. Just as he was about to get up to get himself something to drink, his phone rang. A smile appeared on his lips, when he read on his display, that it was Álvaro calling him.

"Hey!" Isco picked up.

"Hey, love." Álvaro replied. "I hope I am not disturbing you."

"As if", Isco replied. "Are you calling to check up on me?" he asked. Álvaro knew that Isco tended to over think when he was alone so it wouldn't surprise him.  
"I just... miss you" Álvaro replied. "And I wanted to know how you are and what you're doing." He added.

"I miss you too", Isco admitted. "And I am fine. I was just watching a movie. What about you? Are you nervous because of the game tomorrow?"

"That's good to hear", Álvaro said. "I'm fine. Not really nervous no. What happens happens", he added. Isco heard someone in the back and frowned. Was that Jesé?

"I'm sharing a room with Jesé and he's annoying me already", Álvaro sighed softly. "Dani and Nacho invited us over to play Fifa." Isco felt a lump in his throat. No, Isco hadn't forgotten about Jesé's words at Álvi's birthday party. "Apparently he has a crush on Dani and wants to spend time with him but that's kind of weird because he always said he's not into guys." Isco could literally see the frown on Álvaro's face right now.

"Well, we talk later then?" Isco said as he heard Álvaro telling Jesé that he'd be ready in a few minutes.

"I'll text you later", Alvaro promised. "I love you."

"Love you too." They hang up and Isco starred at his phone for a couple of seconds. He grimaced. Jesé having a crush on Dani? No, he doubted that.

Isco went to the kitchen and grabbed something to drink. He couldn't stop worrying about it. Of course Álvaro was in love with him but there was Nacho. And they had a past. A past Álvaro hadn't even really wanted to tell him about. Isco shook his head and went back to the living room. He couldn't do anything anyway. He shouldn't drive himself crazy over it.

He sat back on the couch and was starring on the television. He couldn't help it. He knew exactly what José would say right now. If Isco would be in the team, he'd be with Álvaro now and Jesé wouldn't have the chance to convince Álvaro of leaving Isco. After a while Isco turned the TV off and starred at his phone. No text yet. He went upstairs to go to bed. It had gotten late and he felt sleepy - and before he felt depressive, he rather went to bed. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. To fall in a restless sleep.


	35. Twenty-Eighth Chapter

Isco hated the fact that he felt so vulnerable someitmes. He wished he could just get over it and be happy again. Not that he wanted to forget about his best friend oh no. That wasn't his intention no. Yet he wanted to be happy because of his parents and because of Álvaro. He hated to see the worry in their eyes. It made him feel guilty. Feeling guilt was something he hated the most.... After he had spent last night alone, tonight he had agreed to go out for dinner with his parents. They had been happy about it. Álvaro would come home tomorrow so it was just one more night they would be separeted. Isco felt so clingy. Almost desperate how much he missed him. Without Álvaro around his life felt so ... empty. It was stupid. But what was he supposed to do without him being around? Without the team being around? Isco had gotten friends with almost all members of the team - excluding Jesé and Nacho. Álvaro sharing his room with Jesé didn't make Isco feel any better. He tried to focus on other things - and because the day was long, he decided to go out for a walk. Fresh air would help him to think clearly and not drift away with his thoughts.

  
He had no idea how long he walked a long the streets and already was wondering where he had ended up - yup, he had managed to drift away with his thoughts anywayn. Looking around, he didn't recognize the area. Perfect Isco, perfect. Just as he wanted to turn around to walk back, he saw a football pitch. There was no one on it. A few minutes he hesitated but then he walked over there. Progress he thought. He needed to get over the fear he felt when he saw a football pitch. Slowly he stepped onto it and tried to focus himself. This was an other pitch. It wasn't the pitch José had died. It wasn't the pitch from his school where he almost paniced. Okay, maybe he did panic and not just almost. He thought of Álvaro. How proud he'd be on Isco if he would manage to play football again. And Isco had to admit, he missed it. He missed the feeling. Playing football had always something he had been great at. Just as he had made like two steps on the pitch, a group of guys showed up. Laughing and talking loudly. Isco had no idea who they were and they didn't seem to notice him at first so he thought about just leaving until...

"Hey? Want to join us?"

Confused he turned around to look at the guy who had talked to him. "Hey, no thanks." Isco replied. The guy shrugged.

"Okay... if you change your mind we could need one more player." He winked and walked over to his friends who were going in position.

Isco was still surprised about the offer. Maybe the guy had noticed that Isco had looked longingly at the pitch. The last time he had played football was ... long ago. The last time he had played José had died on the pitch. He gulped and stepped back. But instead of leaving he ended up sitting down on the edge and watched them guys play. His eyes definitley wandered to often to the guy who had asked him he'd like to join. Isco bit slightly his bottom lip and wondered who those guys were. None of them seemed familiar. Okay, maybe they went to this other school in this city? The city was after all way bigger than his old hometown. But had he walked so far, that he had ended up closer to that school than to his own? Whatever. He'd find home somehow.

The guys wer having fun. Playing for fun...

  
_"Just for fun", José said looking at Isco almost pleadingly._  
_"Fun?", Isco replied. "It's a test training session. They want new players..."_  
_"And you'd fit perfect." José tried._  
_"No I don't."_  
_"You do."_  
_"I can't play without you. You know that." Isco added. He wouldn't. No he wouldn't._  
_José rolled his eyes. "You can but you don't have to. I'll be there too. And I do have a bit of talent as well." He winked at Isco now._  
_"You're crazy."_  
_"You still love me."_  
_"Sure." Isco sarcastically._

  
"Hey...could you pass the ball?" Isco got thrown out of his memories as someone called for his attention. The ball had ended up right in front of him. Oh. He got up and... kicked the ball back - which caused the guy to flash him a smile. "Thanks." The guy kicked to ball over to his friends and... came over. "You sure you don't want to play?" He asked.  
"I am ... but thank you for the offer."  
"You're welcome..." He looked back to the others. "We're here every week once." The guy said looking back at Isco. "Playing helps us all to come down after a long week."  
"That's great."  
"I'm Lucas by the way." He held his hand out and Isco took it.  
"Isco."  
"Nice to meet you Isco."  
"Nice to meet you too, Lucas... but I should leave now."  
"Okay. Like I said. We're here every week so if you change your mind and would like to join us once... feel free."  
"thank you...bye."  
"Bye Isc."  
Isco turned around and walked away slowly. He turned his head around once again and saw Lucas joining the others again. Isco shook slightly his head and walked further before he took out his phone. He really needed to know where he was - he didn't want to get lost on the way home again. Walking home, he wondered why he had been so close to take to offer.  
Maybe because no one had pressured him to do it.  
No it wasn't because of Lucas.  
Or.  
~


	36. ♣

Nightmares had haunted Isco since José's death. Days, weeks passed since that one day. Nightmares every night. They had become so regular, that Isco had stopped counting how often he woke up in the middle of the night. Screaming and crying.

Yet it wasn't the nightmares that made him feel worse. It was the way his parents always came running into his room to check up on him, with a worried expression. It made him feel worse, that I was his fault his parents weren't happy either.

After José's death nothing seemed really important for Isco. Of course he went back to school few days after the funeral. Everyone wanted to talk to him. To tell him, how sorry they were and how much they missed José as well. Isco hated it. Hated that those people all thought by telling him, that they were feeling sad as well about his death, that they would understand him.

Understand how he felt.  
None of them did.

None of them knew, how it felt to look down at your best friend and hearing that he was dead.

Just like that.

Minutes before he had assisted him.

Minutes before he had laughed with him.

Minutes before José had promised Isco he'd score.

Isco had went through every detail he could remember from that day. He should've done something. He should've said José to stay on the bench and not play. He just had recovered from a cold he had caught.

It had been an important match of course but … José's health should've been more important. To him. To José himself as well. He couldn't believe, that his best friend hadn't told him anything about his heart disease. It wasn't fair.

So no, no one could understand what Isco was feeling.

He wasn't just mourning. He was feeling guilty as well. He felt selfish. He blamed himself for José's death so no… no one could understand what a feeling that was.

He started to ignore everyone. He skipped football practice – how could they think; he would just go back to playing after what had happened?

Almost every day… wrong, every day he went to José's grave. He mostly just sat there and starred at it. Lost for words. What was he supposed to say anyway? It wasn't like José could hear him anymore. He was gone.

Isco barely ate and barely slept. No wonder, it wasn't like he could fall back asleep after those nightmares.

The less sleep he got, the more he pulled back even from his parents. They were worried. Isco knew. Isco also knew, that his teachers had called his parents. Told them, that Isco was barely present in school.

Isco didn't care.

His parents in the other hand wanted something to change. So they thought, if Isco talked to someone, he'd feel better. A therapist would be a good idea, if his teachers couldn't help him.

His teachers, who talked to him every day anyway.

At his first therapy session, Isco just sat there and starred at the guy in front of him. He wouldn't talk to him. He wouldn't understand. Like no one did.

The therapist was okay with it. They could just sit there and do nothing. It'd be on Isco.

So after one hour, Isco left his office and went back home without talking to him. Without telling him how he felt. He didn't went there anymore. At least not before something else happened. 

Isco hated to see his parents so sad. They were helpless. They didn't know, how to help him. Leaving him alone felt terrible for them but sometimes it wasn't to avoid. Sometimes Isco ended up being home alone and after all those sleepless nights, was all Isco wanted to do… was sleeping.

Sleeping without having a nightmare.

He wanted to take just one sleeping pill but somehow he messed it all up. He hadn't intended to take to many… or had he? Waking up in the hospital definitely hadn't been something, he had wanted.

Perfect

Now his parents were even more worried. He could hear the doctor talking to them. Attempted suicide? No. He hadn't tried to kill himself. They got it all wrong. As his parents had noticed he was awake and told him to never do something like that ever again…. He only said with tears in his eyes… that he was tired.

He just felt so tired.

After that day his parents didn't leave him alone anymore. One of them was always home. Isco could stay at home. Gladly. He didn't want to go to school. He wouldn't be able to take the looks he'd great.

It was still a small town and people definitely had heard that he had been in the hospital.

 

His first day at the new school, after they had moved away, was anything else than good for Isco. The school was way bigger than his old one, no wonder he felt lost. Lost until Iker showed up and offered help. Isco had hesitated accepting it but Iker didn't really take a no for an answer.

Isco hadn't intended to make new friends. He just wanted to graduate. It would make his parents happy.

But Iker, Iker made him feel somehow calm. Just because… he was there. He never pushed Isco to say anything. Never crossed a line.

Differently than others.

He had been used to being mocked. Being mocked wasn't something new for him. New was just, there was no José at his side anymore.

He suffered a lot the first day in his new school. Not because of the lessons. No. He had always been a good student before … but being the new one, was difficult. Being the new one who barely talked, made the whole thing worse. He tried to not pay attention to anyone. He wanted just to be left alone but… being friends with Iker, didn't help that. Iker who was dating a guy named Sergio.

Sergio, a guy who was in the football team.

A guy who had lots of friends, who weren't a fan of Isco.

Why?

Isco didn't know.

Isco avoided them. When Sergio showed up next to Iker, Isco always excused himself. Spending time in the library was more … comforting than ending up being surrounded by people who didn't like him just because he was _quiet_.

All what Isco wanted to do, was being left alone. None of them knew, who he was and what he had went through, and still…. They felt like they had the right to judge him.

Isco, anyway wanted to live in his own 'bubble' – as people started to say. He didn't need anyone else besides Iker and his parents of course.

So as he had meet Álvaro in the library, he definitely hadn't think of them being together one day. Yes, he was cute and all but… why would he be interested in Isco?

But well… he should've known that life never goes the way you think.


	37. Twenty Ninth Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter ruins the story somehow but I haven't updated for such a long time and now I had this idea... I thought I should update. Don't know if anyone even cares anymore but well. Feedback would be great. I'll make a summary of the past months in the next chapter. So you'll know what exactly happend in the next one. If you're interested to know. Before the happy ending there has to be a little bit more drama D;

**Few months later...**

 

"I don't want to force you but... I'd be great" Marco said, looking at Isco with his puppy eyes. Like Isco could say no, when the other boy looked at him like that. "I just don't think it's a good idea." He said eventually.

It really wasn't. It'd be the first match in which Marco would maybe play but...

"You shouldn't let them control your life, you know. I don't know what happened three months ago ... but whatever it was... they shouldn't treat you like that."

What was Isco supposed to say to that? Marco was new. He had transferred to the Lincoln High a month ago. He didn't know what had happened between Isco and Alvaro. Between Isco and the rest of the football team who was treating him like shit.

Well, not even Isco really knew. That night was still a blur to him.

"If you insist..." Isco said. "But only if Lucas will be there too." Lucas and he had gotten quite close the past months. Isco had gone to that football pitch he had found weeks ago, more often.

Not to play

Just to watch and talk

Marco and he had gotten friends too. So they often did things all three of them together. Just as Isco had thought he lost every friend he had made on Lincoln High, he had gotten new friends. And from those two friends, only one of them went to Lincoln High. Only Marco

And people were really thinking that there was more between Marco and Isco. As if Isco would've replaced Alvaro with Marco....

Because apparently Marco would look like Alvaro...

Maybe they did look a like a bit but... they were different. Different people

Different emotions for them

Isco was still in love with Alvaro

Not with Marco

"Sure... I'll call him." Marco replied. "He'll be there." Isco knew that too. Marco could be really convincing.

"I hope the coach will let you play", Isco said. "If I come to watch the math and you only sit on the bench I'll be pissed off." Marco was new in the team and until now he hadn't played in a match yet. So the possibility that he didn't get to play was there. "The coach promised it to me", Marco replied. "He isn't the one who doesn't want to give me the chance to play. The team is more the problem. I won't be able to do much if I don't get any passes."

"I am sorry..."

"It's not your fault that they act like little children." Marco rolled his eyes. "I am not going to let them decide with whom I can be friends and with whom not. I like you. And that won't change no matter what you apparently did to piss of the football team."

"They think I cheated on their star..." Isco mumbled quietly.

"They think what?" Marco asked confused. "On Alvaro? Did you?" He added. "Not that I think you would do such a thing but why do they think that?"

"I don't know." Isco said honest. "I can't really remember..." Isco frowned. "We were at a party... and I just woke up next to a guy the next morning... and Alvaro was in the door ... looking so hurt... he ran away and ..." Isco sighed. "I was at that party because of Cris. To take my mind off things... I can't even remember I drank so much ... I mean... I apparently had my first time with some stranger and I can't even remember." Isco didn't even dare to look at Marco. He felt to... ashamed? Fitting word to describe the feeling? Maybe

Who knows what Marco would think of him now?

"I doubt you did", Marco said.  

Wait what

"You doubt I did?" Isco asked confused. "What do you doubt? That I drank so much or that I cheated on my boyfriend?" He looked up to look at Marco, who was looking at him thoughtful.

"I don't think you cheated on your boyfriend..." Marco said. "Top or bottom?"

"I ...don't know?"

"I mean... do you think he was on top or you."

"I haven't' thought about that?" Isco replied. "I don't even believe we're talking about this now... can we just drop the topic? If I did it or not ... it doesn't matter. I lost him anyway... he's with Nacho now."

"You want him back, right?" Marco asked. "You should find that guy and ask him. If you can't remember... Maybe he does."

"I don't know how to find him. He doesn't go to our school... I already tried to find him there."

"I'll help you. And we can ask Lucas. Maybe he goes to his school."

Isco shrugged. "Maybe..." He couldn't suppress a yawn.

"Did you even sleep last night?" Marco asked, now sounding worried.

"I did." Marco's worried look made him feel uncomfortable.

"You look tired..."

"Well, I slept like one hour or so maybe that's why I look tired...."Isco said defeated. He couldn't lie to Marco about it.

"Did you take your pills?"

"No."

"Isco..."

"I forgot."

"Don't make me tell your parents. One more breakdown and you know what they'll do.  I need you at Lincoln, okay. I can't go there without you."

"Maybe it'd be better for me if I didn't have to go there anymore... to many people who hate me. And there's Ed. Who keeps glaring at me as well... which is so weird because he looks like my best friend and I always feel like I let José down and I can't handle that." Isco sounded close to tears now. "If it wouldn't be for you I wouldn't even go to school anymore." He added quietly. He winced lightly, as two arms wrapped around him, but returned the embrace.

He really was glad to have Marco

"Ed isn't José." Marco said. "And you told me... that Jesé and some others weren't happy about you being with Alvaro so maybe they tricked you. I mean...its possible right?"

"I don't think that he'd hurt Alvaro so much just to make us break up..."

"I do think he'd be capable of doing that... I mean. He wanted Alvaro and Nacho together and they are. You said that yourself... but I think Alvaro is just with Nacho to hurt you not because he's into him."

"Alvaro isn't like that..."

"People who are hurting are capable of doing lot worse", Marco replied.  

"I just wish... I wouldn't have gone to that party than none of this would've happened. Alvaro and I would be still happy together and... Iker and Cris would still be my friends.... and... I"

"I do think that Alvaro wants you back as well", Marco interrupted him. "He is the only one in the team who's nice to me. He doesn't judge me for being friends with you."  

"Enough about me please... or I'll be a mess soon..." Isco couldn't talk about it any longer. "How's it going with Ruben?" Marco sighed softly.

"He's still denying that he feels something for me", Marco said. "He's so in love with his girlfriend..." Marco rolled his eyes. "Of course... that's why he kissed me. Anyway.... I am glad he isn't at our school. I couldn't take to see them both everyday..."

"I feel you..." Isco mumbled quietly.

Both of them were quite for a couple of minutes.

"How about we play some Fifa?" Marco suggested.

"Sure, why not."

Anything was better than to think of what had happened the past months.

Just one night had turned Isco's life around...

Shouldn't surprise him...

After all... the day his best friend died had changed his life as well.

Just this time it had been Isco who had messed up.

Who had lost his anchor

Without Alvaro he felt so lost.

No wonder Marco and his parents were worried. The nightmares were getting worse and he barely slept or ate. He just kept lying about it, when he got asked.

Ending all of this... would be so much easier than enduring this pain...

But this time his parents had reacted bit faster than last time and sent him to therapy.

They were thinking that it help him

Talking about his feelings

It didn't.

It only made him feel worse

Relieving everything

Made it worse


End file.
